For The First Time My Head Was Hanging Down

sad-faced cat

Today was the day that Al and I went back to the doctor for a recheck on his new medications he had been put on last Monday, and to discuss the numerous tests that had been done on him in the ER on Friday and last weeks labs that had been drawn.

We walked in and waited for a few moments and then Al’s name was called. He was weighed and now he had lost the four pounds he had gained and even lost two more pounds, making this the lowest he has ever weighed.

We then went to our familiar little room where the doctor comes to pay his visit and give you his infinite wisdom. Al’s vitals were checked and then the doc came in and sat down and was all smiley.

I had a list of things that the home health care nurse had given me to ask, so I started the conversation first. The doc didn’t really respond too much, did a lot of smiling, made one adjustment from what the nurse had stated. He also said that Al would be checked for cancer the first week of December on his enlarged prostate.

Then the room became silent. It was like when you are in a group of strangers, and all the surface talk has been played out, then what, silence, until someone speaks. This was the way it was here also, then the doctor spoke.

He said that he was very shocked that the test results did not show that Al suffered from something else besides Parkinson’s Disease. He said that he was so sure that Al could not be in this much pain from this illness, but he was wrong. All the labs came back negative from every kind of bug or arthritis or anything. The only thing that proved him wrong for sure besides the tests, was the brain scan that the hospital had shown.

Al’s brain is consumed with Parkinson’s, and yes he is suffering. The wiring in his brain is being cut off from the death of cells. He said that whatever we wanted to do , it was fine with him anymore, just tell him what would make us happy.

I looked at him and said nothing. Al said what did he say?, and I said, the doctor wants you to be happy. Al said, oh ok. For now we have postponed the Pain Clinic appointment, and are going to continue with his new medications, since it has taken away some of the tears and talks of death. Other than that, there is nothing.

As we walked out, my head was low just like Al always carries his. Al didn’t get anything the doctor said, and I understood too much.

Let’s Start Off With The Good First

Left-Hand Side of the "Seasons Greetings:...

carved hallmark card

The third batch of cards came today and once again, I get to get on my knees and say thank-you to all of you and God for laying the desire to help with sending cards to Al.

I don’t know what I am going to do after they stop! LOL. Now each day when I go to the mailbox, he smiles real big, and says, I bet there is a card there for me!

Tonight, he could not open any of his cards. He was too weak, so I tore them open for him, and then he could not read the writing on any of them.

I had an eye doctor appointment for him last Friday, but because of his fall and many hours in the ER, I had to reschedule for this coming Friday. I did ask the doctor about his eyes today, and he said, Well, you know , there are muscles behind the eyes.

Ok, that was just what I wanted to hear. Thank-you very much for making me feel better!!!

Tonight, I want to give thanks to people who Al received cards from:

Andrea Kelly

Sheila and Michael, from Longing End

Marilyn Griffin



I will forever remember each of you for what you have done for my brother. He does smile so big when I hand him his cards, which is what I was hoping for.

If there is anyone that wants to still send a card, no pressures from me, just if there is anyone, please email me at

and I will give you a mailing address.

Bless each of you and all others who have been so gracious!

You Say This, I See This

English: Front side of the left knee.

As you all know Al fell on Friday and he is also on new medications. I don’t see any difference in his PD, but I have not seen the tears as bad, nor have I heard him speaking of dying as much.

What I am noticing is that his sugars are higher than they ever were, which still aren’t high to me, considering I am also a diabetic and would love to have my sugars at his numbers. Also, his appetite has plummeted, but also has his heart rate and blood pressures.

Why does there have to be so many side effects to medications? Can’t they make one that just deals with the problem, instead of getting other parts involved? His knees are giving out. I don’t know what this is about and I asked the head of the therapy this morning when she was here, why.

She believes it is just a part of Parkinson’s. Just. what a word, one syllable, a small word, but so powerful. Just a disease, just a part of life, just a part of his un-stableness, just. Let’s toss it to the river, and find another word that is more compassionate.

Today, we go to the doctor for a check up of the new medications he was put on last week. We are also going to find out the results of the lab works done last Monday. I am supposed to ask for a referral to a urologist also, since the hospital said they could not put a catheter, regular, nor a special one for prostate problems, so we need to see a specialist to see how much this gland is enlarging. He is not happy about this visit, as it is too far away from lunch time, and too far from supper, and of course, the major part, it interferes with his nap, but I could not help it, there was no other time slots for the day the doctor wanted him to return.

The therapist said that Al has strong legs. What does she mean strong legs? Like mine or yours? Then why does he fall, why are his knees beginning to buckle away quickly, and all of a sudden he is down.

Yes, this is a new thing, about a week ago, maybe something to do with the new medications? He will be walking along and all of a sudden his knees give out, and down he goes. He has not fallen completely to the ground. He has been lucky so far and used his walker to catch himself, but this is happening, so I will be asking the doctor if his medications could be causing this, so how are his knees still strong. Why does he walk so unstable, and topple over so easy, if his legs are so strong.

I did something Sunday that you may think is silly, but it  helped me so much, that I even cleaned some of my too high shelves off, plus I cleaned both bathrooms. I have had trouble sleeping the past few days. I am so dead tired, but when I lie down to go to sleep, my mind is whirling, so yesterday, I got out my Christmas CD’s and played a couple of them. They lifted me up, and I was able to deal with everything pretty well that day and even slept better last night.

I guess it is not that far off from Christmas. I have seen Christmas commercials on the television, and when I was allowed to escape Saturday, I saw decorations in the stores. These stores are just screaming, SPEND, SPEND, SPEND! What about the  people who can not spend, do you think the stores care, that they have made some sad and maybe sent them into a whirl of depression, because our brains are being taught that Christmas is spending, instead of who’s birthday it is?

Well enough for now, I have blabbed past my time. I will let you know what we find out from the doctors today, later on. Have a nice day!