God, Are You Really Talking To Al?


"Praying Hands" (study for an Apostl...

“Praying Hands” (study for an Apostle figure of the “Heller” altar) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I woke up from a restless night, because i made the mistake of taking a nap yesterday, and so I paid the price last night.

This morning, I woke up, fairly calm. I got Al’s medicines ready and started my coffee. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and got dressed. I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour for a check-up from blood work. I hate it each time, as I am reminded that I don’t live a doctorly life. I am too heavy according to the book, I don’t eat as many veggies and fruits that I should. It goes on and on, and I am always mentally ready to place my hand on the door and run out of the doctor’s room.

Although, I am calm, I felt too calm. Does that make sense? It was a calm, like I am being prepared for a heavy scene. The caregiver came and gave Al his shower, and while he was showering, I was praying.

I am the type of person who speaks more to God throughout the day than the person that takes a half-hour out each day to concentrate on prayer. I am sitting at my computer, and out of the blue, I just wrapped my hands around each other, and knelt my head to the hands, and I prayed. I prayed for Al, and I prayed for strength to do what is right for Al and me. I asked God to hear my prayers and to hear my cries. I prayed to him about my fears also, if Al was to leave me. I prayed for answers. Maybe this was a selfish prayer, I don’t know, but I need answers and help, so this is how I prayed.

I sat back up still feeling some calmness, and Al walks out of the shower, and as he and the caregiver are making their way to the living room, I see big tears falling from Al’s eyes.

I instantly sighed, and said what is wrong this time bud? He just looks at me and says that God knocked on the kitchen table while he was eating his breakfast. I asked why did he knock? He tells me God wanted to get his attention. I said oh, and what did he say to you today, and he tells me God says it is time now.

49 thoughts on “God, Are You Really Talking To Al?

  1. I hate to say this as it sounds bad but I hope you understand what I mean. You will get your answer in the next 24-48 hours. If Al really is receiving messages from your god then he will go to him if it is as you have also wondered a side effect of his illness and medication then Al will still be with you the thing is either way I see only more heart ache for you. if you were to lose Al you would be devasted but if Al is only imagining these voices then the realisation of that will only add to his depression making life harder for you. All you can do is continue to hang on in there and know people out here in the cyber sphere are here for you

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    • the thought of knowing this is in Al’s head from his illness is a terrible thing for me to have to face. i will somehow have to be here for Al but also turn my brain and heart off, knowing he is not really talking to God. this was a very good way to explain things to me and i want you to know how much it means to me that you have spoken

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  2. Sometimes the answers don’t always come the way you want them to. I don’t want to be the barer of bad news, but God can use many voices to speak to us, and it’s possible that if He really did speak to Al and he “coincidentally” told you what he heard just after you had finished praying, then you might have your answer there. On the other hand, it could be the answer that it’s time for more help in the home so that managing Al will be easier. Or it could be a reminder to sit back, let God, and let go. Some things in life are inevitable, and while you will be sad, maybe devastated after the length of time and the effort, remember the peace and relief that Al will feel. Your pain will fade to a dull ache, but you will know that he no longer has to feel any of that. <3<3<3 Stay strong, sometimes facing your fear is the only path ahead. Just remember that you will come through it

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  3. Hey Terry,

    I read this, and truly I do not have the correct answers for you. I do not have them for myself. I am going through much of the same heartache, tiredness, is this what You want God, are You truly saying this etc…
    We never know if God or how God is speaking to another. Sometimes I am even unsure if I hear something that it is indeed God. I have had to wait many months at times, to receive an answer to that question.
    The one thing I have found in my life over the years is, if I quit equating God with my own limitaions, if I let Him get me out of me, so He can do with me and my life what He will, a peace follows that. I do not manage this at all times with great success, but I strive for it.
    Death will come to us all on the day we were meant to die. Then this our exile will be over and we will be home.
    Al is suffering and you are suffering for and with him. When this happens it is hard to keep our sanity and lives going. Whether God spoke to Al or not these things, the beauty of it is, Al and yourself are communicating with God. That is the best any of us can do. By communicating with Him, He is hearing, listening, and answering.

    God Bless, SR

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    • thank you SR. i don’t want to be the one who tells Al that he might be just afraid of death enough, that it is his own fear speaking. how can i question a perfect god, and how can i question Al’s beliefs. i am sorry that you are going through what Al is, it is no life and no fun. prayers to you from us SR

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  4. you’re heart must be aching. i have heard got say “it’s time” in regards to something else in my life, it was while i was driving in the car, the words were so loud and powerful i almost hit the curb…there is so much more to that story but, i thought i would tell you that, i don’t know if it’s helpful or not.

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    • it is BUck! it is……..i think sometimes i am going crazy, because i don’t want to believe that my brother who is mentally challenged could possible be hearing from god, it has to be his own fears speaking. does god want me to believe Al? am i a doubting Thomas?

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      • i don’t see you as doubting, i see you as trying to figure things out and with Al’s mental state that would be really difficult. i do know God can meet Al where he is at mentally…but i would be as confused as you. those words “it’s time” just struck me hard as those are the very words I heard and just wondered if maybe Al did

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      • it is hard isn’t it. Al started out with god telling him he would get a sign and he would know, then he went from there to it is getting near, and now a few weeks later he is saying god knocked on the kitchen table to say it is time. it has made me very somber today and in very slow motion

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  5. You and your brother are in my heart and prayers. Big hugs to you and him πŸ™‚ Have faith, God knows best πŸ™‚

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  6. Terry,
    I feel God has been talking to Al and to you also. His answers about God do not surprise me as my mother in law pretty much said the same thing. When he starts talking to his friends that he can see but you can’t is when the time is very near.
    I send you my love and prayers, plus a long distance hug.

    β™₯ Ed

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  7. No one can say for sure that what Al is saying is not true…but alas it could also be what Al is feeling and his passing is not imminent. I believe all you can do, is what you are doing …pray and have faith that whatever happens is in God’s control. Please however as you take each day think of yourself also and your needs…Diane

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  8. Terry, just take it a day at a time. it can be one of two things…God really talking to Al, or Al expressing that he is tired and giving up. Either way you need to prepare yourself for what is ahead for you.

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  9. Angel Terry . .sending love and hugs and I’m praying too, that God guides you each and every day, moment by moment, just taking your hand and Al’s too. God bless you through even this.

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  10. It is so hard to know isn’t it. My Anthony doesn’t have the tears or the fear/premonition of death. Surely if it were God speaking to Al, he would be at peace? I don’t know!

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  11. Terry, I don’t know if this will help or not, but your post reminded me of a movie–“Mandie and the Secret Tunnel”. Mandie’s father had died and she ran away to an uncle she had never met because her mother was planning on hiring her out many miles away. It turned out that the uncle had been in a shipwreck and had been reported dead. Mandie asked the housekeeper what she was going to do. While she was running, her mind had been on other things, but she wondered what she was going to do the next morning when she woke up with both her father and uncle gone. The housekeeper, Aunt Lou, told her not to fight the pain but to feel it, and that Jesus had suffered more pain than everyone in the world put together and so was much more able to comfort her than anyone else. Mandie said she wasn’t asking God for anything right then because she was too mad at Him. Aunt Lou said that was OK, but that one day Mandie would be able to tell God she wasn’t mad at Him any more.

    Fighting the pain can often simply intensify it and we may be limiting what the Lord can do for us, but when we feel it we can expect the comfort God offers us. And eventually that pain will lessen until it is no longer overwhelming. I am praying for you and Al still, Terry. I do believe that the Lord is probably talking to Al. Sometimes I think those with some mental limitations may hear Him more readily than those with all of the normal mental faculties because there is not so much room for human reasoning and doubt. He has a child-like faith and, after all, isn’t that what Jesus said He wants for all of us? And it may just be God’s way of preparing you, also–of allowing you time to begin to accept the outcome. And remember, God lives in the eternal now, so now may not be what we think of as immediate. There may still be some time of preparation left for both you and Al. Just trust Him moment by moment. He is hearing your prayers and the prayers of everyone here. And He has promised to answer our prayers. God bless you and give you a wonderful night’s sleep tonight.

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    • Diane, that sounds like a wonderful story. sometimes i think Al is really talking to god and others I don’t. i know that my mind is so tired of trying to keep up with what he says and does. it has been a quiet day here today. After Al told me of God’s knock on the table, he has been cool and calm. He started a cough this afternoon and it is progressing through the evening. i just want Al to be without pain, i don’t want to see his tears anymore, i want to see peace and stillness frp, his hands. i want i want, and i think what about what god wants, quit thinking of myself, i tell me. god is listening, and sometimes i think every spot of this home is filled with the spirit of god, waiting to take us in his hands and rock us like babies. it must be because it is night time, but i feel not too much. i find myself giving in more and more to god, and just wanting to sit back and see what god has planned. i am tired of fighting Diane. i just want god to take over………thank you for all of your help. i do take what you say to heart, because you are such a strong christian woman. Al is a lucky man if he and god are talking. Al’s mind is usually consumed with one of three things, coke, pain and god. i am the one who needs to let go of my many worries………..

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      • I bought the movie through christianbook.com. It is a double feature and I paid $5.99 for it. They now have them separately but each one is $14.95 so the double feature is the way to go. The other movie is the sequel anyway and it’s a good one too. If I lived nearby I would gladly loan it to you.

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    • i have let myself contact you when ever i am sad or down, and i don’t want u to think of me as a weighted bar bell around your neck. i never had intentions of spilling on you, but that is what i have done. it has been a long day and i am heavy laden, my mind is warped and i feel like a rock that has been crushed by a huge tire truck. i just wish this was all over. i need rest

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      • Get yourself a good nights sleep (as best you can) and call me tomorrow!! I DON’T mind at all, I promise. You clingon you, lololol! Thought I’d try for a chuckle to send you to bed with πŸ™‚ hugs and love

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  12. No such thing as a selfish prayer, in my humble opinion πŸ™‚ By talking to God, you’re honoring the One who created you and are humbling yourself to ask Him for help. Sending a prayer up for you right now, my friend.

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  13. I wish I had the answers you seek, but of course I don’t. This may be a manifestation of Al’s disease, but you have to remember also that God’s timetable is not neccesarily ours. I continue my prayers for you.
    Love to you, my friend.

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