Every morning I put on the coffee and splash cold water on my face. Waking up my eyes and brain. Grabbing that fresh cup of java and sitting down in my comfy seat at my computer. This is what I love about waking up.
I am definitely not close to being perfect but for me talking to my friends on here is very important. There are many days the only ones I have conversations with other than myself are you.
Thoughts that twirl as mini tornadoes are no longer allowed to over come my day. I can place them here and set them free. I was concerned about my friend Julie who also blogs on here.
She had a post I read this morning about a friend of hers who is thinking heavily about placing a closed sign on her blog. The reason? bad or hurtful remarks being made by outsiders.
Not outsiders from our lives, but strangers passing through our blogs. I am guilty of this also. Words that I want to write I sometimes hesitate. I do this because I am a coward. Yes a coward of being able to stand up on my two feet. Afraid to let my words flow freely in case they may hurt someone, or maybe they will not understand what I am trying to say.
The last thing I love to do is trying to explain myself. I think when we write, our thoughts are very close to our lips and hearts. They spew out with ease. One of the things that I love to write about is aging people. Why? It is easy. I have worked with this category of humans for so many years.
They have become a part of my life. I tend to dream into the future and see my own person moving through the days. Where will I be? Will I have enough money to support myself? Will I still be alone when I am wrinkled and walking with difficult? Will I still be wanting to carry on conversations with my own head?
Yes I can see this and worse yet I have seen it many times. The elderly is not in a familiar class with younger generations. Whether it is a neighbor or family, we that are younger do not know what to say or how to act when we are in front of someone old or ill.
Then here is Al, his body pained but his mind still young. He is wanting their attention. He wants someone to stop and give him a moment of their time. These moments that I have seen over and over hurt me deeply.
You may or not be surprised at how many residents sit day after day with zero visitors. Family backs a way. I understand they don’t know what to say. It is awkward to see a loved one in a different setting than home.
How difficult is it to walk in and say nothing but a hello. To let the resident know that they are thought of. This I think we can all do. Fifteen minutes of your time out of a 24 hour period.
Between the years of experience caring for elderly, spending hours upon hours with my father and being closely involved with Al is what sets me apart from others. This is me, these patients have formed who I am. They are my future of looking in my own mirror.
When I was younger I had heard so many times that when we retire life is golden. Life is filled with travels, new friends and horseshoes and bingo. I agree for the fortunate few this is true. But for the other high percentage this is only a dream.
Broken hips cancers, loss of spouses can wipe out those dreams. They can place us in a pit of depression or leave us suddenly alone. It is the blink of the eye that is the dart of life. We can count on change and death but what we can’t guarantee is the quality of life that is measured from old and death.
So even though some may not understand or can’t figure out why a lot of my topics are about missing someone, aging and death, this is why. I will continue to write from my heart and soul, no matter what others say. Until they live through my eyes, feel and touch my heart maybe they will not understand my reasons. What I want most though until my end of life comes is acceptance.
To accept who each of us are is a gift. I want to take this present with me to my grave. I want to die with a smile on my face that shows I was happy, loved and at peace with the world.