Where Is My Strength

English: A countertop dishwasher

I am usually so strong, so I can hardly believe I feel so weak and tired. It is only 7:30pm, and I have hours to go before I can go to bed, since Al stays awake so long from his tremors. I sometimes think that it is also partly a habit by now, that his eyes do not want to close until 3:30am. So I will be safe and say it is a mixture of the two.

It was a busy, busy day. No, I didn’t have to clean in the house. I did find the minutes to do a load of Al’s laundry since we changed beds out this morning, and I have just now folded them.

Thanks to so many prayers, my head no longer hurts, and my shoulders do not feel too much pain, but my eyes are so droopy. Is this due to stress or the day of visitors, or maybe just both.

I want to apologize for not responding to too many blog comments or read too many today. Every time I sit down to the PC, my eyes get weary and fuzzy from lack of sleep.

I read two blogs that spoke of me and Al, so I reblogged them so you could read them also. The one was the visit from the blogger friend, who came here to meet Al and me  yesterday, and the other is a very nice man who talked about me being so strong.

Guilt sort of came over me after reading his remarks, as today, I don’t feel the strength at all. I feel like I have worked in the fields of a slave owner. I am going to lay down on the couch out here where Al is also lying on the opposite end of the wrap-a-round, and I hope Al forgives me, because I know I will be out. I should not do that, but I am hoping, that since I am a light sleeper, I will hear him moving, or trying to get up.

Everyone showed up today, the nurse, occupational therapist, physical therapist, and the bed company, along with a nice surprise of my granddaughter and daughter-in-law. I tried very hard to turn my head when I had to yawn. LOL

I had made a batch of potato soup today during the breaks of visitors. I had made a white sauce and had cubed potatoes, bacon, fresh sliced carrots and many spices. It was waiting for us for supper. Al said he wasn’t very hungry, and I begged him to eat a little, which he finally did.

I hate to see him lose weight, as he has already lost 53 pounds, so I told him a big thank-you for eating a small bowl of it. I feel so bad for him. He has asked many questions today, which I expected. He was told to put his canes into retirement, and another walker was sent out, so now he has two. One for bare floors and one for carpets. This is really confusing to him, but I just kept saying all day, everyone cares about you so much, we all just want to make sure we do our best to not let you fall. I think I must have said it at least 20 times.

When supper was over, I cleaned up the mess, and placed the left-overs in the refrigerator, and pushed the magic button on the dish washer. Thank-you Ms dishwasher, for not making me stand here tonight.

The tears are fifty per cent gone now and the house is quiet except for the dishwasher and Jeopardy, so I am getting off of here. I am so sorry to all, but I can not stay awake any longer.

37 thoughts on “Where Is My Strength

    • i napped for three hours and am up but ready to go back to bed. have to stay up later tonight, in order to get Al in a good start of a routine of how to get into his new bed, how to hook the urinal, and how to NOT get out of that bed! i do feel better now and with luck i will sleep good tonight or am hoping. hehe


    • You know what you mean to me, and I felt so compelled to nominate you for the Silver Quill Blogging Award. I hope that you will accept this and to also follow the directions from within the post. Congratulations my dearest friend!


    • today was so hectic. Al just had too much company with therapists, nurses, and the new hospital bed coming in. he cried a lot and got mad, but tonight was better, and i was so exhausted i could barely hold my own head up, I took a nap, that helped, but am looking forward to my bed and a whole nights sleep


  1. Just catching up to-day myself…. So many changes in such a short time for you…
    Don’t think that anyone expects you to be super-woman. We all know that you’ll have your ups and your downs; wouldn’t be human otherwise…
    You have a lot of well-wishers, all pulling for you and Al… You may feel at times that you’re not up to it, or not doing enough, or not being strong enough; but believe me… we all appreciate how exhausting it is, and must be for you… More power to you, Terry. You’re a great person, and a fabulous sister…. 🙂


  2. Keep going. 🙂
    Your strength lies in your humility and openness as well as how positively you face things – even now there is no sense of a rant or withdrawing from the world. You just keep going. That’s inspirational 🙂


    • awww thank you my dear friend. you see me so much different than i see myself. to me you are describing a wonderful person, and i see me as a sister trying to bring comfort to my brother. thank you so much Ken!


  3. You should need to go away and sleep until you wake up all by yourself – without all the MUST’s – know that it’s not possible … we can always dream – can’t we .. but it doesn’t make you any less tired. What I understand did you get a good nights sleep and it’s great news that people now turn up as planned. Great … because that means you have some moral support in all this too, even if they don’t stay maybe for so long. Hope today has been a lot better for you both.


    • yesterday was just too much, but with sleep and a new day, i am much better, and it is quiet today, my candles are lit, my slow music playing, Elvis Presley, and i have been cleaning like an old dog today!!!!


  4. Terry, you know you are tired because the stress is hard on your health…you have my prayers. Now…I want your recipe for Potato soup! Please! It sounds delicious and I’m hoping it is something I can make in the crockpot this winter and teach Jk to make. You can message it to me on facebook if you want.


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