If This Could Bring Laughter Out Of Me, Then It Should Make You Laugh Also!

Posted on July 13, 2012 by Who I am

I received this from a friend, and it gave me big laughs, and I wanted to share with you also!

Drafting Guys Over 60

This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier… New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however… I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too… I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off
old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!

Free Write Friday, July 13th, 2012

Posted on July 13, 2012 by Who I am

Friday the 13th, don’t step on a crack, you might break your mother’s back. Don’t go under a ladder. Don’t cross the path of a black cat. Don’t make any big decisions on this day.

How many things have you heard about this superstitious holiday? Do you believe them, or do you laugh? Were you more fearful as a child than you are today?

Do these small words influence your thinking? I know they do for me, and it is not even a willing thought, it is habit of creature. Some things we learn as a child stay with us all through our lives. Without intending to, we can even let these superstitions rule our lives.

For me, this year on this superstitious holiday, I have had good news. I had fought with three of Al’s doctors, demanding through tone of voice, and numerous phone calls, to please consider giving him a new medication, that will actually help him in dealing with his every day pains. I don’t know if they got sick of me calling, or they knew they were backed up against the wall, with nowhere to run, but one finally gave in.

We hopped in the car, and drove to the pharmacy to pick it up. The pharmacist said Al could take the pill, but he needed to eat something with it. Al looked at the lunch counter, and I took his non-verbal cue, and we went back and had lunch. Al getting his routine food, a breaded cheeseburger, cheese sticks, and a diet cherry coke. He even ordered himself a slice of sugar cream pie for dessert. I had a whole wheat toasted egg salad sandwich, and some apple salad, and a small diet coke. After he ate, I gave him the hopefully, pain cure.

He didn’t hesitate at all, and only ask me what it was he was taking, and I explained it was to help his pain, and that is all it took, and he took it with no argument. It has been about forty-five minutes, and so for now, I am just keeping an eye on him, as it is a pain-killer in a different class of medications he usually takes. I always keep an eye on him for a few hours when he starts a new medication, pain or not. You just never know the side effects until you try them.

So today, I didn’t take notice of any cracks, or black cats, or ladders. I just took notice, that I was praying without thinking, giving thanks to our Lord for this new opportunity to help ease All’s pain. I didn’t notice that the sun was beating down hard, that there has been no rain for weeks here, and that the temperatures were still rising by afternoon, now being 93 degrees.

The car was quiet on our ride home. I was smiling and thanking God, and I know in my heart, Al was wishing and maybe even praying that he was going to be more comfortable in a while.

Friday the 13th? Superstitious? Maybe to some, but for me, I choose not to play the game for today.

I want to give credit to Kellie, who has given me one more chance to write for her exercise, Free Write Friday. Thank you Kellie!