Spider In The Furnace

Too many types of emotions today, and the only way to get rid of the bad ones are to do

The first web spun by the spider Arabella in orbit

what I know how to do best, BLOG! The good thing was that I got to say a bunch of thank-you’s today. I posted that blog first, because I wanted to settle down and be able to type correctly, instead of cursing at the world, for something that is no one’s fault out there in blogger world.

Remember the song, Where Do I Begin? This is the way I feel. This morning, I woke up before Al, so had the medications out, and his juice and milk poured in their special two-handled cups.I got dressed and brushed my teeth and hair. Started the coffee maker, and let’s see, did I do anything else? No, not at that time.

Al got up as I turned the coffee maker on, so helped him with his breakfast, got him seated, and went into his room and emptied the potty commode, and changed the wet bed.

The coffee being done, I sat  here for about ten minutes, going through emails and enjoying my first cup of coffee. I did not have the first cup half done, when the shower girl appeared ready to give Al his shower. While she gave him his shower, I sneaked in some time and paid one of Al’s hospital bills, and the phone bill, and the gas company bill, then the doorbell rang again.

I quickly placed all receipts away and went to the door, and the furnace man was standing there. I had called him on Friday, letting him know the blower to the furnace was not kicking on.  He went about his business looking the heating machine over, and at the same time Al was done with his shower. He and the shower lady made their way out here to the living room, and there was some small chit-chat as usual, and then she left.

I could find no one to sit with Al and I desperately needed to go to the bank, and to the grocery store, so we waited for the furnace man to be finished, and he said the reason the blower was not kicking on, was that there was a spider web, built over the pilot, and this was not allowing the flame to burn high enough to force the blower on. He cleaned the web out and tried the furnace again, and poof, magic, everything worked.

I dug up some money and paid him for his services, and thanking him I walked him out the door. I came back inside and gathered all of the trash together, as our big trash bins are at a place where it would be hard to walk to . No one in this addition leaves trash at the curb, which is good. It helps keep critters out of trash, and any nasty bugs that might want to come and feast.

As I am gathering trash from Al’s bathroom, I notice the furnace man forgot or did not put the two doors back on the front of the furnace. This makes me very nervous, when the wires are all showing in the open, because our furnace is in a hallway, and this is sometimes where Al stumbles or falls, going in this small area.

I tried to place the doors back on myself, but could not do it. I have watched my son do it a few times, and still can’t get it to clip on exactly right. I called the furnace man back then and asked him  how to do this and he sort of laughed. I did my best to ignore the laughter, as he was letting me know that I was a dumb woman. He said he thought that I had taken the doors off so he let them remain off. I said, no, you took them off, I watched you do it. He says he doesn’t remember what kind of furnace it is. Now I realize he is an elderly gentleman, but he had been here not even twenty minutes earlier, and he didn’t know how the doors hooked back on? Give this woman a break, I am not a blonde today, I am a brunette! No gain, he didn’t come back and so they remained off.

I hung up from talking to him, and got the trash bag outside, and then helped Al with his coat and hat, and got my cell and my smokes, purse, and keys, and we left. On the way out of the drive way I noticed the leaf truck had been here but the leaves were still sitting there, and he walks over to me and says to me,tell your son, that if he is going to mulch the leaves, that he can not leave them here as the machine that picks up loose leaves can not pick them up now as they are too small.

I tell him I will give my son the message, and off we go to do our errands. I did manage to get everything done, but it was a big, big ordeal for Al going through all of this with me. We get back home and I bring in the load of groceries, and Al tries to help me, bless his heart, but it is just too much for him, so I tell him to go rest. In between this, I text my son who lives very close, and ask him if he can run down for just a moment, and he replies yes.

I go about putting the rest of the groceries a way while waiting for him, and get the freezer and cold items safely placed, and my son knocks. He did not come alone, he brought his family along with him, which is alright with me. He says,what do you need? I tell him about the furnace door and the leaves outside, and he flips out on me, letting me know that this is not his house nor his yard, so not his leaves, and not his problem. I stated that I was just delivering the message, that I did not ask him or tell him he had to do something about it. For all I care at this point, the freaking leaves can blow a blunder into the wilds.

My son asked me how many times am I going to ask him to slip the doors back on the furnace, and I had called him in this cold weather just for this? I explained about how I felt unsafe with all the wiring showing and with Al’s falling, I would feel better if the doors were back up, a safety thing in this house. He made me feel like crap. He said it wasn’t that important for him to run down here just for that. We argued a bit, me letting him know I was his mom, and that once in a while, he should respect my wishes, and just do this for me without bitching at me like a little kid.

He continued on that I should have been standing over the furnace guy watching what he was doing, because no spider web would do that kind of damage, and then I would have been able to tell him to place the furnace doors back on, or better yet, watch the furnace man place the doors back, so I can do it and not have to call the son to do it when it is not his furnace.

I don’t know if that furnace man ripped me off or not, maybe there was a spider web, maybe not, maybe there was a loose wire he wiggled, maybe not. What pisses me off is the lack of respect from my own kid. I snapped at him and told him I have to pay for everything you do for me, and maybe sometimes he should do something for me because he is my kid and I am his mom. He told me that I should not use guilt trips to make him feel bad.

He did put the doors back on and then they all left. When I get mad, I start shaking. I do not cry, which would be easier, I just stand and shake all over. Al was looking at me, and for the fact, in between son and me arguing, I had also fixed Al’s lunch, so he was eating and watching and listening, and maybe a little scared at the raised voices.

He and  his family went home, and I went back to putting groceries away, and mumbling under my breath. Al finished his lunch and went to his room stat! I came over here to the computer then , and one tear did fall. I was on an instant anger and pity trip.

Why did I have three kids,and why don’t any of them call or help or act like they want to know if I am alright, or dead or alive, or even ask how Al is…My son had told me that I lean on  him too heavily, and by this he meant the leaf raking and mowing and anything else he does for pay.  I have five big trees, so there is a lot of raking. I help as much as I can, but I hate leaving Al in the house by himself, in case he falls. Last year, I raked a lot, but Al was nothing compared to the way his is this year with  his health. He told me to ask my other two kids for a change. My other two children, I can not ask, my one son has medical problems, and my daughter lives in another state.

Why can’t I ask the son who lives near by? Am I taking advantage of him as a child? I don’t think so, and where is the respect for a parent? I did not raise my kids to be disrespectful at all.

All I know at this time and moment, is that I am questioning why did I ever move back to Indiana. The answer was I felt like we needed to come home because this is where everything is as far as Al’s health goes, and I missed my kids so bad.

Right now, if I had the money and Al was in a different situation, I would place my home on the market, and get the hell out of dodge. Go somewhere where I am not facing cold temperatures like today and big winds. I will never go back to Florida, too darn hot, but maybe to an area where people in general are friendly.

There, I have said it, and it still hurts, but I feel a bit better.

Children will step on your apron strings when small

And on your heart when they are grown. This was always my grandma’s saying, and I believe it is true. I want to blame myself for something to make me feel better, but this time I am not taking the blame upon my shoulders. My shoulders are already filled to the maximum taking care of Al.

27 thoughts on “Spider In The Furnace

  1. Terry, I’m so sorry it was such an awful day! There’s no blame here: some days are good, others not so much. Here’s to many more really good days coming your way, my friend! xoM


  2. My mother lives in another state from me, a little over three hours from Connecticut to Long Island (NY) one-way. Of my two remaining siblings, I am farther than my sister (who lives roughly an hour from my mother), but a LOT closer than my brother who lives on the other side of the country in California.

    We all help when and as we can, but — like you — my mom will call my sister most often because she is closest. Like your son, there have been many times my sister has literally and disrespectfully screamed at my mother. My mother then calls me in tears.

    In past generations, the children, parents, grandparents and even great-grandparents often lived in the same town if not in walking distance of each other. People met and married those nearby, so in-laws also lived in the same area. People were close and able to help each other every day. The elderly helped watch the small kids, while the older kids and middle generation did the bulk of the work. Today, we are far-spread and involved in many other commitments, and it is difficult, or even impossible, to help aging or ill parents.

    I don’t believe your son has the right to be rude to his mother. Nor does my sister have a right to scream at our mom. But I can also understand things from their perspective too. From my sister’s perspective, she has to frequently drive to my mom’s and help with many little things. She also has a teenaged daughter, a seven-year old son, and her husband and her are working on adopting a child from overseas. There are meetings, plays, school sports, girl scouts, dates, cub scouts, chess clubs, and countless other activities for the kids. That doesn’t include their involvement with the Church community, neighborhood, nor the overtime and extra work that their employers demand they do at night and weekends. So when my mother calls her to help change overhead fluorescent lights or reprogram a phone, she gets frustrated, reaches the limits of her stress-threshold and blows up at my mom.

    A happy medium I try to get everyone to work on is pre-scheduling “honey do” list days. These are days when families can visit “grandma” and my siblings and I can help fix what is on my mom’s to-do list. But there will always be the emergency things that need to be done right away. For these, we try to resolve them over the phone first.

    In the case of the panel, we all run into things that we cannot do no matter how hard we try on our own. That is why there is tech support and help desks. You are a capable and smart woman, Terry. I believe you could have gotten the cover on if your son talked you through it step-by-step over the phone. Or, like my mom has me do, your son could have called the heating guy and told him to go back and put the panel on. Sometimes having other people call after the first “no” will result in a “yes.” Call it ganging up on them or not, if it is part of their job, they should do it. So I’ve made many calls on my mother’s behalf. It beats the seven-hour round trip. 😛

    I hope you can work with your son to reach a happy medium. It is never a quick-fix thing, and we are working on it ourselves. But I hope and pray that things will get better for you, so you will get less nastiness and more love that a heart like yours deserves. 😀


  3. I feel bad for just the ‘overall’ aspect of everything that happened….I do believe the furnace guy wasn’t totally upfront and certainly should have returned to put the doors back on for you….that would have alleviated one problem…I do wish that your son could see the strain that you are under and not make things worse for you…He could have just put the doors back on and said what he wanted about the leafs but not made you feel that you were burdening him. We need support from our family regardless of what it’s for…and we need them to help without a lecture on what they deem important…Perhaps he will feel badly and apologize….?? Another storm that had to be weathered…take care Terry…Diane


  4. It is days like this that causes a Christian to long for the Lord’s coming!

    Luke 21:28 (KJV) And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh.

    Lord bless you, Terry. My prayers continue everyday.


  5. Terry, Terry … when will you have a really good day ??????? So so sorry, for you bad day.
    Terrible the way your son treated you – totally agree with DaPoet – he sends the wrong message to his kids. So disrespectful against you. You have to have put your foot down here. If I had been there – I would turned his nose around 360 degrees. Not the first time I done that on a man. What is wrong with people those days ????


  6. What a day…but, they do happen…and we all say things when we are stressed…I hear it all of the time when there’s one kid you hang on to more than the others…when you need an extra hand…
    It seems when we need them the most…is when they say or do something that’s so hurtful…Who knows why!…maybe something had happened before they came over…you never know…
    We all think about things we say…and usually know if we have guilt… a “sorry” may be coming…Let’s hope!…mkg


    • i saw him tonight, and he was his normal nice self and never mentioned anything about yesterday, this is not uncommon, he says things with such lack of niceness, but he doesn’t see it that way.


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