Walking The Boardwalk


I am sitting here wishing it were Spring. Wishing I could shove those windows up and let in the fresh air. Hoping I could get out and take a walk.

 

As I sit here I am looking down at my shoes I am wearing. I have taken to wearing shoes this past week. They seem to help my injured feet. Having Diabetic Neuropathy in your feet is a terrible thing. I can’t walk long. I wish that I did not live here after all in Indiana.

 

My kids are here but other than that, my feet hate the cold weather. My feet sense the cold floor and become burning torches. I am such a barefoot or sock and slipper woman who shoes are definitely not in my comfort zone as of yet.

 

When I was gazing at my shoes I went back in time. Back to when I first became divorced from my last husband. Anyone that wanted a divorce as much as I did will understand this next part.

 

The first morning I awoke alone in my own place, I was up and showered and dressed by 5am. I left my home when I wished and went straight to the grocery store. I found so much delight in buying my very own groceries. I loved putting them a way in my very own cupboards.

 

Soon after I was easily adjusted to my living arrangements I discovered there was a boardwalk within walking distance of my home. I was out of shape and the only shoes I had to wear were my nursing shoes.

 

I didn’t want to wear something that was worn and white so I went to a store and bought my very own pair of walking shoes. This was five and a half years ago. I still have them and still wear them. I don’t wear shoes out too quickly.

 

English: River Brant Footbridge Walking in a w...

 

I purchased my first headphones and CD player. My special friend, my camera, and headphones and my new shoes took off for a new chapter in my life. I loved it. It was freedom. A peaceful freedom where I was not intimidated by yelling or hitting.

 

Birds are what I heard. Squirrels darting from branch to branch. Greenery so lush I could get lost in it. At first I walked a mile in total. Within no time at all I moved up to five miles a day. I loved getting off of work and heading for the trail. It was my sanctuary, my heaven, my haven.

 

I kept up this routine for a few months. It was cut short by my Dad finding out he had Cancer. From that moment forth life has been a whirl wind of adventure. I took him to doctor appointments, gave him shots and medications. I listened to him. I kept him company. I part of me died when he did. I have never found that part that died. I think it was buried with him on that painful day.

 

Within a week later I was caring for Al, my brother. As you know this continues even today. I look at my shoes and I can smile. God knew I needed a bit of respite care. He knew that I would be in for the ride of my life. He allowed me to get in touch with myself and taste another side of me.

 

Today life is quiet yet hectic at times. There are days I cry out to my friends when I am  hurting. There are days when I do smile. There are even more days I go back in time and remember the wonderful times my new shoes, camera, and headphones spent hours in the woods walking the Boardwalk.

 

 

 

18 thoughts on “Walking The Boardwalk

  1. Can’t wait until Spring really arrives.. I’m a Summer person, late Spring and early Fall are ok, but rather just have warm weather for walk and outdoor activities…… Nice write.

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    • I know that you understand my post then. I will never forget those first groceries or shoes or headset, just as much as you won’t forget your teakettle. it is a freedom that I have never felt since

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  2. Oh Terry what a beautiful memory…sounds to me as though ou were on your way to healing yourself and grieving over your divorce when life (your Dad) stepped in, you feel that loss so deeply and can’t fill the hole (you never will fill all of it or any part of it) for you have had no time to grieve for your divorce or your father Both are major losses, no matter how much you wanted the divorce and sounds as if for good reason it is stil a loss and you must grieve it out to heal. I pray you find that healing my friend you are so special and talented and have such a pure trusting heart and faith I know God cares for you and loves you deeply. Love and hugs my dear one (((xx)))

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    • I often think I have never grieved my father’s death with going from a burial straight to caring for Al. The divorce…………seems like a dream that I woke up from and never finalized it in my mind. God has better things for me to do than dwell on myself I guess. thanks so much for a great and touching comment!!!! hugs

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