Need A Laugh On A Sunday Morning?

Trained attack dog Samo leaps forward toward a...

Do you want a little humor for your Sunday morning review?

Do you want to read a comic that happened in reality, instead of a newspaper column?

Well, I have one for you, and it came out of the blue, not planned, or rehearsed.

I climbed out of my warm bed, because I heard the cries of Polly, letting me know she had to go potty. I slipped on my pink, fuzzy, warm house robe, and my fluffy slippers, and walked over in my new routine to open her crate door, bend down, letting the blood surge to my front of my head, reminding me that I do have sinus cavities, and picked the little two-pound fur ball up.

She doesn’t walk to the front door yet, nor does she walk up or down the four steps that lead to the yard. I walked out to the living room and grabbed  my first cigarette for the morning, lit it and she and I headed for the door.

Believe me, I can do this routine in my sleep now, I am now accustomed to being woke up out of a dead sleep! I unlock the front door, open the door and the storm door, walk down the four steps, grab the end of the leash string, because now that she is nine weeks old, and starting to show her personality, I have found by pure accident and a chase around the yard, that she will wander off exploring the yard.

So, I have the leash attached to her and I put her down on the ground so she can go explore a perfect spot where she can do her elimination. I am smoking my smoke and looking up at the skies, noticing how blue it is and how I am a bit chilled, and I glance back down at her, and she has just tinkled.

Good dog, but I know you have one more process to handle before we can go back inside to the warmth of the house. She is sniffing and snooping and the beginning of the squat process is in play.

I see something out of the corner of my eye, and to my amazement it is a loose dog, not just any dog, a big dog, racing it hind legs as fast as they can travel to get to my Polly. With the size of that dog and the size of Polly, I think maybe that big old dog thought this was going to be a nice twig to chew on.

I threw my cigarette down and in my slippers, I raced, without thinking to grab Polly up to the safety of my arms, ready to defend her with my life, and the dog is getting closer and closer. Having her safely in my arms, I turn to run, yes run, first thing in the morning, back to the steps and I fall.

Oh yes, I fell, and my hands ended up in a nice pile of crap. Polly jumps out of my arms from shock from  a  mommy who was losing it, and she heads for the stairs all by herself, but she starts whimpering for help, as she can’t climb the first step.

The dog is here, and he and I have an eye to eye conversation, he looking for a snack, and my eyes telling him no way, Jose, you are not getting my baby. I take the only thing I have as far as a weapon, and that was my poop infested hand and I flipped it at the dog.

He backs up a little, as he could realize it was fresh and he wanted no part of that, but he didn’t remain back long enough, the taste of Polly was too tempting for him and so he came back again towards me. I snatched Polly back up in my arms, and two steps a way from me was the old rotten broom that I use for sweeping the porch.

With one hand holding Polly, and the other holding the broom, I got in to the pirate position and with my sword, I plunged at the dog, threatening his life with my weapon. He snarled, and I attacked, he snarled and I popped him with the bristles of my broom, my sword.

I could not aim very well with holding  Polly, so I ended up swishing the bristles right across his buttocks. He jumped and whimpered, and with his tail between his legs, he took off like a bat out of hell.

I raced up the four steps and opened the door and we went in safely. I fell into my computer chair, with Polly in my arms, explaining how I had saved her life, and then setting her down, I stood back up and inspected my own self for damages. The only thing I saw was dirty hands, so I went and washed them good.

By this time, my coffee was ready to drink, so I grabbed a cup and put my cream in it and came over here and sat down, waiting for my heart to calm back down. Wow, I need another cigarette now, and this nice cup of hot coffee. I look around and there is innocent Polly, relaxing, chewing on her toys.


46 thoughts on “Need A Laugh On A Sunday Morning?

  1. You should join – Navy Seals .. with that instinct – US can sleep sound. Brilliant – so funny, glad you both are okay, it could gone very wrong. A dirty sunshine story. *smile


  2. Oh my goodness, I’m glad you were both okay after all of that! You know our dog was viciously attacked recently by a Rottie and a Huskey Mix. My Hubby had to pull our dog out of the mouths of the other two three times. Our dog was badly injured then eneded up with terrible infection which ripped open all his wounds again. He is now back to himself with some big scars and a bad haircut.
    I hope the rest of your day is uneventful in a good way!


    • now that it has passed, i can look back and see that it could have turned a different direction. I was very lucky, and so was Polly and the big dog. A swat on the rear could have been worse for him. lol. Polly was too little to really get the feel or reaction of being in danger. that is terrible about your dog accident. wow, I would have wanted to kick that other dog’s rear end. so glad your dog healed with just a scar!


      • Yes, in the moment you did what you had to do that’s good! You probably saved her from a fear of dogs too! Our dog had two surgeries and over 40 stitches twice. My Hubby was out of town with our dog and visiting a friend…it was her dogs (through no fault of her own) that attacked ours. The day after the attack Hubby and pooch had to make the 13 hr. trip back home.


    • When I stood up to dart back in the house, I actually did take a second to look around to see if any neighbors had seen this. I didn’t see any drapes close quickly or blinds being shut, so I think I was safe from foreign eyes. hehehe


  3. Terry, that would have made the video world go viral! I would have done the same thing to protect the little animals. One of the best ways to stop a big dog in your yard? keep the hose ready to hit him with a blast of water!


    • I think that is a wonderful idea, the hose, but unfortunately at this time of year, the hose is in the shed being protected for the winter snows. A video? O wow, I didn’t want anyone to see me doing acrobats!!!! LOL


  4. Oh my goodness, what a way to start your day!! The experience that you just described is exactly why I do not take my tiny dog out at all. She is just 3 pounds, and uses piddle pads in the house. I am afraid that big dogs and hawks would want to eat her! 🙂


  5. Thank you,I had a long day today and I really needed that laugh…that was hysterical!!!!! BTW turning your back on a dog can make you the prey. Sometimes the best thing to do is stand feet slightly apart in a total assertive stance and in a very authorative tone of voice tell the dog no or off. If it’s someone’ stray pet most likley it will be trained. This has worked for me at the dog park. I have to say my Missy did get attacked by what appeared to be an older hound dog when she was 2 years old as we were walking in front of our place——Glad Polly is safe, and once again thank you for the laugh 🙂


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