I don’t know why I am writing, or even what I am writing about. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? Well, at this moment, it seems I must be crazy, because my mind is spinning like a top. Maybe this will turn into a story, and maybe I will just end up rambling on.
I feel inside that I am a body, not a person, that has many doors, that people can walk in and out of anytime they want. Some staying for a spell, others taking what they want, and some just stepping one foot in the door to say an unkind word, then rushes out into the world again.
In order for me to be able to cope with the way people treat each other today, I need to have been born in the 1990’s. I need to give up God, and I need to just quit caring about others. This would make my world a lot easier to live in.
I don’t like having a heart that can be hurt. I don’t like feeling pain from others words. I don’t like the feelings of being stomped on, or made to feel like I am a child who is not grown up enough to make decisions for myself.
I sit here and look outside my circle that I live in, and I see many doors with signs above them. The signs read, fear, lonely, no good, loser, rejection, stress, happy, God. I have walked through each entry, staying in some longer than others.
When are people going to see me for who I am? Why do people today want to think the worst? When are people going to realize that I don’t like being taken advantage of, or pretending that life never ends.
I am weak because I love
I shed tears because I feel
I see your pain and ignore my own
I give from me, because I am real.
Lord, help others to see me for who I am. Let them know that I am only me and no other. Let them see the tear in my eye, or the smile when I place a smile on their face. Let me not hear their hurtful words. Let me hear their love for me. Lord remove the wickedness around me, bring me peace for just today. Lord, I pray, that my actions speak from love and not what I can gain from this world. Let them understand me. Bring peace into others lives. Help me to completely forgive the ones who scorn me, Lord. Forgive me Lord, for those I hurt. I keep my eyes on you Lord, and know that someday this pain will be gone and I will be with you forever.