Never Again, If I Can Help It

Racing driver Nigel Mansell driving in the 199...

Racing driver Nigel Mansell driving in the 1993 CART IndyCar World Series (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well today was real interesting and I have learned one thing for sure. I did not have anyone to do respite care for me today, and I had to drop by the bank, stop and get gas, go get salt for the softener, go to the pharmacy and pick up my medications, and go to Wal-Mart to get Al briefs and bed pads,and a few groceries to tide us over for a few days.

I knew it was going to be a challenge, so I told him that we would eat lunch at his favorite place and that he could get a car at the store. This seemed to work, and our trip for the day went well until we got to Wal-Mart.

When we first went inside the doors, we got Al a hair cut, and then we went to the eye vision section, because with Al’s Parkinson’s, his head his always facing down, so therefore his glasses slide.

He looks better with his hair cut, and they adjusted his glasses a little, but I purchased him one of those thingys that hooks onto the sides of the glasses, so they can not slide? Ya, one of those, bright red like coca cola. They seem to be helping him so far.

By this time, even though he was getting a car, he was tired, but I had to keep going as we needed his specialty items plus his toothpaste, his car, and a few groceries and the odds and ends that we throw in the cart that are not on the list.

He was slowing down on the scooter and bent more forward. I have to blame him for part of the length of time we were in the store as it took him forever to pick out the exact car that he wanted. He had to inspect them each. It was sort of funny to watch from behind him. He is in the scooter and he is bent over as far as he can be without falling into the shelves, eyeballing each one. I bet we were in the toy section a half an hour! He got his choice, and we moved on.

I hurried as much as I could but not too fast, because he his very slow on the scooter. We get up to the cashier and get everything paid for. I swear each time I go to this store, the prices raise 10% from the time before.

We get done and I have my cart and he is in the scooter and we are outside of the doors now. He is crying because he is tired and he is hurting, and I try to pay attention to him, but I need to watch the traffic more importantly, so I took my eyes off of Al, and looked at the cars zooming by. Do they realize there is a pedestrian walk way there? Do they know that they are supposed to stop and let us go through? Only three-fourths realize this and the others speed by.

All of a sudden I am thrown into the speedway of cars coming and going. I am being pushed into my cart and pinned from behind as Al can not control the cart anymore and he is pushing me farther and father into traffic.

I am screaming ouch, you are hurting me! My leg, my ankle, stop the scooter! Stop the scooter, take your hands off of the handles!!!! Cars are starting to honk and I am still being pushed into the midway. I can not get out of my position, being trapped between his scooter and my cart, that I must have been clinging to for dear life. If I would have been thinking I would have let go of my cart, but my conscience knew that my purse was in there, and I wasn’t giving up my purse.

I must be screaming loud enough from my own banged up legs and ankles because finally someone came behind Al and lassoed that cart like a wild stallion. He grabbed Al’s hands off the steering column and turned the animal off. I started crying and I don’t know why.  Probably fear and from some pain. I wailed like a big old baby, but by then, I think the crying was from built up stress for weeks on end. I became a big old jelly ball. I just lost it right there with the cars still going back and forth. Some cars did stop and got out to see if I was alright, and I looked down at myself and did not see any blood, just big red gashes and scrapes.

My mind snaps to it, and I get my cart out-of-the-way, and Al starts to move and then directly in the middle of the speed trap, he quits. His brain is no longer working from being too tired and the realization maybe of what just went down. I did leave the cart at the edge, grabbed my purse and went over and tried to get Al and the cart going, but Al’s brain just wasn’t registering.

Finally a man came by, a guardian angel, and pushed Al’s cart in maybe a neutral position clear over to our car, then he just sat there. I let him rest, cursing under my breath, because I wanted him to magically get up and help load these bags, but I said nothing. I went about placing all the bags in the car, and then helped Al get off of the cart and get him in and buckled up.

I think from the time we left Wal-Mart parking lot until we drove the three miles home, I must have smoked three cigarettes, and I was telling myself, this is it, it is over. No more going out with Al on errand day. I will not go unless I have a caregiver so he can stay at home. He can go when we go out to eat, one place, one evening, then home.

Now to check out my sore legs and do the dishes from supper. What a day! I am pooped and ready for bed and it is only 7:30 in the evening. Al will take his last medications at 11pm and he won’t be in bed until around 12:30am, if I am lucky.

Who I am

All sold out of "Almost Funny" greet...

Greeting cards on display at retail.

English: self made

You know me well enough by now to know I am never a quitter. I may be down on bended knee. My chest may be dragging the floor, and my feet dragging at times, but I am no quitter!

I have this idea for Al. It made his day so special at his birthday, but now I want to bump it up a notch. At Al’s birthday, I made a special birthday page just for him, and so many friends around the world wished him a  happy birthday.

The sad thing was, I was not able to print off that page so Al could touch it. Sometimes I go back to it and read the well wishes for Al so he knows there are people out there that care and yes, some of you love him as a Christian brother, but this time I would like to do more.


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Satan, Al, and Me

Get Behind Me Satan

Get Behind Me Satan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It was another bad evening last night. Al was on the death roll subject, and as I was in my bedroom, I could hear through the baby monitor talking. This is what he was saying.

God I want to die so bad, please help me. Oh God, please listen to me, I am begging you to help me. Satan wants me God, he won’t leave. I keep telling him to leave me alone, but he won’t listen. No one cares about me, they all just want me to be locked away. Please help me God, I want to die today.

As I heard this conversation going on, I decided to interfere, and so I walked in his room and asked him if there was anything that he needed, that I was just checking in on him. He began to cry, and saying how bad he wanted to die, and that God was just not listening to him.

He told me that Satan was laughing at him, so this is where I took my cue to help. I told Al that Satan so wants to take him away from God and he will say or do anything to believe that God does not count.

I explained how to pray and to tell Satan to leave him and his room, that he belonged to God. I have done this many times for him, but I was informed of recent, that it really needed to be Al doing this instead of me.

I started to turn away and leave then, and then heard Al start to pray. I didn’t know whether to continue walking or stand still out of respect. My feet were frozen to the floor and I was barely breathing, as Al prayed telling Satan to leave him alone. The next words out of his mouth were,

God I have asked Satan to leave, so can you take me home now?

I continued on out the door, when there was no more speaking to be heard.

I went back to the computer and in about maybe ten minutes, Al comes storming out to where I was and he is standing right in front of me. The look in his eyes was rage and if I had been looking closer, I think I would have seen steam coming out of his nostrils. I asked him what is wrong, I was just in there and you seemed very calm and at peace, and he says;

God is mad at you now! I said this can not be true, as God is a loving God and he does not get mad at us. He said, yep, you have blown it now sister. You walked out of my room and you were saying F— Y— to God. My mouth dropped open. God is not letting you into heaven, because you made fun of him. I just wanted to tell you that God hates you now!

I sat there for a moment, and then I repeated to him that God does not get mad, and that I had done nothing and surely had never said the words he had just accused me of. As Al walked back into his room, he turned around to me and snarled, that he was just warning me.

For some reason I did not freak out, nor run to my bedroom to hide from Al. Instead I knew that Al had gotten through to God and God had been listening, but someone else had been listening also, Satan. Wow, Satan was pissed off big time! He was some how using Al to scare me and to keep his hold on Al.

I gave it about five minutes and I went back to check on him, and when I entered his room, Al was reading his Bible and he looked up at me and he smiled, and he said

What’s up sis?

I said I was just checking to see if he needed anything and he said he was fine.

Wow, oh wow! I think, no I am positive, that I had just witnessed the war between Satan and man! God won though. Al slept all through the night, and I once again received six hours of uninterrupted sleep again.

This morning? Al came out and said hi sis and I saw a small smile. He asked for his pain medications and I said alright. He did his thing and so did I, and so far all is quiet.

Next round Satan?


I have blogged last evening about helping to get Al’s mind off of his pain, and I have made the suggestion of sending him a get well or just a funny card through the mail. Something for him to touch and hold and he can look at it anytime he wishes. So many of you have responded already and I am just so touched.

Al I am sure he will accept any card that is for him!! His interests are cars and coca cola, and funny animals, but anything with God on it will be nice also.

If you are willing to participate, please email me and I will email you back our physical address. I just want to help Al as much as I can and he will be thrilled that he is getting mail all for him!

My email address is:

Thanks everyone!!!


FYI— The family doctor called me yesterday and told me that he did not feel comfortable going to the next level of medications with Al’s heart, seizure, and blood pressure problems, so he gave me the phone number of a Pain Medication Clinic. I called as soon as I hung up from him, and the very soonest appointment is set for November 28th. I am upset, I am sorry, this is the soonest? I have a human being here plotting on how to end his life, and this is over a month way. Please pray with me, that a cancellation happens. Al needs to see a doctor sooner than this. This is the only doctor that can deal with Al’s situation.