Resolve means obsolete, dissolve, melt, break-up and separate.
2012 is ending and the fears and hope of 2013 are coming in with a big bang. What do I want to have happen in the new year? Do you want a dream version or reality.
I suppose I am one of those simple, simplistic people, I should stay with what I know best and let a small granule of hope enter this post near the end.
As I sit here thinking of what simple things I would like to write about, I could think of very little. Instead, I think I am a bit of a dreamer. Filled with hope mixed with my faith.
I think I will go into the mode of dreamer instead. Let’s go back, way back. Back to when we were young kids. We went out and rode our bikes, made snowmen and snow angels. We went roller-skating, ice-skating. We laughed, we trusted and we cried. Our hearts were worn on our shoulders. What came out of our mouths was innocence.
We moved into our teen years. We tasted love for the first time. We tested our independence. We could be defiant at times, trying to explain our way of thinking. We learned to drive and work for pay. We were slowly being drawn into the realities of our world.
Some married,and experienced parenthood. Others wanted to keep their independence. We learned about things we were not taught through trial and error. We learned about budgeting, credit cards, and heartbreak. Some marriages made it and others failed.
We changed jobs maybe once, maybe several times until we found our comfort as in an old pair of shoes. We learned about routine, and staying up late, working in the workforce and also at home.
As we grow in age we are introduced more and more to illness, death, aches and pains. We learn that we must go on without our parents beside us. We learn what the word void means through first-hand experience. We become familiar with downsizing, grandchildren and tighter budgets.
Along the road to death we open doors that we never want to see shut. For me those doors represent God, writing, costume jewelry, black memorabilia, antique furniture and silence.
These doors I have walked through and tasted remain a part of who I am today. So coming to the conclusion of this I see me. What I have become, who I am. I want to resolve nothing about myself. I don’t want to see myself melt a way as a wasted footprint in the sand. I am not ready to separate myself from this world. I only want to expand my mind and continue to learn until I am no longer breathing. I want to continue to have a heart for others, lend an ear to those who wish to speak, and continue to carry my faith in the new trials and joys awaiting me in 2013.
The part of me that is a dreamer is very much alive in my heart and soul. I dream about the day that I will see God and my parents once again. I dream about a day when all three of my children come together as a union and not be divided. I dream about waking up one day to hear they have found a cure for Parkinson’s Disease. I dream about the day I go to see Al, but this time I am checking him out and bringing him home. I still dream about bumping into the man of my dreams.
It is good to have dreams. Without dreams our soul become stagnant like a dried creek. So I will continue to dream, and try hard to live in the reality of today’s world. I will work very hard at accepting what is to come and keep looking to the skies asking God, is it time yet?