Visiting Al Today

LTjg Ann Bernatitus, (NC), USN. Albert Murray,...

I went to see Al today and I did not get to stay very long. When I walked in to the room his face was a frozen mask. I see this much more often than I used to. He still has his moments of alertness but they are beginning to grow thin.

I saw a boo-boo on his forehead and asked him what happened, as I saw blood seeping through. He stated that he had run into the bathroom door last night through the night. I said wow, that must have hurt, and he nodded his head yes.

It is getting difficult to see what kind of mood he is in with his face in a blank stare, but he did tell me he was sorry that I had come out, because he did not feel well, and he wanted to sleep so bad. I saw his eyes nodding more and more and so I let him go to sleep.

On my way out the nurse said that he is becoming more confused and I agreed with that I had seen it also. He is using the wheel chair more and more, and I know that he feels like everyone is laughing at him. I told him I understood, but it was alright to use it. It is better to ride the wheel chair instead of falling. The nurses and aides are having to push him up by the arms to keep him standing. His poor legs are just getting tired.

It looks odd to see a six-foot man not be able to hold those legs up, but we can not see what is going on inside of the muscles and nerves. I so wish I could just stop it all for him. He is napping more and more, but yet at times you can see him joke around with the nurses and smiling. His words are soft-spoken now and the words all become together, making it hard to understand what he is saying. He is stuttering quite a bit now.

The nurse just called me and said Al is really confused tonight. He can’t remember her name and he asked for pain pills, and she said she would go get him some. She told me when she went in his room to give them to him he was sitting stark naked. She asked what are you doing, and he replied waiting for my pills. She said naked? He said, am I naked?

My poor brother. My heart breaks at what this nasty old mean Parkinson’s Disease is doing to him. My friend tells me he is going to get so much worse, and I believe her, because she has so much more experience with the disease than I do, but I am fighting it. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want it to get worse. I want my baby brother back. What if he forgets who I am………


Daily Prompt;Just a Dream/The Daily Post

You’re having a nightmare, and have to choose between three doors. Pick one,

Gold Glitter

and tell us about what you find on the other side.

I will pick door number two, because in my mind it is in the middle. It can’t be too bad or too good to be true.

What I found on the other side was magnificent. Beautiful trees with shimmery golden leaves. A blue sky that went on forever and ever; not even a puff of a cloud in my view.The sun was brighter than anything I have ever seen. It sparkled more than the biggest diamond.

A long brick path leading down a long narrow lane. It split off at the end and once again I was able to choose which of the three paths I would take. The bricks were as new, never having had a footprint on it. Not a sliver or blade of grass grew in between the cracks.

I walked the path, feeling like I should walk in bare feet to not leave specks of dirt to follow me. I could smell the dirt around me. It smelled so fresh, like it had just been placed. It was so dark like a strong cup of coffee. It smelled like it had been freshly watered.

Rustling of leaves made music to walk to. Branches bending down welcoming me on my trip. Birds of many colors flew near and above me. Whispering sweet words of hellos and welcomes.

I reached the end of the road and I chose door number one. A new beginning, a promise of hope, new sights. Number one always represents the first. The first of everything to come my way.

As I entered the big golden oak door, my eyes popped, and tears raced down my face. I had made the right choice. A sight awaited for me, hands reaching out to welcome me, gathering around me, heart to hearts were being shared.

Every void that I have suffered the past 12 years were replaced and made whole. As each soul touched me another hole was filled. When I looked down at myself, it was as if I was brand new and had never been branded with pain.

I saw my dear Mother, who was the first to come greet me. As I looked into her green eyes, glittery tears reflected into my heart. She loved me, she had always loved me. All the guilt I had carried all my life about the way I had treated her had vanished.

Behind her, coming out of the shadow was my daddy. I fell on bended knees and wept like a new-born baby. My daddy, the hero of my life. I stood up and raced into his open arms and gave him the biggest bear hug I could muster. I heard him whisper in my ear,” I am sorry my daughter. I should have been more open. I should have told you that I loved you. I was shy and didn’t know how to reach out”.

“Oh daddy, I always knew you loved me. You may not have said it, but I always felt it”. We hugged and the clock quit ticking as the two of us healed. We drew apart and the three of us formed a small circle. We took each others hands and held tight. We would never disappear from one another again.

In the background, I saw familiar faces. I smiled and was greeted with loving faces of my grandparents, aunts and uncles. I turned towards the door and I saw it being nudged to open, but it would not. I let go of my parents hands and gently walked up to the big oak door, trying to peek into the peep-hole.

I wept once again as I saw my dear brother standing on the other side. He was calling my name. He was kicking and crying and knocking on the door. I could hear him telling me, ” Please let me in sis. Don’t  leave me out here all alone”.

I said to him,” I hear you Al, I hear you calling my name. I love you brother with all of my heart. I am here with mom and dad and grandma and grandpa. They are waving hello to you brother”. The noise stopped as he leaned his ear close to the wood and strained to hear every word I said. He said, ” Please let me in. I am afraid. I don’t want to be here without you”. With this I replied, ” I can not do as you wish for this one time. God is whispering in my ear, that it is not your time. Go back dear brother. Be brave, hold your chin up high. You will be alright. I am watching over you. The good news is you just have to wait a little while longer, and then we shall all be together, a family again”. As I looked through the peep-hole, I saw him lower his head and walk slowly a way. My heart ached  as I always wanted to give him what he wished for. I said to myself, it won’t be long baby brother, it won’t be long.

My Christmas Wish

Christmas at home

My nerves are testy and they should not be

I am trying so hard to keep that smile on me

I am going to visit my brother today

I only hope he is having a good day

Here at home I hear silence and gloom

Hoping   I will see more when I enter his room

My wish for Christmas is that he smiles for me

Let his heart soar and his mouth full of glee

I know he is better and safer too

But the loss that I feel over not having you

Here at home with me makes me sad

I wish I could go back and have what we had

Christmas Day is nearing soon we know

I’m bringing you home in the drifting snow

I yearn for that day to be good for you

That I can spoil you so in all I do

You have come to feel at home in your new place

You have a routine set and you have set a pace

I am happy for you that you feel you fit in

I tried my best but Parkinson’s did win.

Terry Shepherd