May I Have Your Opinion Please?

Public speaking

When I was asked by the teacher of my water class to read something on book review day I became quite nervous. I thought and thought and went through so many of my postings. I decided in the end on one special piece I had written for Al. I chose this;

I need to know what your thoughts are on this? Do you think it will be appropriate? I talk so much about him in class. Maybe they already sense my feelings about my brother. Please let me know what you think. It would make me feel better.

Yesterday The Mountain, Today The Valley

I am so angry with myself, because I can not get the change to take place from deep within me. I have had prayers. I have many friends, and yet it only takes one moment and my heart is again breaking. I am too much of a softie. My heart expands too big. I am not tough enough around the edges.

The only thing I can say is that today, I walked out of the facility with no tears. My heart was in my shoes, and I came home and played my Time Capsule I made last evening over and over.

I had my water class this morning. I actually laughed and talked much more than I used to. The teacher asked me to bring in a poem that I have written. She wants to read it herself. I pondered on that, since she doesn’t really know me, but she says she wants the honor of reading an upcoming publisher’s work. I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I felt bad for laughing, but I know I will never become what she is suggesting.

I told her I was laughing because I was embarrassed by the nice complement, and thank goodness she believed me. I had a great time exercising and socializing. Next Thursday is when this poem will be read.

I showered and changed and went to see Al. I saw that he was sitting in the new dining room. He was upset. Not at me but at the changes. I think it is so difficult for Al to accept change like the rest of us. It takes him too long to digest, but some of it he did get.

The kitchen staff had scribbled out the breads on his menu and this upset him terribly. So now he had been moved to a different dining room, had his straws taken a way and no breads. That is a big amount of change at once. I convinced staff to let him have the garlic bread as that is his favorite bread, and they agreed.

Al was throwing a temper tantrum over the changes. His tremors were so bad that he knocked over his dining partner’s water-glass. He was crying hysterically, and then started to swear. I explained that if he was not willing to stop eating more than one snack at night, they were going to take something a way. He did understand this. He knew that he was eating more than he should have, but no one was stopping him either.

The nurse then came over and tried to explain about Al’s heart and his weight gain. I even piped in and told him to try to go back to when he was here at home and have just one snack again with his pop at night. The problem is, that by law, the staff can not tell him no on foods.

It is very possible that with the fit he threw he may get the breads back, I don’t know. He would not calm down and so the nurse pushed him back to his room. I stood in the shadows and let the nurse try to talk to him. She looked at me and I tried, but nothing worked. He went on and on about how every one wants him to drink water only.

They want him to starve. He asked the nurse to go a way and the only one he wanted to stay was me, but the nurse looked at me and said,” If he doesn’t settle down, we will be forced to call a Psyche Unit”.

Unfortunately Al heard every word and got even worse, saying no one liked him. Before I knew it I was telling her,” Please don’t do this. I have had Al at these places before and they refuse to treat him because they believe this is mostly due to side effects of Parkinson’s Disease“. She looked at me and said, “Oh I was just kidding”. I thought to myself,just kidding, just kidding! Do you realize that Al has heard every word you have just said! You now say you are kidding and now look at him. He will not settle down and probably will not eat.

She looked at me and said ,” He needs a time-out. I suggest you go on home”. Al and I looked at each other and I told him I would be back Friday, but maybe I will go in tomorrow. I will definitely call later today.

I have always looked at myself as the one solid thing Al can count on. I am getting a little tired of being told to go home. Maybe I can say nothing, maybe I can do nothing, but I can sit there with him, and he will know that he is not alone.


Daily Prompt; Toot Your Horn/ The Daily Post

Who am I?

Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.

When I was a young child, one of the biggest sayings that was repeated to me daily was, you are to be seen and not heard. Now it is the total opposite, speak about yourself.

How does one take something embedded in their mind and turn it around full circle? This is a very difficult task for me. All I have to go on is the numerous comments that I have heard.

I am beginning as a toddler beginning to walk, to accept these comments as truth. Now please do not misunderstand me. It isn’t that I don’t believe what YOU are saying about me. It is ME being able to believe it about myself.

Growing up and realizing that my duty as a female was to get married and have children. Check on this, I completed this task. Did the marriage last? No it did not. My children are still in my life though, as far as I am concerned. LOL I have had many issues with the self accepting the fact that my children do not look at me as they once did. I thought it was a forever fairy tale thing. Kids always wanting to be close to mom, but alas, they grow up and build their own worlds.

I  believe that through my own disappointments and suffering in my own life, I have become who I am today. I can quickly feel another souls pain and searching for someone who cares. I feel like I am very sensitive to others needs. I may not always be able to help in ways that one wishes I could or would, but it doesn’t mean my heart is not there.

The word compassion is;Compassion is the virtue of empathy for the suffering of others. Empathy is something that I have developed and toned. I was not born with it. We are born with sponges waiting to be soaked up with information. We are taught to believe what has been ingrained in our heads.

It is our duty as a human to walk paths of life and find the point of where we fit in and feel comfortable with our own skin. We take a part of our past and mix it with our own maturity and hopefully we have in the end molded a statue of uniqueness and beauty.

It has felt so odd to speak of me in this manner. It is like taking the floor yesterday at the care plan meeting. All eyes were on me as all eyes are searching my words now. With the  help of you and God leading me by the hand, I believe in my place on this earth I carry compassion and empathy. Please do not think I am tooting my own horn. I am definitely not. My mother would say that I am bragging about myself and my father would shake his head and walk a way, but for you my blogging friends, I think you understand exactly what I am saying and where I am coming from.

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

Mama over at has nominated me for this award.sisterhood-award1

Here is what Mama is all about.

Hello, I am Mama Miyuki , I am a mother of a two years old baby who is  very passionate about food  and eating out, and this is what this blog is all  I will focus on Indonesian cuisine and favorite international dishes flourishing in Indonesia.

Knowing where to get the best food available and to be able to serve good food to people was serious business for my parents. It is an important part of entertaining families who are dearest to you, and to keep your business partners happy. Every week we would check out restaurants or order to taste and make a list of their specialties and pricing. This habits stayed with me as I enjoy doing it.

I got inspired in writing this blog while doing my TOEFL test. In one of the examination, there was a paragraph saying that  “ the demand for Indonesian food in America was growing but currently there are still very few available restaurants serving it.” ..I said to myself  “Really???” So, during the whole examinations I had all these wild ideas on my mind. The next days I would just cook food, serve it like  it would be served in a restaurant and post it in Facebook without attaching the recipes. I wanted to check the responses from my friends and extended friends. This has been almost for two years that I did it..and now all I hear from them is cook book…cook book!  -Thanks for kicking my ass to do this-

Don’t worry, I never studied hotelier so I will not give you complicated recipes. I call this easy pantsy because it seems so effortless yet it is so tasty. The recipes you will find are recipes from my mom, my moms friends, my friends, cook books and internet, of course! In most of the cases, I adjust the ingredients to my taste and try to find the easiest ways to prepare them.

Here are the rules for the award:

1. Provide a link and thank the blogger who nominated you for this award.
2. Answer 10 questions.
3. Nominate 10-12 blogs that you find a joy to read.
4. Provide links to these nominated blogs and kindly let the recipients know that they have been nominated.
5. Include the award logo within your blog post

I am going to pass on the questions as I swear there is nothing more to say about me. LOL

I do want to thank-you Mama for this award.

Nominees are;

Amy@afternoonpopcornsnack x

ilovecats x


Beyond Back Creek