Daily Prompt; Apply Yourself/ The Daily Post

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Daily Prompt: Apply Yourself

by Michelle w. on January 19, 2013

Describe your last attempt to learn something that did not come easily to you.

Accepting was my last attempt to learn but it still has not come. I guess I have always been a dreamer. I think I have always been filled with the hope of tomorrow.

Too much pain, too little time, and too tired. This is how I feel today. I am exhausted.

Some of us, especially me, believe that no matter what is thrown in our path, we can fix it. If we can not fix it we can work around it.

Actually my friends, today was or is not  the perfect day to be writing about this prompt. I actually laughed at it when I saw the title. I may feel entirely different tomorrow, but today I feel nothing more than a cat stretched out on the bed taking a nap.

The first sign I had, was I woke up in pain. Not physical, emotional. I had dream after dream last night about my family and my brother. It was emotional enough, that I didn’t jump up and make the coffee. Instead I went back to bed.

They say it is bad to go to sleep pondering on the problems in your life. I guess there is truth in this as I once again dreamed. Waking up the next time, I felt like I had been drug through the mud. This made my emotions even more intense.

The mud puddles that I keep stepping in instead of over are damaging my soul. I can not help myself. Believe me I have tried. I have plastered the smile on my face. I made the coffee. I have prayed over and over for me to see people in the right lighting.  I have played my favorite tunes, but I am still tired.

Tired of trying to believe that my family is  here. Tired of being alone. Tired of the silence. Tired of being ignored. It hurts so darn bad when you reach out to a loved one and all you get in return is silence.

It hurts so much when I see the changes going on in my life with my brother. My voice is scratchy from trying to explain to others what I stand for, what I believe and no one listens. You listen, don’t get me wrong, I know that I am blessed with the biggest support group here on WordPress. When I step a way from the computer and I have nothing else to say, I will once again see the hard truth of where I fit in.

I do not keep a journal but I am very aware of life that is around me. I am so sorry my friends. I am sorry for dumping on you. I am not being an inspiration to anyone today. I am not going to see Al today. I can’t take it, maybe I am a coward, I don’t know. I don’t want any added problems just for today.

Hopefully I will snap out of this and come flying back with some witty thing to say later. For now, I am going back to bed.

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