I am shocked to see myself writing one more blog for this day. I fixed supper and just did the dishes and have now sat down with my steaming cup of coffee and someone placed a thought in my head and it has been prompting me to write. I have no idea as to how this will turn out in the end, but I am going to let God, since I think he placed the thought there, guide me through this. If it is not good, blame it on?
The thoughts that are going through my head are how did I ever do it? How have I ever made it in this life? Did I really want to take credit for where I am today? My head bows done in shame, as I know I have had moments where I have said, Yes! I did it!!
Why does God continually place people in my life that are not believers of God? Why do I still my voice, when they are around, instead of making the break in the conversation, and turning the topic to God, so that I may be a witness for our heavenly Father.
Why was I given the task to take care of my brother, when I was finally free from an abuser, and had the whole world in front of me. I could choose what ever road I wanted to travel, but I was given this road.
I am not a professional writer, and no one knows my name or works, except you here on WordPress, and yet I hear from several, that I am helping them to stay strong, or help them to stand strong for God.
I am nothing without God. There are many that do not find this to be true, but I do believe it. I don’t have to convince anyone that my faith is the one to follow, but it is my responsibility to act and perform in life in a way that is pleasing to God.
I am where I am because this is the place God has put me for this moment only. People that have crossed my paths are there for me to help them, and through my daily walk with God, I am much better at talking about God to anyone, than I used to be. I am not ashamed of God at all, but my insecurities of not fitting in, is what has kept my voice still in the past.
God is good, God is wonderful. He brings me through trials that I have tried to fix myself and could not. He has shown me that I need to lean on him. He has proven over and over to me that he is the way, and that he is here for me because he loves me and wants my best.
He died on the cross so that my sins can be forgiven! How fantastic is this? Have you ever known a human life that has actually laid down his life for just you? I have heard the words from some, but none of have ever followed through.
I am not lucky, I am loved and blessed. I didn’t survive that bad storm because I prepared the yard for security. God isn’t finished with me yet. He still has work for me to do.
I say a big YES, to God. When it comes to heaven or hell, I choose heaven. I want to thank God for all that he has done for me, how he has protected me and loved me. I want to thank him face to face.
Alright, I feel a calmness now. The thoughts have been spoken, the brain is calm. I don’t still know why I wrote this, but I feel that God is trying to help someone out here in the world, and he is using me to spread his word and love.
Ermilia gives me this opportunity to use my imagination by writing for a picture she presents to me. Thank you Ermilia!
Keys represent so many things in my life. My first key to my very own diary. I wrote every thought down in it and locked it up with my special key, I hung around my neck on a beaded chain, then I hid my diary under my mattress. I am sure looking back in time, it was mainly filled with dreams of boys and work my mom and dad made me do.
The keys to my first car, a 1961 Ford Falcon. I was so proud of this. Mom and dad bought me my first car, and paid for my auto insurance. If I wanted a better car later on, then I had to come up with the funding and be able to pay my auto insurance part. It was solid black, with all gray interior. It had an AM radio, that I kept on full volume as I was cruising down the road to work. My parents would not let me go joy riding. They taught me that until I became an expertise at driving, cars were to get me to work and no one under 18 was allowed in the car while I was driving. I drove that car until the transmission fell apart, then sold it to the junk yard for pennies on the dollar.
The key to my being a senior. This was an honor to wear. A gold key representing the fact that I had made it to the 12th grade, and I would be graduating. I wore it every single day until I found my one true love, and then gifted it to him. Now, that relationship is diminished, and only God knows where that key is today.
The key to my honeymoon suite. I was in seventh heaven. I was madly in love, and always wore a smile on my face. Being pampered, and made to feel that I was the only one worth looking at in life, was probably the best ego trip I had ever been on. I wonder why they quit making you feel that way?
The key to my first apartment, after leaving an abuser. This was the biggest high I had ever felt. I was a free woman, and I was in love with life. I made all my own decisions, fixing up my little place to represent only me and no one else. It was a very small apartment, but it was mine, and I am the only one who held that silver key!
The key to my father’s house. This was a sad moment in life, as I lost the only person I ever worshiped. I moved in to this house and started caring for my brother, after he had his heart attack. Every room I walked in, everything I touched or saw, was a constant memory of what I had lost.
They key to our home. Al and I live alone, in our own house. It is a house that holds many secrets to the future. It is four walls that hold many emotions, and tears and some smiles. Through all of this, God is the center of our life, and no matter which room we walk through, or we choose to be alone, God is with us.
The next key is to my future. A future unknown to me, but God knows. I can play role models of different puzzle pieces and guess what may happen in times to come, but I think I would be better off to keep my mind on today, the present. It is today that Al and I are making memories, and it is now that only matters. To be needed and loved are many keys that have been opened in my life. I have reached all levels by walking the stair case. The ultimate key will be the big, shiny gold one. The key to heaven’s door.
Saturday I took Al to see the fireworks here in town. I try to find the little things in life to occupy Al’s mind, but it is seemingly getting harder to know whether he is enjoying our activities or not. His body is sometimes bent so forward, that it is hard to see his face. To me, I notice, that this Parkinson’s takes a hold of the body and twist the breath out of the lungs, and forces the body to double over, trying to regain what has been taken away.
We sat on the bleachers, with Al sitting on the third one from the bottom. After watching the fireworks, it was time to leave, and Al just sat there. I could see the fight coming from within him as he tried getting his legs to move. He top half of his body was moving, trying to turn to the side, to step off of the bleachers, but nothing on the bottom half was inching.
He started crying and his face was getting red from being humiliated, and working so hard. I walked over to him and helped him move, but at first, even my help didn’t do anything for him.
I was guilty at first, when Al started having these freezing moments, to just step in, like I did when I was working in the nursing homes. I would take over the physical actions of the other person, and make the body move for them, but with Al, I have seen the frustrations of not being able to do things for himself, so I smack my legs with my brain thoughts, and stay back, giving him a chance to do things for himself.
I took a hold of his legs and turned them towards the end of the bleacher, and tried to pick him up to lift him down the two feet to the ground, but of course, I was too weak. We talked and with talk, brought more calmness, and with calmness, brought concentration, and finally, we were able to get off of the bleachers. I paid no attention to the fact, that Al stood there for a few moments, trying to get the legs to stand steady enough to move on their own, because I was still screaming VICTORY inside,to the fact I had gotten him off of the bleachers!to the fact I had gotten him off of the bleachers! I am just going to assume that he enjoyed the fireworks.
Here I have posted some photo shots of the fireworks we both saw. They are not the best, because they are night-time photos, but I hope you will still enjoy them.