I Hate You Devil!


The Wicked Witch of the East as pictured in Th...

The Wicked Witch of the East as pictured in The Tin Woodman of Oz by L. Frank Baum. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What would it do to your personality if you never saw sunshine, or never felt the rays warming your soul. Can you imagine always living in the dark, only once in a while peeking out from the hole in the tree, to say hello to a passer-by?

This is how it has been at our house all day. I think it was triggered yesterday, when Al and I went to Wal-Mart. We went there to get him his hair cut. With his heavy sweating, the over abundance in heat, he chose to get a buzz. I will have to admit when I first saw the finished product, I heard a small gasp come from deep within myself, but he likes it, and this is what matters in the end.

After we left the hair designer, we made our way over to the toy section, where Al went through all the vintage cars. Now I will tell you something. The cars take his mind off of himself, so if I could let him sit there all day and gaze at each car, if I could buy him every single car, I would, just to keep his mind on somewhere else but himself.

He picked out three cars, and he placed them in his cart on his scooter. We then made it over to the grocery section, and by now he was starting to tilt over in his seat. I was confident though that he would not tilt far, as a dear blogger friend, had custom-made him a special harness strap to help him sit up, but the more leaning he did, he eventually had no more control, and the strength of the Parkinson’s snapped the harness right in half. It pulled the snaps apart and over Al went, not completely over, but too far. It looked like if I blew a breath from the opposite direction on him, he would go completely off his seat.

I had to get some groceries, you know, the ones you have to pick up through the middle of the week, and I didn’t want to have to take Al back out again on the same journey, so I pushed and walked, pushed and walked him through the aisles. In between pushing, and queuing, I tried to remember what I needed.

We finally were at the last two rows, and all hell broke loose. Now remember, the day before when I spoke of knowing I was learning through Al’s illness? Remember how I said I was going to lean on God more? Well, the devil didn’t like it so he set us up good. Al fell for it, hook, line and sinker, and I have to admit, I was losing patience at trying to balance everything happening around me, when we came upon the wicked witch of the east.

Right before our wandering eyes, appeared our father’s girlfriend. Now this girlfriend had told Al many times as our dad was in the progress of dying, that he was lazy, that he made our dad miserable, and that he was the reason dad was so sick, because Al had worn our father’s health down.

As for me, this woman used to tell me rotten things while dad was still alive. She said things like if I would have known he was going to get sick, I would never let him in my bed. Also, if he doesn’t start getting out of that chair and acting like he is happy to be with me, I will send him home to die. Now these comments here were told in the last three months of dad’s life. I took care of him for the whole year he was dying, but the last three months, I padded the recliner, to keep pressure off his sore bones. Dad had bone cancer. The cancer was eating holes in his bones, and he was very weak, frail, and in a lot of pain, but I was forced to hear this crap, because I cared for him while he lived in her house.

I could give so many examples, but it causes a huge lump in my throat, as I haven’t mourned my father yet, and I can not deal with the memories, so back to Al.

He saw her first. He let out a big scream, right in the vegetable section. Loud cries came from his throat, tears were pouring from each eye, until I think I saw his eyes floating. He was pointing in her direction. I looked to where he was pointing, and I set eyes on  her. She looked at me, and I looked at her, daring her to come one step towards Al.

Al is yelling, I didn’t do anything to her Terry, I didn’t! She doesn’t like me Terry, she doesn’t. She wouldn’t let me see dad when he was dying, she told me to stay away Terry. I believed at that moment I learned how to multi-task. I tried to comfort him, telling him I would protect him, that I would not let her come near, I was still trying to finish my grocery shopping, since I was almost done, and I was trying to speed a slow moving man and scooter to the closest cashier counter.

Everywhere that we walked, she would watch, and not be too far away. She reminded me of a panther, getting ready to pounce, but yet she showed fear, as she never came close enough. We did make it to the cashier, with me praying constantly, God help us, God help us. God just let us pay and leave with no problems.

God did get us out of the store. I had a very tipsy man to help get out of the scooter, as all of his energy had been used up consumed by the witch. His crying kept him from concentrating on getting himself out of the scooter and into the car, so I did what anyone would. I looked quickly around for help, but there was no one who offered. I took a deep breath and with all of my power, God and I got him into the car. With much scooting him, I finally got him arranged enough to get the seat belt placed and buckled.

I then turned to the grocery cart, and realized I had left my purse in the cart along with the groceries, and I thanked God for watching over my purse, because it could have been taking so easily with one step. I opened the trunk, and took Al’s scooter apart and placed it in its place, then I loaded the groceries and Al’s cars to what ever empty spot was left, and had to put the rest in the back seat. I pushed the cart to the cart holding area, and got in the driver’s seat. I started the car, so the air could come on and cool Al and me down, then I rolled the window down on my side, and let my head fall back to the head rest, and smoked a cigarette. I had to rest, I could not drive in this state of mind.

Al just sat there staring ahead, but no more tears, just sniffles. I felt like after a few minutes, I could drive, and so we left. We get about three-fourths of the way home, and I see a little blue tracker in my rear view mirror. I didn’t say anything but my mind was on radar alert. Was it her? Oh, it couldn’t be. Oh my gosh, no, it is! She was right behind us.

I must have let out a gasp or something because Al looked at me with slight fear in his eyes and asked what was wrong. I told him the witch was behind us, but do not worry, I will protect you. When we got to the road we normally would turn on, I turned the opposite direction, going down the wrong road. Al is making it clear to me that I am not going the right way home, and I am making it perfectly clear that I did this on purpose. I asked him if he wanted her to know where we lived, and he then understood and became quiet. She must have gotten tired of the mouse catches the cheese game, because I saw her eventually turn in someone’s drive way and go back the other way.

I pulled off the road, and put the car in park, and I left the car running so Al would stay cool, and I got out of the car, and leaning against the car and smoking a cigarette, I screamed to the skies, why, why God do you let this happen to us? All we ever did was love our dad, all we ever do is try to be good kids, why is this happening?

Out of the blue, my legs felt weak, and I felt myself slip to the ground, sobbing for the loss of my parents, sobbing for the disease that has chosen Al to live inside of, sobbing for the loss of my sister’s love, and the family that I have lost through a stupid Will. I don’t know how long I sat there, I don’t remember much of anything, but as quickly as it happened, it left, and I came back to my senses, and realized the car was running with Al in it. I got back up and got inside, and drove us back home.

He has never been the same since. There is a sense of misery screaming to get out of him, causing tears for the whole day today. He had struggled with choking on his milk, which is my fault, I had forgotten to put the thicket in it. He has complained of pain all day, although he is on strong pain pills. I just left him sitting outside on the patio furniture, after trying to talk to him, but all he could tell me is he is so sad, and can’t fix anything anymore, and he is wanting to be by himself, because he is asking God to help him die.

47 thoughts on “I Hate You Devil!

  1. It does seem sometimes Satan is just waiting to pounce on us whenever we have a revelation of God or a closeness or a special prayer time…He did put you to the test for sure and it sounds as though it took every ounce of energy you had to withstand his attack…But thanks to God you did and here’s hoping tonight and tomorrow are restful for you….Diane

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    • i should not say it, but i can truly understand new babies in Christ, giving up too easily. the devil is right there to turn your life into huge challenges, but thankfully, i know God well enough, to fight that bad devil. i am praying for a calm night. i can not change Al’s views on life, and instead of trying to convince him of something he refuses to believe, i have to leave the area, which is what i did

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  2. I’m so sorry this happened to you today. People like her can only suck the life out of you if you let them. Hold your head high, remain calm, for He is with you and bears your burdens for you. There is a verse in the Bible, that I will paraphrase: Treat your enemies with your utmost care and kindness for when doing this, you will heap burning coals on [her] head, and the LORD will reward you. Proverbs 25:21,22
    He sees your fear, and pain. He knows your love for your brother and he rewards you with so much strength you don’t realize you have.

    In your calmness, your fearless actions will be a reflection of strength and serenity for your brother to feed off of, and a mirror for her to see her own shame. Terry, just shine and bask in his glory. There is something broken within her to act out in this way, pray for her healing. It is a powerful act to pray for your enemies, and gives you something she can’t take from you. Grace.
    Praying blessings for you and Al.
    ~ L

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    • i will pray for her healing of her heart. thank you for the proverbs verse. it seems to speak out to me. i am trying to stay strong, and with God’s help i can do it, and i still do hate that devil……….

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  3. Terry!
    I’m sorry you and Al went through that at the grocery store, that sounds terrible!
    I’ll be praying for you both..remember God hears our cries and our prayers..He’s always with us..He hears you Terry, don’t worry *hugs*

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  4. We can’y help saying “WHY?”…but, the Lord does things…makes things happen for a reason…and we have to believe it is for our good in the end…What an exhausting experience…So sorry!…The cry probably did you more good than you know…and it seems like Al was probably wanting to protect you …and knows his limitations…This women sounds like a real winner!…I’m glad you gave her the evil eye…She definitely sounds like trouble…Take care…~mkg

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    • sometimes i wonder why God lets these nasty things happen. i mean, knowing what Al deals with every day, why did God allow her to be in our space at that time. she is no good for either of us. i am glad it is a new day

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  5. I. totally. understand. Maybe after seeing her, both you and Al can start to slowly heal? With God’s help, take your power back and do not let her upset you both. Hope this makes sense.

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    • i only see her in my present, when she sneaks into my thoughts, i have the out look on her, as out of sight, out of mind. actually, i have forgiven her with God’s help for being such a witch, but after seeing Al’s outburst, i realize he is still living it, and this is what made the day plain stink! dealing with another persons problems sure does drain a soul, but i m still marching on!!

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  6. Just keep in mind, when everything is said and done the Lord promises He will make all things right. Keep on doing what you know is right to do… He’ll take care of the rest.

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  7. So, sorry …. For what happen to you both – why???? Because people … are the way they are for many reasons. Be sure that goes around will come around one day. So, sorry for what you both had to go through. She doesn’t have a healthy heart and soul.

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  8. Some people are just plain rotten and live to make all around them miserable. So glad you no longer have this witch in your everyday life.
    Prayer and hugs, my friend.
    Barb.

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  9. Bless you for writing a post where even during a clearly painful incident you praise God for getting you out of the store, etc. This reminds me of Phil 4:19 where it talks about God meeting our needs. I’ve leaned on that so many times. Stuff like this doesn’t make sense but God somehow always gives us enough to get through it. Sending good thoughts your way Terry.

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      • It was good, thanks Terry. Been trying to take a more thankful approach to life these days but it can be a struggle to do it sometimes 🙂 Hope you are well.

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      • i am doing alright. i pray that people who are bad go on their own paths and leave us to heal and work on todays problems. i don’t know if this makes any sense or not, but life would be easier

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      • Oh, I understand…believe me. Hang in there and keep your eyes on the prize! Can’t wait for the day when all of our struggles appear in the rear view mirror. (Whoa, that was two straight rhymes. My bad.) But seriously, I was reminded by a friend the other day to keep focusing on the bigger picture and know that it is all that matters in the end, regardless of whatever hard times come our way. I’m having to constantly do that lately. But it helps every time I do 🙂

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  10. Don’t let her or Satan get you down, Terry. Her behavior toward, you, your brother, and your father was wrong, and always remember one day she will stand before Christ and have to answer for her actions. She is to be pitied not feared. I imagine her following you was to prove to herself that Al really didn’t need the scooter, and in her mind that knowledge would have given her the victory, you took that victory from her because she didn’t get it. But who knows, maybe God is working on her heart and she really wanted to have the strength to tell you she was sorry for her behavior. Next time hold your head high, and tell Al to do the same, because you have nothing to be ashamed of where she is concerned. Ask God what to say and do next time, and tell Satan to take his fear and go somewhere else where his fear will be more welcomed, because you are covered in the wings of the Lord.

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