Ping of Sadness Before I am Awake


I was woken up from my sleep by my phone going off alerting me to receiving a text. I rolled over and put my glasses on, and looked at the new message. It says, I am sorry, I am not feeling good and am on my way to the ER. I won’t be able to come today.

It was from the caregiver. At first, I was mad, then I became real, and realized I had made the choice to hire a very nice lady to watch over Al, who happened to have health problems also.

I have made a mistake, not thinking of me first, in a way. I thought of me first because I want a break so darn bad, that I hired a nice lady. I made a mistake though, by not being smart enough to realize that this could affect certain dates of her not being here, due to her health.

This is not the first time, nor the second, that my plans have gone down the tubes, but it is my last time. I can make choices. Although, I wish her well, and I hope her health becomes stable, I need a break.

My heart is feeling some sadness still at not getting out, but I placed an ad in the local newspaper to get a new respite caregiver, who is  healthier. My gosh, what if something happened to her while Al was in her care? I guess that statement is made in hind site.

This getting tougher around the edges and thinking in the priority level is difficult, but I am doing it. I would normally have just accepted the fact that she was not coming, been sad, and hoped for another chance to have my break, but this time, thanks to so many of you saying to me, that I need to be a little selfish for my sake, I have placed the ad which will start tomorrow. I will get my break, I do need my break, and I think Al could use a break from me too. Let’s hope I find another nice lady with better health!

27 thoughts on “Ping of Sadness Before I am Awake

    • yes i was, and Al doesn’t want to do anything today, darn it, so a stay at home day. guess i will write another chapter to my book! let’s just hope someone good replies. i don’t need the sick taking care of the sick!! Thanks Sandy


  1. How serious is her illness ???? Of course I would be upset and angry first too … you had been looking forward to some own-time. Maybe she will be back soon. I really hope that will find someone that have the health and strength – I think too that Al need a break from you. It goes 2 ways. Holding everything I can hold .. for your luck.


    • when i interviewed her she told me she had been through heart and back surgeries but when she said that she was working as a caregiver, i assumed, she was now alright, but evidently not. so on the look again


  2. you will find someone else and when you interview them tell them you need someone reliable. let the person know that if they are a no show they will be let go! tell yourself that you deserve someone reliable and remember there are many of us here who support you taking care of you. it is not selfish to take care of yourself. don’t you deserve to get what you are willing to give?


  3. And here I was thinking you were out having a good time. Sorry to hear it didn’t work out. But I believe the Lord has someone who will be just the right one for you and for Al. He will show you in His perfect timing.


  4. Good for you, Terry…. Yes, you have an obligation to your brother however; you also have an obligation to yourself…. If that’s not firstly fulfilled your brother will not benefit anyway… You will have to appreciate that Al may not like to be left with whomsoever cares for him; he may be just like a two year old being left at the day care centre… Yikes, that can be noisy…! However; the little one soon settles down and gets on with life…..! Just saying…!


    • you are absolutely right!!! i am so glad that i am getting some toughness to me. I have needed it for sometime. tired of sitting at the bottom of the slope, thinking i can change nothing!! I can!!!


      • Absolutely Terry… Good for you; and ultimately will be good for Al too…. So pleased that you are seeing this now. Every step brings greater understanding… xoxoxo


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