Guess what? My furniture got moved today! I am so happy. Now it is down to the knickknacks sitting all over the living room. I have Al‘s wall hangings done and I have stuffed his closet with extras. My bed is made but I will be sleeping in the living room tonight. My television needs a box now that it is moved.
A technician will be here tomorrow morning. I can’t sleep without my fan and television. Especially in a strange bedroom. I went out this evening and bought a ceiling fan for Al’s new room. He likes to have a fan blowing on him as he sweats so bad.
I also wanted to tell you that I listened to your advice and called a meeting for tomorrow with the Director of Social Services, her assistant and head of Nursing. We will have a nice little chat. I will be explaining Parkinson’s to them and giving a more in-depth description of mentally challenged people. This should all be very interesting. Yes?
I am more upbeat tonight than I have been for a while. The hopes of Al coming home is nearing. I haven’t had the final approval but was told he is eligible. From what I understand he basically needs a level of care determined. Then a case worker will be assigned for him.
Case worker sounds so government to my ears. I hope this is a good thing. She is to be there for him and sort of rock for me also with questions and decisions.
I have been a busy little beaver today and am tired. I couldn’t rest until I told you all about today and the meeting tomorrow.
Al lives within his own world. He doesn’t look outside his mind very often. Trying this in the past caused too much confusion and break downs. It is much safer to stay within his own realms.
Many have claimed to know the answers. Hooking up machines, filling out forms, spending mega dollars for yet more unknown answers. Stirring the embers within the soul causing fires to erupt. Bringing more anguish from that point on.
Abuse of the tongue remains locked with inside the walls. Struggling to bring them to the surface and release to the open skies is very hard work. Counselor’s in abundance working their magic wands. They are sure they have the fix. The problem still remains within the egg-shell. This has been cracked before. Now leaving bits and pieces of runny memories to slip through the cracks. The ability to not handle this causes more grief and fear than before.
Why should Al be forced to endure this agony time and time again? Can’t we all pretend that we really don’t know the deep answers to each soul that walks this earth? Is it wrong to just let things rest?
Must we all fit into one carton of eggs? If we accept the fact that eggs come in many shapes and colors, then is it alright to accept that everyone does not fit under one umbrella? Is there anything wrong with admitting defeat?
I want to see peace remain in the days left to breathe on this earth. Others disagree with my too common words. We must push, push and push more to make him whole again are their words.
What if Al can never be what we consider normal? What if the best we are ever going to see was in the yesterdays. When is it time to release this special-needs bird and let it rest in its own nest?
Some say you are causing mountains out of mole hills Al. Others believe you want attention. Maybe you do, I do not know for sure. I certainly can understand if this is the case. You were the one tormented your entire life. How would I react myself if the shoe were placed on the other foot?
I am tired folks. I am tired of beating my head against the cement wall. The only thing it does is make me more tired. Frustration kicks me in the ribs and I fall to my bed crying. Your eyes of pleading remain to haunt me at night. I can see you are whispering to me, please make them leave me alone. I have enough to do to handle my every day routine.
I am tired, so very tired. There are parts of me that want to race into Al’s room and scoop him up in my arms and head for the solitude of the mountains. To lift Al up on the highest peak. Raise him into God‘s warm hands.
I pray many times each day for peace to fill you up dear brother. It has become such a challenge I am almost beat down to the ground. I don’t know if it is the sister in me. Or maybe it is my relationship with the heavenly Father. Or maybe it is all the pressures that surrounds you to be more like them. I look into the heavens as I sit here writing. I pray out loud to God,Lord you know my heart. You also know Al much better than even I do. Show me God how to handle this delicate soul walking this side of earth. Let me be strong when I need to be. Let me feel compassion and give me the understanding my dear Father to see Al’s side that he lives in. Amen