This is Gross or Sick or Stupid!

Coffee Cup

It is late evening here at our house. Storage Wars is the main topic anymore on the television out here in the living room, where I used to be able to pick and choose what I wanted to watch, but no more.

Al some time back out of the blue started coming out here, instead of hiding in his room to watch television, which was a great miracle for the two of us. I had prayed a long time, that he would come out of isolation and join me, another human in the house, but, I had no idea, I would lose my choice of the boob tube.

Well, time slips by slowly in the evenings, and even though I should not drink coffee too close to bed time, in case I start wetting the bed, hehe. I do drink coffee. I have made just enough for two cups. One directly after stuffing myself with my supper, and one towards bed time.

So now is the time for my last cup, and I nook it and am putting away last dishes that I refuse to place in the dishwasher and I take my hot coffee and get ready to add my cream to it, and I see this tiny dark spot on top. I think, well, a coffee particle is floating on top, so I take my tip of my finger, and quickly insert it into the steaming hot cup of coffee. I do it so quickly, that I don’t have time to let my nervous system  to notice that it was burning the skin!

When I pulled out my finger, like Little Jack Horner, I noticed it was not a coffee particle, because it had eenie tiny wings on it. I sat the coffee cup down, with the aroma filling my nostrils, the steam rising, and my throat waiting to get burnt and quenched at the same time, and I stared at the little snot nose that had somehow slid his sneaky sand particle size body into my cup. I had now nuked the poor sucker.

The problem was it was late, it was the last cup, the last drop of the pot. Was I willing to waste more fresh coffee grounds to make a new pot, or should I ignore this gnat, knowing I have most likely swallowed bigger bugs in my life when I have opened my mouth out side to laugh or sneeze or gasp or eat!!!

I stood looking at the coffee and knew that I had already killed the gnat, killed the germs, and said the hell with it. I added my cream, washed my fingers, and said, bottoms up!!!! Geesh, maybe I should be a star on Fear Factor!

If I am dead in the morning and you do not see any blog postings from me, just check your local newspaper for major break busting news. Woman, from midwest, dies of gnat infestation, choking on a gnat. Size of insect unknown, side effects, unknown, but the gnat’s family did show up to show their sadness.

Life Sucks

Well, life sucks. Isn’t this a hoot? I write about my questions I am going through, and Al wakes up in pain. He was in a lot of pain last evening, all through the night, and it continued

I've had a migraine/headache for 6 days straig...

into this morning.

I knew that he suffered from being placed on the scooter for too long in order for the caregiver to get her hours, but I didn’t realize the after effects on the knees. He could still barely walk this morning, and is still in tears.

After his shower this morning, I force myself to tell the story of Al’s pain due to the scooter, and the caregiver tells me that she has an interview with a business and wants to take it! She is going to continue the showers until her time is over here and her new job starts.

I sat here and fretted about her not getting her hours from me, and she already had it planned that she wasn’t staying. Life sucks, isn’t this just the hoots? Now what direction is everything going to head???

Why Am I Always So Ditzey?



Two days a go, the new caregiver arrived three minutes late, and Al started fidgeting in his seat. He just knew she was not going to show up like others had not in the past, but she did come, and he smiled in relief.

The two of them spent some time chatting and then she took him to his bathroom and gave him his shower. That seemed to go alright with no problems. The problem arose when Al came back out here to the living room, like all of his other routine days and he just wanted to sit and watch television.

Here, he had the opportunity to be pampered and spoiled, and he wanted to watch the boob tube. She prodded him with different questions, and finally got him  up, because she asked him to show her his coca cola collection. He did this, but I could tell he would rather stay on the couch.

Soon the two of them were back out here and he returned to his favorite position of lying down, and dozing off. I think one of his pain medications is the culprit for this dozing off, but am not sure, as he does it also in the early evenings after supper too. She sat there, and the room became stagnant with no one really talking but the television.

At lunch time, she followed us to Dairy Queen, where Al wanted to go because they still have the blizzards on sale. After lunch was over, she and I talked, well, I did most of the talking, I guess.

I told her I felt embarrassed because I figured with someone other than me, he would light up like a Christmas star, and shine through much conversation. I suggested that we go from four hours a day down to two, but I could tell  by her face, that she did not like that, she wanted to earn a pay check, which I understood.

I told her that I wanted to drop down, because it was obvious, that he truly didn’t feel well, and I had thought it was me that he went around here with his feelings on his shoulders, and if there was an outing, then we would extend the hours to however long the outing was.

Yesterday, she comes back and on time this day, so no stress for Al. lol She asked if she could take him to the Boardwalk, which is where many people go for walking pleasures. I said yes, if Al felt like going, and he said it was alright with him.

I showed her how to tear the scooter apart, so that she could get it in her trunk, and at 10:30am, the two left. The drive is about two miles from here to get there. When they left, I got out of this house, and actually walked around my addition too. It was nice to be in the sunshine and have no thoughts running through my head but mine.

While I have found someone to come in, there lies another problem, which is the cost. It is quite expensive, even though it is greatly appreciated by the physical help. I had called Medicare about the same time as placing the ad, and there may be a chance that Al could get some physical therapy that would help his weak body, and then maybe, they would also be able to give him a little bit of extra attention to. So, I feel a little funny inside, as I have a caregiver, who doesn’t want to lose her hours, and in order to keep her hours, she takes him for a walk on his scooter for the entire time. When they got home, the battery of the scooter was dead, and Al could barely walk from sitting in the same position for so very long. This was clear to me what her goal was, but Al suffered and collapsed into bed from exhaustion. Then there is maybe some help from Medicare where they would pick up the tab instead of me.

I am confused right now, wanting to do what is right for Al and for me, but wondering how long I can pretend that the four hours each day are really needed, pleasing the caregiver, and then knowing also on the other hand, that Medicare may help with therapy and also pay for this.

Why can’t I be more tough inside? I know that Al paid a  high price being on that scooter for way too long in order for her to get her hours in. So what is my point here? I am confused……..