I See It Coming!


Today, I wrote a nice blog about how I got to get my time out, blah blah blah, remember? Now, I shall write about the flip side of the coin, so that hopefully, my brain will calm down and  I can get some rest tonight. What is the topic of interest? My brother, who I really did not want to write about tonight. I get tired of pouring out my heart to all of you sweet people who are trying to find posts that are enlightening but tonight’s post is frustration and a sense of losing the game once and for all.

While I was out relaxing, Al did pretty good, but the caregiver did have to work a tad harder as Al could not get up off the couch and she had to help him. It was no shock to me when she told me she had to assist him, I do it all the time in one way or another.

When she left, he was napping, so I had some extra minutes to spend with each of you. When he rose from his nap, he barely made it to the couch, and almost landed on the floor at dinner, missing the mark of the seat of the chair. I have told him so many times that he has to back up to the chair, and once he feels it to his legs, he may sit down. Remember the game we played when we were little, Mother May I? This is what I play now as a grown up.

He refuses to back up to any chair, because he wants to do it like he used to, just flop the butt down and scoot yourself to get comfy. I finally got him seated, and gave him his plate, and then I came and sat at my own little table, and he says to me, he can not eat.

I leave my plate behind for the wandering flies, and go to him. His tremors are so bad, that he can’t use the fork or spoon, and he decides he is not hungry any longer. I offer him an Ensure, which he did drink the entire drink, but then he changed his mind and wanted his dinner, but asked me to feed him, so I did, but he ended up eating about a fourth of his dinner. He was even struggling chewing the bites I had cut up. So glad I had the ensure.

After supper, he asked me to load up his tooth-brush, because he could not squeeze the toothpaste out, so I did. He asked me to help him get washed up, so I did. Then he came to the couch and sort of fell into it, like I would if I was so tired and I was going to be lying in a nice soft fluffy down feathered bed.

I left him there with the television on and went next door to the neighbors for a short time. When I came back he was still sitting in the same spot, and this is good. I played around on the computer for a while, and before I knew it snack time and medication time was here.

He could not get off the couch all evening, so I helped him each time. His knees have been freezing, a side effect of Parkinson’s for the last three days, not freezing as in cold, but freezing as in can not move. The freezing has continued in strength each of these days. He could not get the lid off of his snacks, so I opened it. He could not get on the chair so I had to physically place him in the correct spot.

Along with all of this, he is bitching because he thinks he is losing weight, which I am sure he is, then he was cussing at his shorts, because when he was being helped to his seat, his shorts dropped a little. Time for a third set of clothes due to weight loss this year.

Now snacks are over and I have told him about the depends that I bought today, and I want him to try them for tonight, just at night-time. I explained that since he is freezing so bad that he is going pee in his pants, that this might help and in the mornings he could take them off. I expected a big argument, but he said alright.

He is now sitting on the couch, tremoring and crying because his shorts are too big.

It is 11:30 at night, and I can see it is going to be another long night for the two of us. So I think you can understand why the title says, I See It Coming. Placement is going to be decided for me, I will not have to think about choices.

Mother May I

38 thoughts on “I See It Coming!

  1. I know its not what you want but realistically it is going to happen all you can do is take as much control as you can over the where, and I have said it before I really do believe it will be a blessing for you both

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  2. Terry, please don’t think like that *smile – you had a great day out and so you should. You can’t think like this – because then you will never get out of the house – this would have happen even if you where at home the whole day. Maybe I misunderstood you, but it I read it like you blame you great day for this. Please, don’t. Shit happens and it’s not going to happen less with Al – so enjoy your own time so much as you can … and then take the shit when it happens. You’re a star on my sky – please don’t stop twinkle at me. *smile

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  3. That’s usually how it works Terry…I had my Mom for 5 years …and when she fell …by missing the chair…she broke her hip…While in the hospital…we discussed that she had to have rehab…
    and once settled into that…We decided it was time for her to have the extra care she needed in a nursing home…My job didn’t end there…and yours won’t either…You have to keep an eye
    on your loved one…My sister and I traded off every other night putting her to bed…for 3 years…And I do mean every other night we went!…Taknig turns…Not counting all of the hours in the
    daytime when we had chances to be with her…It is not easy, but the time will come and it seems to be getting closer…God Love you!…mkg

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  4. Sometimes I don’t know what to say, because I can only begin to imagine your fears, your frustrations and the hours and sleepless nights spent agonising over what would be best for Al’s health and wellbeing. It must be so painful for you knowing that you have to eventually give in to this disease, but you need to remember this. You have been with Al every step of the way. No matter his mood, or your frustrations, you have still managed to express your love and concern for him. You’ve tried your best to cater to his needs and as well as his desires. Please, don’t allow guilt or insecurities to mar the strength and grace, as well as humour, that you have used to battle against the tide. Take care of yourself <3<3<3

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    • tomorrow, once again, i m placing another add for help for him and me, but this time more on a bigger time basis, six hours per day five to six days a week. thank u for caring Kadeen. I am so tired……..

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      • What sort of friend would I be if I didn’t care? <3<3<3 I hope you find what both of you need, and someone who is capable of meeting all the needs. I wish I could hug you, but I guess we'll have to settle for the cyberhugs again. <3<3<3

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      • there are some people on here that i wish did live in my area, or that i could meet, and one of them is you!!!! i always have thought that you are so very special and so nice

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  5. It’s a hard thing to decide when placing a loved one in a care facility, but sometimes it’s the only thing we can do. But on the plus side yo u can visit him everyday and not have to worry about all the little things that need to be done. Just be there with him and tell him you love him and hold his hand when he needs it. Be sure to take time to research to find a place where Al will get the care and attention he needs. My prayers are with you!

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  6. Pingback: Caregiver, Take A Rest | terry1954

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