I Lost A Friend


Heart of Jesus

I was so distraught today when I received an email notification from a friend that I used to speak to several times a day here at WP. It was her husband informing me that Sara had taken her life.

My heart broke in to many shattered pieces. I could hear them breaking into tiny puzzles as they hit the floor. My heart went out to the husband as I was reading this short to the point post.

Why? Why did this happen? Although, I am the last one to understand what was actually going on inside her head, I hoped with all my might, that I may at least bring some comfort to her at the point in time of her need.

What allows us to believe that our life is so worthless that the only choice we see in front of us is suicide? What right do we have in the eyes of God to take our own life? I am speaking as a Christian woman here. Some of you may agree and others may not. This is alright. It will not destroy in any way the feelings I carry about you my friend.

I, myself have been so sad for the past few months. There is a light layer of my soul that can understand a person believing there is no way out. Sara blogged and clung to us bloggers just as I do. None of us are guaranteed an easy life. The road we walk until death comes to take us is filled with rocks to climb over and plenty of dips to sink in.

The dips that we fall into are when I try even harder to look towards Jesus Christ. He is the only way to keep from drowning into the pit of death. I believe God wants us to lean heavily on him. He reaches both arms out and we are to take a hold of each one and let him lift us up.

Some of us in this world do not believe in God. Others question if there is even a God out there. I have found over and over that when the dip we fall into is too deep, God reaches his hands farther down and with one request of help me Lord, he will save us.

It breaks my heart for Sara. She and I spoke often about God. She wasn’t sure. She questioned his existence. But, the important thing was she was thinking about it. She was reading the verses. She was searching the word. I don’t know where her mind was at the time she took her life, but I hope that she now has peace and is in God’s hands.

I love you Sara, and I will miss you greatly.

85 thoughts on “I Lost A Friend

  1. The suicide of a friend or family member is awful. Those of us who are left have a hard time understanding and dealing. But I’m not sure we can assume that God opposes it. It’s pretty likely, though, that God understands her pain and her choice. We may judge negatively, but God judges lovingly.

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    • I can’t not begin to know what goes on inside of a suicidal person’s thoughts. When I am down I turn to god and you bloggers or sleep . My heart goes out to her family also. thank you Stephen

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  2. You know I do not share you religious views but I do share you pain at Sara’s passing, None of us can really understand what was going through her head in those final hours, days weeks or even months, but we do know that she had fought her demons for so long and fought so hard for me she did not take her own life, those who abused her took her life as surely as if they had held a knife to her throat or poured pills down it. It is the effects of their actions which led to her problems and ultimately some of her choices, some people can recover from that type of horrific abuse others sadly cannot my thought and prayers go to her husband of course but also her son who will never know his mum

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    • I know that you are hurting as much as me Paula. We both shall miss her. She did suffer so much. More then anyone should ever have to go through. Is she was not taken advantage of she would still be here. you are so right about this. I hope I never run into the ones that hurt her so bad for so long. Hugs to you my friend as we weep together for her loss

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  3. In the year 2000, six days into the new millennium, my girlfriend’s husband took his life. His wife never recovered from that tragic event and for us friends has not been easy to forget it. I am sorry for your loss.

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  4. So sorry for the loss of your friend, Terry. As the sister of a suicide, I know how hard it is. God bless all who feel this loss.

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  5. Love , hugs and prayers, for you and Sara’s family and friends, Terry. As one who tried to take my own life, this always hits me hard, whenever it happens. God bless you and the difference you are making in our lives.

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  6. Pingback: The Final Post for Sara. (Trigger Warning) « Deenakdrowaln

  7. This is such a tragedy. Suicide is always tragic and Sara’s story is no different. My heart goes out to all who knew her, who must surely now be beating themselves up with all the questions of why and how did they not know anything etc. Nobody knows what goes on inside someone’s mind when they make that decision to end it all. Even someone who has been there can’t tell you what goes on in someone else’s mind. It is something between them and God. And as Mona said above, God judges lovingly and she wouldn’t have gone through this alone.

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    • thank you so much Ivonne for this comment. I am very happy that you chose to live. How else would I have met you………For Sara, she didn’t see any other choice. I will miss her terribly

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  8. The word of God says that man looks at the outward appearance but God judges the heart. Our job is to love the person and the faults, shortcomings, struggles etc. have nothing to do with it! I choose to love because God is love and he dwells in me and it’s the only thing I want to do… Love! The post was touching painful and sad to know that so many people are hurting so bad.

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  9. I’m so sad to read this, Terri. Condolences to you and her family and friends. It is very hard to understand why someone should feel compelled to do such a thing, and so awful for those left behind to deal with. Hugs to you.

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    • that is how I feel too. but you and I have not been in that frame of mind. all I know is the hopeless feeling had to be so much more powerful than life. I wish for her peace now. Thank you

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  10. i am sorry for your loss. no one knows what lies in the heart of hearts, often people need something more tangible than god. they may need someone to take action to intervene. suicide is so difficult on those left behind, all those questions and no answers.

    if friendship could have saved her then i am sure she would still be with us.

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    • She lived a terrible life full of pain and she fought so hard. no matter what she did or didn’t believe in it is so heart breaking that her fight came to an end. I wish her peace and I will miss her so much. hugs

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  11. Hey terry, I read the re-blog post you did about Sara. What a sad ending for someone who stopped believing in herself. i feel like crying as part of her life reminds me of my own. I understand what it feels like to not be able to go on and my heart breaks for what she was going through at the very end! I hug you and tell you I’m sorry. WordPress has helped me get my life back on track and be happy again. It’s people like yourself that help heal others with out you even realizing. Hugs to you, Terry! Paula xxxx

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    • bless your heart Paula. If I help anyone it is because God helps me to do this. I feel so bad for Sara also. She fought very hard but got tired. I hope she has peace now. thank you so much for being who you are

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  12. I know Sara. I read her blog. Though, I wasn’t close. I liked her blog. I am sorry for the loss. Hope you are strong to bear this pain. God wants us to be strong and move forward in times of trouble. So do you and me is to share the word of his holiness. God wants us to rely on him no matter what. So I am sure Sara is doing fine. As she is in better hands. All we can do is to pray for her. So may her soul rest in peace. Hugs. Peace.

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  13. I am so sorry to hear this news 😦 It is never easy losing ones we love and care for even if it is just a friendship through a computer and or phone. I will say it is never easy losing one in this way either. I will share that this is how I lost my father when I was just 15. Now he was a sick man I can and do know this. He always blamed himself for myself being sick. I have epilepsy. So did he. He always had heart pain from thinking he made his little girl sick. My parents were divorced when I was young. I don’t even remember it just that my dad always loved my mom. But my father was no angel either. He loved going out having fun and he was a flirt. Many bar fights he had over other women. Furthermore, he had gotten into another marriage and had another child my lil brother. That marriage failed as well. He fought to see us and when he did he was sick and had to have our aunt bring us home. I can imagine how hard this was on him. I was told he was denied the help he needed and deserved by our so called medical proffessionals. So this in turn made him even more ill. He fought to keep jobs and slept on friends couches just trying to scrape by. All the while this is what I had to tell myself as to why he was never around. I defended my dad to the hilt when everyone else wanted me to hate him. I remember the last time I seen him he came to see me and brought me cherries from the cherry festival. Told me he loved me. I was always one who had trouble saying I love you back when I was a child do not know why. I never told him I did. I was going into my freshman year in highschool. My first day of school as a freshman my mom had rushed home keeping us from getting on the bus to tell us he had taken his life. He felt we were all better off without him. He had been really sick. He felt like a burdon to us. I had a really hard time with his passing. But I try to remember the good times I did have with him. People tell me he is in hell as they say that is what the bible says. I do believe in God but I can not bring myself to believe that he was not forgiven his sins and I know he is in heaven. I can not think of him in hell he was a good man who would do anything for anyone whenever they needed help. Sometimes people are sick and need help and if they reach out and that reach is not returned it can feel like the end. I am so sorry for your loss sweety. It does hurt and sometimes we just can not figure it out. But I feel we are not meant to. What is is what is. We are not meant to question it just remember what a wonderful person she was and pray for her and her family. Keep her within your heart and she will never be totally gone. Remember her the way you do. Suicide is never easy nor is losing anyone in a natural way either. Their memory will stay alive as long as we take them with us. Talk about them laugh about memories or conversations we had with them love them and share their lives with others. Again I am sorry for your loss sweety. The pain never goes away but I can say it does become more dull as time passes. Your not alone.

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    • Thank you. I am sorry for what you have lost also. I remember Sara as a woman who had a great sense of humor and she loved her child. I know that she carried so much weight on her shoulders. I know that I tried but it wasn’t enough. I will always remember her and never forget how hard she fought. I hope that you are alright today and live with wonderful memories. It is this that I try to carry through out my own life. No one knows what is going in the mind. Most of us really don’t express very well what is eating at our soul. We don’t want to be a bother or bring some one else down. Big hugs to you my friend and thank you for the heart felt comment

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  14. I can’t explain the sadness in my heart right now. I’m so sorry for your lose… it’s such a shame when a fellow believer takes their own life. I also don’t understand how a believer can do that, I just hope that whatever heaviness was in her heart is gone now and that she’s in God’s arms 🙂 Sara’s family and friends are in my prayers

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    • She fought many demons all of her life and got too tired. I also don’t understand how some one can take their own life, but I have never walked their shoes. She was getting close to wanting to believe in God but only she and God know if it happened. I hope she is peaceful now and I pray that God is by her side. I will miss her

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  15. I did not know Sara or her story, but I feel for the family. I believe the Lord takes into consideration the fact that when someone is in that state of mind they are really not responsible for what they are doing. They are so distraught that they cannot think right. And it only takes a split second for someone to call on His name. My pastor’s wife recently made a comment that she thinks the Lord may give people a very last-minute chance as they are dying, and if they choose Him, they will be with Him in heaven. I sincerely hope this is what happened with Sara. I am praying for the family, that they will experience God’s comfort and reach out to Him for healing.

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    • She lived a terrible life and was never allowed to be a child. She fought so hard. I even had her thinking about God, but I do believe also that in the last moments you can go to the Lord and be with him. It doesn’t seem fair to us here on earth that stride to live a godly life, but who are we to judge, is the way I look at it. another soul in heaven instead of hell is what we Christians want………hugs

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  16. I followed another post to Sara’s blog. What she went through, the horror of it … is not something that people will understand. Unless you have been there, spent those sleepless nights with terror and nightmares, no one will get it. I admire her courage for coming out with it. I mourn over her loss of freedom to post what SHE wanted on HER blog. In the end, I understand her decision to take her own life. Sometimes, just having to take that one breath more, or walk that one step further is too much to ask for. And she was fighting a war that most around her will never comprehend. My heart sank the more I read, my prayers will be with her husband and son.

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  17. ‘m so sorry for your lost, Terry. This is terrible, but sometimes people really can’t go on living and they see this as the only solution to leave our planet. Too bad they can’t see how much pain they leave to the people who are still on earth 😦

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  18. Hi, Terry. Thank you for reading and following my blog. I am so sorry about your friend. I remember thinking about suicide when I was a teenager. My world looked so hopeless at that moment, and I questioned why I should go on living. Obviously, I chose to live. I will pray for you, Sara’s husband and family as you struggle with her decision. May God bless your day. Connie

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    • I agree with you Connie. Being a teen is a very hard part of life to go through, but I am so thankful that you found something to live for. I so appreciate your prayers………….they are so powerful. Your blog is very interesting. I like it.

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