One Day At A Time


When someone is aching, hurting, crying, or smiling, we all want to be a part of this. It is our human nature to want to share, comfort, laugh and cry with our friends.

As most of you know, Friday was almost like the hell day of my year.

I am not usually the one who will reach out to anyone. Some of you are probably saying, no way! You always let us know your feelings, but this is new to me, an area that I had never ventured into my entire life.

While I was married to my ex who was so emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, the only one I ever confided in was my daughter. I had too much pride and didn’t want anyone to know that I could not FIX this problem. I have always looked at my self as a survivor and fixer person of life.

I could not fix my problems but I could fix others. I could not give myself a hug, but I could hug even a stranger if I saw sad eyes in on their face. I could put on the happy face if anyone came near, but as soon as they left my sight, the running tears were once again returning to their prior place.

Before I started this blog in March of this year, I had asked God so many times, what can I do with myself while I am sitting here caring for my brother? I did not get an answer for months, and then one day I was sitting talking to my best friend that lives a couple of hours away, and she suggested I write. I laughed it off, as I knew I was no near good enough to write, but she kept telling me, just write from your heart. This will let people see the real you.

Why don’t I talk to my children like this, from the heart? Maybe because I am the mother. Mommies don’t spill their guts to their children, we are the adults, and their lives are to filled with laughter and innocence, but now looking back, I wish I would have.

After having such a terrible day, my friend who lives near by came to visit. Before this visit happened, I had spilled my guts to all of you, which is becoming easier and easier. It has taught me that we all have issues going on each day, that mine are no different from yours, just different situations. It sort of made me feel like I fit in and was not such an odd ball.

Each of you gave and brought me comfort. Comfort in words,  prayers, phone calls. It is like I know each of you better than I even know myself.

When my friend came to visit, she brought me a kit she had ordered. It was a birthday gift for me. She and I spent the afternoon cutting wires, wrapping pearl pins with floral tapes, finding the correct way to force the natural turkey feathers to spread their fingers. After she left, I put the finishing touches of red on it and placed it on my bird bench.

Now each time I walk by it, I thank each of you and my dear friend, for holding me up, and showing me that you are a friend to me, and that God will never leave me, it would be me leaving God.

I wanted to show you the finished product. It is my first time at crafting, and I am not very good, but I am proud of what I accomplished and what it represents. It is to be the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, which stands straggly, and not too pretty, but it remains strong with all of its inner beauty for all to see. God is good. He provides the perfect answer each time. Now I have to conquer the next quest of whether and I should not even use this word, but when is the correct time to place Al.

I told him that we had to go to the grocery store. I was out of my two most important items on the food list, coffee and eggs. Thanks to some advice from you, I decided to do something I had not done before. Instead of treating Al like my sick brother, I used the tough love of raising a small child. I told him that if he caused me any grief at all, other than the Parkinson’s side effects, he was in big, big trouble as soon as we got home, and I hit the table with the fly swatter to show my words were gold. When he heard the smack between the table and swatter, he made no words at all during the grocery shopping.

I hated treating him more like a child instead of an adult male, but somewhere in there, the child in  him listened, and for today, it worked. Each of you tell me to take one day at a time, and so I did. I made it through today with the help of all of you, my friend near by, the emails, comments and phone calls. Tonight is better, and I will not look to tomorrow yet.

Thank you to all!

36 thoughts on “One Day At A Time

    • hehe, yes, when i look back, i can remember mom using wooden spoons, flyswatters, newspapers to make that cracking sound to show she meant business!!!!! thank u for saying the tree looks pretty. i was proud of my first project also!!!

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  1. It must be so difficult but Al is in your care and I know you love him so much and you must handle each situation that happens accordingly. Sometimes it has to be as a parent instead of a sister as Al has become ‘childlike’ in many instances. I remember when my mother became the child and I the adult in her later years. It’s a difficult position to be in…..take care Diane

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      • Yes I did..when she lived with us after her brain surgery her personality changed and she became very critical of my kids often ..whereas before they could do no wrong. I had to lovingly ‘chastise’ her on occasion because of this…and it did feel terribly wrong..There was no one I loved more than my gentle sweet mother…Diane

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      • then i know you understand how it made me feel telling Al that he was going to have to be good or else……………..i am not happy that you had to do what u did with your wonderful mother, but i am happy that you understand where i am at at this point……….hugs

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  2. I’m so glad your friend could come by Angel Terry, and look at what you did, creating such a wonderful tree!!! Also, glad that you got through today, doing what you had to do to get done what you had to get done! You are doing a great job!

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  3. Strength, perseverance, and humour go a long way in life and get through many things–and you were blessed with all of those qualities, Terry.
    Carry on, chin up. Prayers for you and Al, and may this week be Much better, in contrast! ~ Lily

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  4. Congratulations on your successful craft project, Terry. I like it. I’m glad your friend was able to come over to do this with you. Taking one day at a time is good, and if we can learn to break it down even further and take one minute at a time it is even easier. As the Bible says, each day holds enough evil without taking on tomorrow’s share ahead of time. Often our worries about tomorrow or next week or next year never materialize anyway and we have wasted good energy and time for nothing. Better to concentrate on the moment at hand. We can always get through the next minute. I’m glad for you that today was better. God bless.

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    • thank you. you are so right. why do i or any of us worry about tomorrow or even the next minute. it doesn’t do any good, and we can’t change it anyways. only god is in control of our seconds………..

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  5. That’s the hard part isn’t it? I have had to treat my sister with tough love, force her to take the load off, sit down, not run around so much, not get so stressed …. but tough love comes from the place of love in our heart and the one’s who are subjected to it.. knows it!

    I did the same with my son yesterday, I was tempted to slap him for his smart-ass mouthing ways, instead sat him down, spoke to him really really cold like, explained what the problem was, why I don’t like it, how he could not disrespect his elders, that he should go apologise specifically to the one’s he’s disrespected and then time out in his bedroom for half an hour. Man, it worked like magic! Much better than it would’ve with screaming and shouting.

    One day at a time and we can overcome the Himalayan Mountains even 🙂 <> hope you have many more better days!

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    • it makes me feel like i am belittling him, as he is in his fifties, but i had to do something to get across to him that i would not tolerate such bad behavior, and it did work. i hope i don’t have to do it often

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  6. I love “Charlie Brown” trees…and it looks great…The best part is being with your friend and the memory you will have of you two making it…Sometimes I feel you have to let others know where you are coming from and how you are feeling…We don’t always have to be the tough one…Glad you had a good day…Friends are so good! ~mkg

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  7. Terry, I don’t really think we know our parents that good and .. they don’t really know us either. So that your kids … don’t say from your heart … isn’t that strange. Love this post – you’re so open and accessible – I think you’re maybe more open with us .. here than you’re with your kids. And I love you for that.

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  8. Am much more like you in one way, am not a communicative person. I don’t know how to share or solve my problems but I know how to help others with their problems. I like fixing things on my own but I sometimes get tired and need some help but I never get around to asking for help. I know how to communicate through writing and hopefully I’ll get better with one on one conversations.

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    • this is an awesome place to write and get it out. so many are supportive here. i have to admit when it is me here at home with my brother or family is here, i always get much more quiet, and am on my guard more as to what comes out of my mouth. will i say something to hurt someone, will they take it the wrong way. i don’t have a lot of self confidence, and i don’t like this about myself, but on here i seem to be more me. family of mine seems more critical, always forcing me to
      go on the defense fence. do you ever feel this way?

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      • You are describing me. I’m a loner and I like keeping to myself. I don’t like talking much because I end up hurting the people I’m with and the people I love. I’m very defensive when am confronted because I always feel like am being attacked. The only way I respond is by either shutting down and not talking at all or saying what I feel which they take the wrong way, I end up hurting them and they tell me am cold and inconsiderate. I don’t what I say to deserve those words. I give up easily, I get discouraged easily, I hurt a lot and am too emotional. I don’t have self confidence and I hate that about me a lot and it’s a struggle to believe in myself. Lately I’ve been feeling disconnected and detached from people and my life, am suffocating and I have a lot of tension. My family and friends don’t read my blog since they don’t have time. My dad doesn’t like what I write and he says it’s not then goes on to push his own ideas on me and I don’t like that so I try every possible way to hide everything I write about even deleting my history on my computer. I would just like them to know that I do have feelings, I get hurt and I need their encouragement more than they know. I love writing, it’s the only way I can express myself, and it’s who I am. I just want to be FREE.

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      • i feel like we are blood sisters as we are so alike. i was a child of a broken marriage and never bonded with my step-mom, which was partly my fault, but i was always different than my step-mom and when she and my dad had their own child, it became hell for me and i have carried many of those unwanted feelings my entire life. through blogging here i feel needed and wanted, but in reality here at home i can go days and weeks with no knock at my door or phone call. it is a very lonely road when u feel alone. you can email me anytime at
        tellmenolies2004@yahoo.com
        just make sure to put your name or wordpress in the subject line in your first email so i don’t consider it spam and delete it.
        I care……………

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