I woke up from a restless night, because i made the mistake of taking a nap yesterday, and so I paid the price last night.
This morning, I woke up, fairly calm. I got Al’s medicines ready and started my coffee. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and got dressed. I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour for a check-up from blood work. I hate it each time, as I am reminded that I don’t live a doctorly life. I am too heavy according to the book, I don’t eat as many veggies and fruits that I should. It goes on and on, and I am always mentally ready to place my hand on the door and run out of the doctor’s room.
Although, I am calm, I felt too calm. Does that make sense? It was a calm, like I am being prepared for a heavy scene. The caregiver came and gave Al his shower, and while he was showering, I was praying.
I am the type of person who speaks more to God throughout the day than the person that takes a half-hour out each day to concentrate on prayer. I am sitting at my computer, and out of the blue, I just wrapped my hands around each other, and knelt my head to the hands, and I prayed. I prayed for Al, and I prayed for strength to do what is right for Al and me. I asked God to hear my prayers and to hear my cries. I prayed to him about my fears also, if Al was to leave me. I prayed for answers. Maybe this was a selfish prayer, I don’t know, but I need answers and help, so this is how I prayed.
I sat back up still feeling some calmness, and Al walks out of the shower, and as he and the caregiver are making their way to the living room, I see big tears falling from Al’s eyes.
I instantly sighed, and said what is wrong this time bud? He just looks at me and says that God knocked on the kitchen table while he was eating his breakfast. I asked why did he knock? He tells me God wanted to get his attention. I said oh, and what did he say to you today, and he tells me God says it is time now.