Why Am I Always So Ditzey?



Two days a go, the new caregiver arrived three minutes late, and Al started fidgeting in his seat. He just knew she was not going to show up like others had not in the past, but she did come, and he smiled in relief.

The two of them spent some time chatting and then she took him to his bathroom and gave him his shower. That seemed to go alright with no problems. The problem arose when Al came back out here to the living room, like all of his other routine days and he just wanted to sit and watch television.

Here, he had the opportunity to be pampered and spoiled, and he wanted to watch the boob tube. She prodded him with different questions, and finally got him  up, because she asked him to show her his coca cola collection. He did this, but I could tell he would rather stay on the couch.

Soon the two of them were back out here and he returned to his favorite position of lying down, and dozing off. I think one of his pain medications is the culprit for this dozing off, but am not sure, as he does it also in the early evenings after supper too. She sat there, and the room became stagnant with no one really talking but the television.

At lunch time, she followed us to Dairy Queen, where Al wanted to go because they still have the blizzards on sale. After lunch was over, she and I talked, well, I did most of the talking, I guess.

I told her I felt embarrassed because I figured with someone other than me, he would light up like a Christmas star, and shine through much conversation. I suggested that we go from four hours a day down to two, but I could tell  by her face, that she did not like that, she wanted to earn a pay check, which I understood.

I told her that I wanted to drop down, because it was obvious, that he truly didn’t feel well, and I had thought it was me that he went around here with his feelings on his shoulders, and if there was an outing, then we would extend the hours to however long the outing was.

Yesterday, she comes back and on time this day, so no stress for Al. lol She asked if she could take him to the Boardwalk, which is where many people go for walking pleasures. I said yes, if Al felt like going, and he said it was alright with him.

I showed her how to tear the scooter apart, so that she could get it in her trunk, and at 10:30am, the two left. The drive is about two miles from here to get there. When they left, I got out of this house, and actually walked around my addition too. It was nice to be in the sunshine and have no thoughts running through my head but mine.

While I have found someone to come in, there lies another problem, which is the cost. It is quite expensive, even though it is greatly appreciated by the physical help. I had called Medicare about the same time as placing the ad, and there may be a chance that Al could get some physical therapy that would help his weak body, and then maybe, they would also be able to give him a little bit of extra attention to. So, I feel a little funny inside, as I have a caregiver, who doesn’t want to lose her hours, and in order to keep her hours, she takes him for a walk on his scooter for the entire time. When they got home, the battery of the scooter was dead, and Al could barely walk from sitting in the same position for so very long. This was clear to me what her goal was, but Al suffered and collapsed into bed from exhaustion. Then there is maybe some help from Medicare where they would pick up the tab instead of me.

I am confused right now, wanting to do what is right for Al and for me, but wondering how long I can pretend that the four hours each day are really needed, pleasing the caregiver, and then knowing also on the other hand, that Medicare may help with therapy and also pay for this.

Why can’t I be more tough inside? I know that Al paid a  high price being on that scooter for way too long in order for her to get her hours in. So what is my point here? I am confused……..

18 thoughts on “Why Am I Always So Ditzey?

  1. Have uou talked to Al about the outing? Maybe the exhaustion was from having a good time? I hope so. The outing sounds like a wonderful way to change Al’s surroundings and break up his routine. And I can already tell you feel a little guilty for having time to yourself! So stop that immediately!!! Give it a little more time. Sandy


    • ya, Al and I talked, but the fact that pain was caused from being on the scooter, was all i needed to know he can not handle too much activity. you will have to read the follow up of the next blog to see how this dissolved itself


    • I was going to ask the same question. Is it possible that she just needs to learn his limits ? No change is easy and don’t worry about not being tough enought. Lady, what you have taken on proves you have all the toughness you need…and a heart of gold.


      • she was a no show this morning for Al’s shower, so even though i try to be kind, my mind says she wanted the hours over Al’s health. she asked for her pay check early, stating she had no gas for her car and then never came back


  2. Terri, every day is different. I hope Medicare can help with some of the cost. If Al wants to sit and watch TV while the care giver is there, it gives you a chance to still think just about yourself for that time. It’s confusing because you keep thinking you should just be able to make The Decision and go. The truth is that The Decision is a series of little decisions … be patient with all of you! xoxoM


  3. Terry, don’t get all stressed out just now – let it take it’s time let things fall into place .. and have a good chat with Medicare – take your time … I think if your caretaker is genuine it will work out fine and you can take your time .. and spend it on you.


  4. I am glad you found some help that came when promised. Maybe it would be good for you to leave and let them stay in the house. He might be more social if you are not there,and he can rest in the living room or wherever he needs to. It is good for you to get a break from him and also for him to get a break from you. I hope Medicare will pick up some of the financial burden for you.


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