Daily Archives: April 1, 2013

Let My Mind Forget Just For Today

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Little Red Riding Hood (1922 film)

Little Red Riding Hood (1922 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For this moment let me be Peter Pan

Or maybe even Cinderella

For today let me be Sleeping Beauty

Let my mind forget  just for today.

For now let me be Snow White

Or maybe the Golden Goose

Let me be other than who I am

Let my mind forget  just for today.

If you don’t like these maybe you can vision

Me as Goldilocks from the three bears

Or Little Red Riding Hood

Let my mind forget  just for today.

I could be the Pied Piper and I could dance

Or maybe one of the Three Little Pigs

I just don’t want to remember now

Let my mind forget just for today.

A dancing Gingerbread Man

Or maybe Thumbelina

How about the Little Mermaid

Let my mind forget just for today.

Terry Shepherd

04/01/2013

 

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Mixed Emotions

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Easter Day, a sunny, warm and a day of new hope. Easter bunnies, family gatherings and candle3plenty of food. This is what I see. Although in reality it isn’t always that way. Some go to Sunrise services and others don’t. Some celebrate with families and others are alone. Today it is not uncommon to have to work versus family time.

Some are all about the candy and others look out their front windows remembering the past holidays. I had a mixture this year. I had one of my children here with their kids. We had an Easter supper. I had my brother Al here. There was also plenty of chocolate and candies spread out through the house. Eggs to hide and find.

Plenty of laughter with stress and tears added in were parts of my day also. I took photos of the grandchildren finding the eggs. I did not take any photos of Al this holiday out of respect for his pain.

When I went to the facility to pick up Al he was asleep at the dining room table. I woke him up but I didn’t get a smile. Taking him back to his room to get his coat on the nurse stopped me and we talked while Al was using the restroom.

She told me “Al had a very bad night. He was up several times with stomach and side pains. He woke up again at 4:30am crying. He had a bad dream.”

Al’s dream was told to me by the nurse and it was short and simple. Al had told her,”This is my last Easter with my sister. God came to me in a dream and said I am now going to go home very soon. I will never see my sister again.”

I should add here that Al suffers from pains in his ribs and stomach from the new tremors in his chest wall muscles. I didn’t ask but I hope that which ever nurse was on duty that she consoled him as I would here at home.

When I first brought Al into the house he spoke non-stop to my son. He grinned many times at the grandchildren. This lasted about a half an hour and then it vanished quickly. I never saw it again.

I saw him looking at the cartoons with the kids and then doze.Through out the day if no one was speaking to Al he was dozing. He wanted to take a nap but from the moment of this request the legs no longer helped. Parkinson’s Disease had taken over his legs and arms. He couldn’t stand from his wheelchair. He couldn’t take one step.

It was very difficult to get him to my bed. Because he is not home yet I do not have a bed for him in his own room. I will be getting a hospital bed when I know when he is coming. If I could afford one or find one cheap or free I would have it now. Medicare won’t help as long as he isn’t here, so I have to wait for a miracle.

It took some time and work to get him to my bedroom but I did it. When he woke from his nap his body movement was worse than before. It took two of us to get him in his wheelchair.

I know what you are thinking right now because I have thought the same thing. But, things will be different when and if he comes home. His bedroom is an easy reach where mine is not. He will have his hospital bed and I will have help most of the time.

He didn’t smile anymore. He was lifeless in his seat. He didn’t eat much at supper. I finally convinced him to have some ice-cream but he turned down the other desserts. I felt so bad for him. He was tired from lack of sleep the night before. He was in pain from the new tremors in his chest cavity.

I am saddened by the news that his time is likely shortened. I have been told he may have six months to a year. The terrible Parkinson’s has now damaged his eyes, his heart and has now invaded the muscle lining the chest walls. His heart is going on triple speed. He is exhausted and I am standing here doing absolutely nothing.

I don’t know how to help. All I can do is keep being here for him and loving him. I am waiting on a call from the Heart Doctor as I write. I don’t know what is going to happen when she calls but the hospital said I had to notify his heart doctor within three days. I had to wait for the weekend to pass and did make the call this morning.

Yesterday before Al and the kids came over I was wishing for a good day for all. I watched outside my house as black birds or crows circled around the property. I wondered if they felt lost like I do.

So the day was Easter and I have my precious memories. Along for the ride was some laughter and some tears. It was a real day of mixed emotions.

austin and caiden egg huntcaiden and austin egg huntegg hunt 6egg hunt 7

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Best Moment Award

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Mike over at,http://mikesfilmtalk.com; has nominated me for the Best Moment Award.Best-Moment-Award

This award makes me feel all warm and cuddly inside. It is a real honor to receive this. Someone, somewhere has read one of my post and now I know that it gave them a “Best Moment” for that time.

I don’t know which post I wrote that gave him the ah-hah moment, but I found my nomination on my post called, https://terry1954.wordpress.com/2013/03/31/happy-easter/#comment-30763

Thank-you so much Mike. I really do appreciate this.

Rules:

Winners repost this completely with their acceptance speech. This speech may be written or video taped (vlogged)

Winners have the privilege of awarding the next recipients. The re-post should have a new set of people/blogs that are worthy of this award and then you have to tell the new folks that you’ve chosen.

When I started blogging I never knew that there would be a day when I would receive an award. In fact, I hesitated about blogging because I didn’t think anyone would like what I wrote.

I can still remember it so clear. I had prayed for months for something to do that would not only help me, but to help others. I prayed to feel worthy while caring for my brother since my outside world was pretty narrow at the time.

God whispered to me for a few days before I wrote that first word. He is an amazing God. He knew that I needed to do this. My lack of being out in public where other humans walked was replaced by hundreds of good friends. Not just any friends, but friends who had heart and compassion and didn’t judge me.

My writing has helped to heal me. I have been able to speak of things from my past and learn to accept what we wish never happened. I have been guided by many in the right direction when it comes to my brother.  I feel like I have a host of angels watching over me and praying for Al and myself.

I get shivers even now as I sit here and think of the miracles I have received over the past year. What a blessing all of you have been in my life. Thank- you to each and every one .

Please accept fwf-gratitudeone of these beautiful roses as I call your name to step forth and accept your nomination.

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