I May Have To Move Outside

I am never going to plan on nothing happening anymore, even if we do not have appointments or any health care providers coming in. Never again, until taking care of Al is completely done.

Today, the shower gal came and gave him his shower. He cried the whole time and his usual wanting to die was the subject. There was nothing she could do to turn himself away from this conversation. His brain was in cement and could not be broken.

The other day when we had the chaotic episode at Wal-Mart, he did buy one of his more expensive cars, and has been bugging me all weekend that he wants another one. I have said no, only once a month for the big cars, only the tiny cars in between, and I am not even sure how I would take him to get one either, as I don’t want to have to take him to any store for a while, or at least until I forget about getting pinned in in the parking lot.

This is Al’s room. It is filled wall to wall and floor to floor. Every nook and corner is taken. Things are hiding behind his recliner, behind his dresser and tables and his closet is totally filled, with little space for his clothes. Coca cola is even over flowing into his bathroom on the walls and corners. He has one shelf on another wall I didn’t get a photo of that he has filled to the max with now his car collection.

Al has no thinking process of these items. All he knows is he likes them and wants everyone that is sold. Pretty soon, I am going to have to move outside!

Today, he had the appointment with the doctor, and I needed some batteries for his flashlight. Why, I don’t know, but he has to have the flashlight at nights. It is a tiny magnum flashlight that takes four AAA batteries, and I only had one. We stopped at the Dollar General store and then he did not want to go in. Darn it! I locked the doors and raced as fast as this old body could go, in, get the batteries, pay, and out. Gosh, my hair now looks like I ran a marathon, and my cheeks are rosy in color. Man, I am out of shape!

Then we went close by and grabbed a sandwich and of course a diet coke. This time he went in, but not before falling against the car once, and then when we were inside, he fell into the counter where you order. People may have thought that I was the town drunk’s wife! Next we stopped at the pharmacy and got yet another prescription called in for Al.

All this time, I had it planned to the letter T. It was a full circle. Al only had to get out of the car twice, once to eat, and once to go inside to the doctor’s office. I raced in and got the medications, because I knew they were ready, and locked the car and took my keys. I think I was gone about five minutes.

Then the doctor. Oh wow, what a trip this was! I had told Al he was having lab work done, but when we were at the little receptionist window, she told me the doctor wanted to see him first, and I had previously told him we would not be seeing the doctor today, just labs.

This confused Al way too much. He started crying and when we were called back to the doctor’s rooms he was still crying. He reached out to the doctor and took a hold of his doctor jacket and said please help me. I don’t want to live anymore. God doesn’t care about me because he won’t let me die, and no one else cares either.

The doctor is looking at Al and then at me and back at Al. I said now you see what I deal with at home 24/7. We do have good days, but what you see here, are the normal days. The doctor made a big boo-boo. He told Al that PD does not cause this much pain and he sort of chuckled a little. This ripped Al apart, because now to him, his doctor didn’t believe him either. I always believe him, I am not saying that, it is just I can not do anything to help him anymore as a sister, except to guide him and love him.

Al went on a crying binge. He took his glasses off and wailed nice and loud and begged for death. The doctor continues talking and says that he believes that Al has some kind of auto-immune problem on top of his PD, maybe, and he just wanted to see him first, before he went forth with the labs.

I am not sure what he thought he was going to gain by seeing him, but he did get an eyeful today. He wrote out two new prescriptions for Al. Two things Al has never taken before for  pain, and then told him to go get the lab work done.

Al and I leave that area and go to labs and the lab girl comes and gets his blood. Then Al gets his coat on with great slowness and with my help, and we get out to the lobby, and I set a new appointment for next week for a recheck on these new medications he is starting today, and the lab lady realizes she had two papers for blood work,instead of one, and she needed to poke him again.

Call me what you want, but I threw a tiny fit. I said this is great, he is crying his eyes out, is in too much pain, and now you want to give him another needle. She went over to Al and explained her error, and he just got up and walked with her. I don’t know where his mind was, but he didn’t seem to mind another stab.

After this ordeal, we had to go back to the pharmacy to get the new prescriptions filled and I promised Al he could get a diet cherry coke back at the fountain, since he could not stay in the car this time. There could be some waiting since it was not a refill. He was all for the coke so he didn’t fight it.

We got them in a very prompt manner, because this pharmacy is just the best all around in town, and then we came home. I got out and got all the goodies out of the back seat, and as I always do, I hurry to the house and unlock the door, and drop the stash, then race back to the car to help Al in, but this time was different.

I go back out the door and Al is pointing to his hand with his other hand. He is just standing there not trying to walk. I look really close at the situation to see what is going on, and Al’s thumb is in the door. He had shut the door with his thumb in it.

I ran faster than a bolt of lightning, down the ramp to the car, and jerked that door open faster than you can say Monkey’s Ass, and looked at his thumb. Al is not crying now, I think he is in shock. Blood is starting to drip, from where it got a piece of his skin, and the nail it blue already.

I am thinking what do I do, what do I do. Is this considered and ER trip? I ask Al does it hurt, and I am sure if Al could get by with it, he would have slapped me silly for that question. I tell him we are going in the house so I can clean it and examine it, and we need to walk as fast as we can, but that didn’t work. Al’s walking was no faster than any other time.

We got in the house and went straight to the kitchen and I ran cold water over it for a few minutes, then I examined it. It wiggled, it was lightly bleeding, and the thumbnail was becoming deeper blue. Since the bleeding had almost stopped, I wrapped it in a band-aid, and had him take one of his new pills for pain.

He is now laying down but right before he drifted off, I took another look at the band-aid. I did see blood but none seeping through. I asked him how it felt and he said fine. Wow, if that would have been my thumb, fine is not the word you would have heard me say, but let’s let him rest. I get no nap or rest today, as it is almost 5:30pm, and he will be awake in forty-five minutes for his supper, but yet that is enough time for a quick cat nap, so talk to you all later tonight.


48 thoughts on “I May Have To Move Outside

  1. That doctor needs to do research! PD has been recently linked to pain attacks. I know that for a fact, because it happens to my husband every once in a while. Later in the week I will try to search for the actual investigation and will post it on my Sunday blog post.


  2. What a day eh? I am so sorry he is and you are having such hard days. As far as still being able to get him his cars and not having to take him out, walmart has a website which you can order online and have it delivered to the house. This way if he can not look at anything online maybe print some pics of them and ask him to pick one out then go back on and order it. He should be ever so thrilled to receive them by mail. He is happy and you don’t have to deal with any crowds and al not feeling well enough to be out. And maybe instead of going out to eat order in and have it delivered as well. You on the other hand do still need your time away even if for a couple hours. He is at a point now where he really should not leave the house he needs to be made comfortable inside the house. And the doctor should know this. There for they should be able and compassionate enough towards al and yourself to do anything needed over the phone or make an old fashioned home visit. We could only get that lucky I know. That is something lacking in todays doctors for the most part still some good ones out there but most lack the compassion. They treat you like a number and not a human being. Especially when they get it in their heads that they can not do anything more for you. I wish Hospice would help you as they stated he is in the last stages. I will send his card as soon as I get paid i promise. I hope that he is able to get comfortable and as much pain free as possible real soon. For his and your sake. Take care my friend!


    • thank you Tracy. the idea of mailing the cars to him is a wonderful idea. thank u for letting me know, it is perfect. i wish doctors came to the house too, it would make life easy. we don’t go out to eat much anymore unless Al has to go out. we try to order in or i just plain cook


  3. Terry, please know that I will continue to pray for you and Al. I don’t know all about the goings on, but I have some idea. The idea of going online and ordering from Walmart is a wonderful plan. Some areas or communities have student doctors that do make house calls to those who can’t get out. Try calling some area hospitals if possible. Also, is there an adult day care in your area that could make arrangements to send a sitter…so you can get some time to yourself. Just a couple of ideas that you may not have thought of. From what I have read in your comments…you have some wonderful friends…depend or lean on them for support. Take care and blessings 🙂


    • Thank you so much for this heart felt comment. I have almost begged for respite care. I hire and then they don’t stay or worse yet, don’t show up. Others, tell me they will be here and then reschedule. The hospitals may have a doctor such as you have stated, and I will look into this. There is one day care here for him, and it is $100.00 per day. We can not afford this. I keep trying to find someone. What is funny about all of this, is people say they need money so bad. Well here I am offering pay for services, and no one comes forth with any experience. I have to be careful. I can not hire these young people who know nothing about Al’s several issues


  4. Oh what a day! You do the work of 10 people, Terry. I’m sorry that the doctor didn’t really believe Al was in pain. That is painful right there. Loved the idea of ordering things from Walmart! I do that too! God bless you and bring you some rest soon!!!


      • I can only imagine. Do you have any options to change to a different physician at least? It seems as though so many in the medical community are overlooking ways to help you.


      • I have thought about it but I don’t think it is a good idea anymore. Al will be even more frustrated and he has just gotten to the place where he will talk to the doctor, and this took a year! with Al being in the fifth stage, most of his specialty doctors are now PRN, we are just trying to keep him as pain free as possible. this is a good idea, and maybe six months ago i would have considered. thanks for a great idea!!!!!


  5. What else??? …a smashed finger…glad he took it as good as he did…I think his room looks so homey and comfortable…You should be so proud of yourself for letting him have these days with the “things” he loves…and believe it or not he surely loves “YOU!”


  6. Ouch! A thumb in the door, I did that with my finger once, and I wailed like a baby!!

    I’m sorry today was such a hard day, but I’m glad that the doctor got to see a little bit of his meltdowns, that way people know understand what you’re dealing with a little more!


  7. It is days like this that make us thankful for the quiet, non-eventful days. I am thnakful that all turned out well. I’m hoping the new pills make a big difference with Al. Lord bless.


  8. I’m exhausted reading about your day Terry! Goodness you go through so many ups and downs in life with your brother. I could cheerfully have punched that doctor for his condescending attitude – alas, he’s not the only one in the world like that.
    Get some rest!


    • i did get a whole night of six hours last night, with only two wake ups, so did pretty good. if i can get some sleep and God stands with me, I can do this. I wanted to smack that smile off of that doctor’s face also, but i am not like that so let him have his smile, for one day he will come to realize this isn’t funny or lighthearted. thank you for a wonderful comment Ken


  9. Sorry about the day you had. But, as far as Al’s room is concerned…you should see mine. I collect and never throw anything away!! His looks wonderfully uncluttered compared to mine!!


    • Al would let his room be cluttered too, but with PD, we can’t allow it, and he doesn’t really get it, or he would not get so upset!!!!! So you are a clutterer person huh??? LOL


  10. しかし、世慣れレー


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