Say What?


Mamá

The baby crawled by and then plopped on her little behind. Fingers went in her mouth and nose crinkled. Tears rolled down her chubby little cheeks.

Big brother walked over to see what the commotion was all about. “Oh my gosh, what went on here?” Picking up baby he walked into another room. He leaned into his mama and whispered something in her ear.

Me, being the middle child and usually quiet strained to hear the private words. I could hear nothing. When my mama placed her hands over her mouth, I could also see her eyes pop out like a kid tossing a giant jaw breaker.

Curiosity killed my inner cat and I walked ever so softly near Mama to try to hear better. She saw me out of the corner of her eye and took her hand and held it out just like the lady at the school zone saying stop, you are about to be knocked on your ass for getting too close to the curb.

I backed off with my tail between my legs. I went back to my corner and sat down angry because they thought I was too little to know anything.

Mama picked up baby girl and took her to her bedroom to change her diaper and put her in her bed time clothes. Rubbing some lotion on her pink fuzzy skin she swooned saying,”It’s ok little one. Mama will protect you from the big bad wolf“.

Papa was sitting in the den watching television but soon came out doing something I had never observed. He took out his lighter from the pocket of his jeans and he lit two candles. He walked around the room slowly waving his hands back and forth.

I wondered to myself, Is he losing it? What show was he watching? Better tell Mama that Papa is flipping out.

Each of us played musical chairs, shifting feet trying to get comfortable in an impossible situation. I thought about running out the back door to play but I knew I would get a beating from Papa if I went out after dark.

Looks were  exchanged, coughing from this one or that one. Personally, I wanted to say something but then I knew I would get smacked by Mama for speaking out of line. It was better for me to just stay hidden in my own shadows. It kept my nose clean and my rear pain-free.

The windows began to show signs of sweat. The more this constant action was allowed to go untamed, the more fog began to rise. Windows steamed and if you looked across the room eyes were becoming hazy.

Baby was back on the floor across from the perpetrator. Rubbing her poor little eyes as if she was so sleepy.

A knock came at the front door and when the oldest son opened it words spilled over,” Is everything alright over here? You all have a fire or something?”

“Yes mam everything is alright. Just the remains from supper lingering. Mama had a real good meal. Been cooking all day. Steamed up all the windows.”

“Alright then. I just had to check”. the lady looked a little odd at the kid as if he had a big zit on his nose plus a bad buger hanging out the nose. I slammed the door and went back to my spot I had claimed as my own.

Mama and Papa came in together and now they were both spraying cans of air freshener. They were waving their hands in tune to some old foggie music I knew I had never heard before.

Us kids just looked at each other. Baby girl was still rubbing her blue eyes. Tears were starting to fall once again. Mama went over and picked her up rocking her in her arms and finally couldn’t take it anymore.

“Good gosh Grandpa. Can’t you take that outside?”

Grandpa looked at her lips moving and cupped his hand around his ear. “What did you say Missy? I can’t quite make out what you are saying?”

The room became silent and all ears tipped to the direction of Mama.

Mama cleared her voice and sucked in her breath and yelled, “Grandpa, can’t you just go out side to relieve yourself? You’re putting off an odor worse than any dead skunk”.

Grandpa started laughing, his belly beginning to shake,” Is that why everyone is acting stir crazy? Is my passing gas too strong for you? Maybe you shouldn’t have cooked that meal so well. You know I can’t stay a way from those ham hocks and beans.”

Mama started to laugh along with him ” Well I hope you enjoyed it, because it is your last night of beans. I will never make them again. You even have the baby here crying from the fumes. Poor baby’s nostril hairs are plum burnt up”.

Grandpa huffed his way out of his favorite chair and walked over to Mama. I saw her back up a few steps not wanting to get too close. Grandpa neared the baby’s head and planted a loving kiss on it. ” Sorry kiddo. Blame it on your Mama”.

He turned and then walked towards the stair case. He got on the second step and stood frozen for a moment. He turned back towards the family. The kids had taken off for other rooms. The baby began to whimper, and Papa got out his lighter again. Mama put the baby to bed.

 

 

Daily Prompt; Perspective/ The Daily Post


Do You Really Want to Hurt Me

http://dailypost.wordpress.com

Daily Post

Dp

Write about the last disagreement you had with a friend or family member — from their perspective.

I don’t know about you but the only people I disagree with and try so very hard not to get into arguments are with my children. Isn’t is a sad thing? I hear that families disagree more than any other unit out there.

My kids they really love me and they are not afraid to voice their thoughts when they see me heading towards murky waters. I realize that they know me pretty darn well. I understand that they want the best for me. I have even heard them tell me they want me to be happy.

It is actually the best thing about having children in my eyes. They may not come visit near enough in my book of rules. But they are the cat’s meow in my life. Showing me unconditional love.

I absolutely hate it when we tar and feather each other. Like chickens we peck at each other trying to sway us that they are right and I am wrong. Our beaks hurt each other and leave small scars beneath the surface.

I get both sides. They are the children wanting the best and I am the mom. I have made it all through my life with the only boss that really made me listen were my parents. I have gone through marriages and divorces and am still standing.

I have dealt with so much crap with my brother that I should only be found by using a fork lift and sifting through the manure. So it only makes sense that my children realize my  pain and  grief. They want to take care of me from a distance so to say.

They don’t live with me. They do not see what my eyes do. Nor do they hear what I hear. None the less it is awesome to know that they love me enough to throw their two cents in. If they ever quit doing this I will be worried for sure. Silence can mean lack of caring.

I just wish the poisoned darts were not tossed at each other. We are all sharp shooters never missing the target. We each know exactly where to throw those darts that will cause the biggest pain. They aren’t really trying to hurt me. They are trying to do what they can to wake me up to what they are trying to express.

Being a mother is not just giving birth. It is to include changing dirty diapers, pacing the nights trying to calm a crying baby. Feeding and doctor’s appointments. Educating and nurturing. You have a big party when you watch them walk to receive their diplomas.

In a way that is only the first couple of stages of having a child. When they are grown and move out of the nest they still need you. It is just in different ways. They need and have the right to know that parents still love them. Realizing that we would lay our lives down for them in order not to have them hurt as we were.

But in the end after all the love is shown and tears are shed together, the ultimate hurt is the disagreements. But we have to go through these moments in order to keep growing in our love for each other. I love ya kids!!!!!!!

More Changes


Golden Girl

I didn’t know whether to go hide in a corner of my room or write to my friends on here. I have tears in my eyes as I have found out the truths that I have been searching for.

I look outside as the snow softly falls and watch it begin to cover the grounds and roads once again. This is what part of me wishes for. Someone cover me with a blanket and bring me comfort.

I would give anything in this world to have my parents back. I would definitely risk the snow storm in order to be in the comfort of their words right now. But alas, I know this will not happen.

I have always believed that God knows all. He works out our problems to our good. I have to cling to this as I have already shredded the ends of the rope hanging right above my reach.

I want to go into the kitchen and find anything and everything to stuff in my mouth; for food blankets me with comfort, but I will not as I realize I will pay the huge price of high sugars later on.

What I learned to be true, and as they say straight from the horse’s mouth is no program is going to allow Al‘s funeral bill to become a legal expense. The wording is wrong on the paper work and there is no way to change it as the originals have already been viewed.

I had already checked into a refund a couple of weeks ago and discovered to my dismay that of all the thousands that have been paid on it will all vanish but one tenth in a refund. This just makes me want to vomit. Not only that and please don’t think of me as hard-shelled but if he passes before me I will then have to pay for another funeral out of my pocket.

This Friday morning I am meeting Al with his driver at our doctor’s office. We will be getting Al an updated physical and also a form which will have all of Al’s diagnosis on it. Then I am to fax this to the correct number.

This in turn will be sent to another department to be approved or denied. What I didn’t know for sure until today is that this is for a waiver that will bring Al back home. He will go to a day program Monday through Friday for eight hours.

The lady working on this case told me that he is eligible and sees no reason why it will not be approved. She says this won’t take long at all. The next step will be Al receiving a case worker and she will then meet with Al and me and they will be checking out our home to see if there are any changes that need to be made for his convenience. I believe these changes are done at their expense.

I won’t mind having Al here because he will be able to go to the day programs. This is something very much he needs. After he comes home then another waiver is introduced and it will be possible that he could move into the group homes if he chooses or if it gets to be too much for me.This waiver is much lengthier and takes quite a bit longer. Either way I know that God is in charge of this whole deal. It will work out. I will have time still for me five days a week and Al will be back here.

What bothers me so bad is that the facility refuses to allow me the funeral home expense. The government sees it as a life insurance policy. I was told I could try to sway the facility to see things from my view to allow the funeral expense each month, but all they could say is we want our money owed to us.

I will never look at nursing homes again with the same eyes. I will never forget them suggesting to me that I sell Al’s personal things out of his room to help pay for his own funeral. First of all he doesn’t have anything of funeral expense value. I will never forget them telling me they don’t have time to chat with him.

I would rather have him  here where I know I love him and he will get better care than he received there. Yes I will be involved again. Yes there is a chance he can go to the group homes eventually, but for now, I refuse to see my brother slip into a deeper depression. For now I am thankful for the waiver to release him from their greedy and non-caring fingers. For the rest of it? the future for Al and me? I have no choice but to place it in God’s hands. He will never do Al or me wrong. I have to believe and trust that God will help me with Al here at home.

I went back and read some of the posts I had written a few months ago, but for some reasons I am not as afraid and worried. Al is weaker. He can no longer come at me. He walks very little and we won’t be together 24/7. He will have a life of his own and he won’t be treated bad nor shunned.

The tears flowing from me now and the urge to vomit come from the heartless people who won’t show any compassion for another human soul. I will not beat myself up for the what I have done’s, but I refuse to keep making the same error over and over.

As Rose would say on the Golden Girls, this facility can all go to He double hockey sticks!!

My one friends uses a common phrase that comes to my mind right now. God is good, God loves me, and life is what it is.

Oh and by the way friends, I prayed so many times for God to save the big snow until after I went to this important meeting for Al. I don’t know if you prayed also but thanks if you did. I know there is a God, I don’t have to see his face, I can see him at work. God held on to those big snow flakes. All there were was snow flakes gently falling. The streets were clear and I was able to go to the meeting and come home. About fifteen minutes after  I returned  home  God let loose of those flakes and now it is snowing like crazy. All the roads are snow-covered and so is my car. Thank-you Jesus for answering my prayer and watching over me and  Al. I praise your name and sing hallelujah!