because it relates to me also

camsgranny

Yes, I am the daughter of a Momma who has Parkinson’s.  I am no different from the Sister of a Parkinson’s brother, or the Wife of a husband who has Parkinson’s or the Husband of a wife that has Parkinson’s.

Our lives are filled with daily care, or hopes that something will change.  It doesn’t.  We have voices and we use them.  But unfortunately our voices are not heard.

Everyday, Cancer, Alzheimer’s, and other Diseases have the privilege of being heard on the radio, and the television, brought into the fore front of the news.  Us?  We are a very large group of people who fight on a day-to-day basis, for some sense of normality, in a Disease that is not normal.

We are the by-standers , we watch what this Disease does to our loved ones, we cannot help them, other than to make them comfortable…

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marriage, hopes, dreams, children

Picture It And Write It July 22, 2012

Picture It And Write It July 22, 2012

She, Sophie, was the apple of her parent’s eyes. She had been yearned for many years, by her parents, always being told they would never have any children. The parents never gave up. They had their child in each dream the two shared, and they moved ahead in life, preparing a place for him or her in their hearts and home.

The two individuals, joined together and becoming one, could be seen nightly, kneeling at the end of their bed, praying to God, asking him to fulfill the vision of holding an infant, they called their own, in the arms that held this marriage together.

This vow that was created and stamped in love, held two lovely people inside of it. They were both school teachers, each teaching  disabled students. They had met in the most uncommon of circumstances. She, Lacey, was from the United States, teaching in a small town in Ohio, while her husband, Clayton, held his roots  in New England. Both were new teachers and Clayton had volunteered his services, of helping to open a new classroom in Lacey’s town. He was going to be rewarded by new experiences, and a chance to be more than just a teacher.

Lacey lived in an apartment, near her school. This was her first teaching job, and money was tight for her, so finding this suitable home was perfect for her. No driving to work, businesses within walking distance, and the rents were modest.

Clayton, also being a fairly new teacher, his third year, also wanted something economical, and ended up being in the vacant room across the hall from her.

They both walked out at the exact same time one morning, on their way to the same school, to report for duty. Each said hello and went on their way, but soon noticed their paths would cross, not only at work, but in their personal space also.

The combinations of same likes, same hours, led to many hours spent together, discussing children, ideas on how to help reach each child’s abilities, and many dinner time meals spent together.

Without willing it or recognizing the signs, these two fell in love with each other. It was easy to see that the support they had for each other was strong, and when you looked into their eyes, there were pools dripping with love.

After school was ended for the year, Clayton was to go back to  New England, but he knew he could not go without his love, so he proposed, and she accepted. After being married he took her to his home and they started a new life together.

Lacey had received a wonderful recommendation from her prior school as a teacher, and in no time at all, she was working once again. Clayton returned to his school that he had already had obtained work at.

They had spoken many times about the number of children they wished to have, so when it came time to buy their first home, they purchased a three bedroom home, which in due time would hold much laughter and love.

Months went by and life was good to them except one dark shadow lingering in the background. There was no child, as of yet. The two went in prayer, and gave their hopes and dreams to God, and ask him to please give them the child they wanted so bad, but for five years, there was nothing.

There was nothing they could do but hope. They taught each year, and in the summers, they went on small vacations, and enjoyed each others company. They shopped and even slid into little baby shops, and using their imaginations, they picked out clothes for their own child.

It was late fall, one teaching day, and the rain was making soft taps on the window panes. Lacey, sat up to the alarm going off, and when she rose, she felt very nauseated. She laid back down, and reached over and tapped Clayton on the arm, asking him to please call into the school and say she was not feeling well today, and would they please find a substitute. Clayton looked at her, giving her the all over look, and felt her face with the back of his hand. He felt no temperature, but respected her wishes, and made the  phone call.

After Clayton left for school, she laid there for a while longer, and then tried to get up once again. She did manage to get up, but ended up barely making it to the restroom. It didn’t take long to put two and two together, and along with a doctor’s appointment, she was able to tell her husband, that she was expecting. She told him after preparations had been made for their dinner, and asking him if he would care to have dessert in the living room by the fireplace, she broke the news to him. The joy they both felt poured out all through  the room, and their dessert ended up being in each others arms.

Family, friends, and co-workers were so happy for them. The nine months passed quickly with teaching and baby showers, shopping for the baby’s room, and before they all realized it the time had come upon them, and Sophie was born.

A beautiful baby with golden locks and big blue eyes with thick lashes. Delicate white skin, ten fingers and ten toes, so perfect.

God had answered their prayers. The two had never given up their dreams and hope and faith carried them through each of their days, and now they were parents. They both felt so blessed, that as soon as all could be arranged, they had baby Sophie christened at church.

Now five, glorious years has passed. Each passing day watching their child grow has planted beautiful memories into Lacey and Clayton’s minds, and today, also was going to start a new chapter in their lives with their daughter, as she is starting her first day of dancing lessons. Our little princess.

 

Thank you Ermilia for another chance to write for your writing exercise.

http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com/

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Mysteries And Faith

Mysteries And Faith

The world is full of mysteries and yet our minds are headed in the directions of what we know. You live the best way you know how, and you use what you have learned in your life and past experiences to make your decisions today.

Lately, on a lot of different sites I have visited, the topic of fear has come up, and as I have sat here reading others blogs, I am thankful for where I am placed on this earth, and for the opportunity of caring for my brother.

I have talked surface talk, about my father passing away five years ago. After this death, my life truly did change forever. Not only did I miss my hero so much, I had also been finalized a divorce from my husband,a few months prior to dad’s death, and I was experimenting living the single life.

My brother had his heart attack, and even during these times, there was a sense of aloofness from within my soul. I was so thankful for my daughter, who at this time still lived close by, for she was a great comfort, and her husband, was a proud, tall man who would take me and hide me under his wing, during the moments others were attacking me. I had a close friend also, who was always standing next to me in spirit, and this helped me to still stand through all of this.

It is crazy, just no other word, but plain crazy, what the words WILL and MONEY can do to a person. Family that I had, friends that I had, all of a sudden changed. No one was there to guide me, but the attorney. He would inform me of what I needed to do, or sign. My siblings would be involved with each step of making the formalization of the estate to be closed.

The Will was open for a year and a half, and I basically, walked through this first-time experience alone, trying to follow the rules, the laws, and taking care of my brother after his heart attack, and wondering about my own self.

Going from living with an emotional abuser, and then to living alone and feeling that sense of freedom, then back to living with someone, but this time my brother, was almost too much for me to handle. I was so thankful for my children and to God for carrying me through those awful months.

Wills are not always about happy times and getting monies or personal belongings. Wills can express in detail what the person who had it drawn up, is truly about. The deepest, and most secret wishes come out like the ashes from a volcano, hitting you in the face, and stinging at the same time, forcing decisions to be made and followed through, that I would rather have not had to do.

When you have lost the hero of your life, receiving five dollars or a million dollars, makes no difference at that time. When you are told you have to sell items to satisfy the law, it is not easy to see part of your memories of your life be handed to strangers.

I did as I was instructed, and mourned my father’s loss,in the spare time I had. I did end up moving in with my brother, as time expressed that he would not be able to take care of himself, and I still continued to work, and everything seemed alright on the surface, but deep down, in some, feelings were churning, and hurtful words came out, and family and friends who I had been involved my entire life with, were eventually gone, and the only way i have today of knowing these people were in my life is through my own memories.

I had no intentions at that time in my life of caring for my brother on a permanent basis. I can remember back then when he had the heart attack, I knew  he would  never be the same again in functioning, but in ways he was the same person as before the heart attack, he just needed a routine. I had looked into apartment living for him, in locations where other disabled adults lived, but I was shocked each time we paid a visit at the huge prices they wanted to charge someone who had little or no income, and had limited abilities to function in the daily world. I also would notice that my brother would look at me with sad eyes, and after time went by, I was able to see someone other than me who had suffered a loss besides myself. My brother had lost his routine. His comfort zone. Although dad was not the best to him, he was used to it, and he knew how to hide when dad was around. Work that he was accustomed to going to daily, was no longer there. In ways, I am sure today, that Al suffered as much as me or  maybe more, because he was totally dependent on others for his care.

It was then that I decided to give him the only stability I could offer him, and this was myself. A sibling, not a stranger, to walk the unknown paths of our future. We did this together, with the approval of our half-sister, and the courts. I chose to do what was right for Al, and gave up my work job, and learned to trust God for our needs.

The hurtful things done and the stinging words, I have done my best to put away, but with Al’s living more in the past each day, I am forced to remember things better left un-thought. I try to do what is right, and I work hard to live a respectable and calm life, but every once in a while the past comes charging back at me, and this in turns makes me want to stay hidden from the world.

I came to start writing, because although my days are filled with Al, and doctor appointments, and paying bills, and the regular things we do in our lives, I still felt this huge hole in my life. Writing was a way for me to express my true feelings. It was like having so many friends that were understanding. There was no judging, and  no rude comments, it was a neutral world, where I was able to make friends slowly through opening up my heart.

The past came back once again as a mystery to me last night. As I was reading my emails, I came across one that made my stomach hurt, and caused me to be on guard once again for Al and myself. A comment was made directly at me, that was too close to what words had been spoken those five years ago. I knew in an instant, this comment that was made, was from someone who knew me well, and I suspect he or she was from my past also.

It isn’t the fact that I can not care for myself or for Al. I can, and I have to admit, that I think Al is much more happy here at home than a nursing home, and when the time comes, if it does for him to move in to a home, I will know that he did more shopping and dining out, and experiencing new things in life,and he knew I listened and cared about what he said, , so for this I am grateful to have been able to give this to him.

What bothers me is now, is that  I am in the mindset of five years ago, wondering why people who were there for me, and in agreement with me, are no longer around, and have never lifted one finger for support or help, have decided to invade my life once again, with just one sentence.

I am who God hath made, and I will stay under the wing of him. The Lord will guide me through each of my steps here on this earth, not letting me trip over myself. He will touch my heart and let me know that I am not alone. He is my shield against all warriors, and he hath great powers to destroy thine  enemies. For God loves me and Al.  Through God’s love, I can do anything, for he is the power that I love, that I have chosen to receive, and in his arms we shall be safe. Amen.