Bedtime Thoughts


Dusk

I couldn’t go to sleep my brother

Until I spoke with the only other

One who is watching over you

The one who watches all you do

Who sees your pain and your tears

That fall and you do know I’m here

For you for dear brother I love you so

I try so hard so I can show

You that you are never alone

My light is here and it has shone

For your eyes to see

Love flowing from me

Before I close my eyes tonight

Please look above and see my light

For my heart is holding yours do dear

Please close your eyes and do not fear

I will be with you again we will sit and eat

I will help you in and out of your seat

I will wipe your eyes with a gentle hand

I will always listen even though I don’t understand

I promise you as I lay my head down to rest

You are my brother and you are the best

Please dear God watch over him tonight for me………………………….

Terry Shepherd

04/10/2013

Daily Prompt; Imperfection


Sistine Chapel ceiling, Michelangelo, The Liby...

Sistine Chapel ceiling, Michelangelo

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/   DP, Daily Prompt

Imperfections — in things, in people, in places — add character to life. Tell us about an imperfection that you cherish.

 

I used to be ashamed of myself because I was not the life of the party. I do admit that I used to laugh and giggle a lot more, but things change about yourself as you move through the months and years.

Now thanks to writing I have learned to accept my imperfection which is nothing other than Weird. What is the definition of weird?

fantastic; bizarre: a weird get-up.

Archaic. concerned with or controlling fate or destiny.
I think that writers and artists such as Michelangelo are thinkers more than doers. Our brains are not following the patterns of others. We day-dream, we think about our future.
Instead of thinking about what is for supper we may be wondering why people take so much advantage of the elderly or even the disabled as I wrote about earlier today in Reverse Mortgage.
I can remember when my Dad died and Al was on  his own for a short while. I was shocked at the credit cards he had in his wallet. I knew he could not handle them at all. He has never understood the full capacity of money.
He was in debt too. He owed great amounts on these cards. I would call the companies and explain his mental challenge and disabilities, but they didn’t give a hoot. He owed, he applied for the card, so tough.
All Al had to do is get the mail. There were tons of junk mail advertising of course, for credit cards. Al would fill out the basic information and send it in. Yippee, they would send him a card.
I tried talking to the mail delivery system to stop sending junk mail in his name but they didn’t cooperate with me either. For quite a while I spent time teaching money management with him but it didn’t work. I had to end up paying off all his cards.
There are times when I wish my brain thought for the moment I live in. Oh what fun I could be having not thinking farther ahead. I could go out and date anyone I wanted to. Why worry about getting a disease or being dumped, I was having fun for the minute.
I dream about starting groups to help teach others. I see the lack of this or that in our society and dream about fixing it. Believe it or not I have pictured myself as a famous pianist or singer. I am a dreamer and I like to control my future. I like to control my fate.
So I am a little bizarre I guess and a little not normal. I think too much. I wonder what it would be like to not be a thinker. Would I be able to write like I do? Probably not, I would probably be telling you something silly about nothing.
Being weird has made me unique. I am not just a caregiver but a helper in my own small way. I sort of like being the wall flower. I don’t have to have my phone ringing off the hook. I just need it to ring sometimes.
I don’t have to be the bell of the ball. I may just pick up a beach ball and try to figure out how they got it so perfectly round and wonder what the machine looks like that made it.  Then after I toss it around for a while I may go to the beach with it and give it to some kids. Then I would pull out my camera and take photos of these kids running and laughing chasing it around the park.
I would take notice of the lonely lady sitting by herself and I would wander over to her and sit next to her and start a conversation. I most likely would take some photos of wildlife and the delicate petals starting to bloom on the flowers.
Yeah, I like not being normal or maybe even a little weird.

Keeping the Secret


Micrograph of an artery that supplies the hear...

Micrograph of an artery that supplies the heart with significant atherosclerosis and marked luminal narrowing. Tissue has been stained using Masson’s trichrome.

I don’t plan on being here tomorrow for a while so I went to see Al today. He was sleeping when I arrived. I woke him up and he waved and I saw a half a smile. He sat up and began to tell me about last night.

He said it was real hard to eat because he didn’t feel good but he made himself eat. From 8p to 12a he said he felt funny. He seemed pretty good now and even after I asked him the 20 questions I didn’t get any real answers.

He told me a story about how the aides made him walk behind his wheelchair last evening after supper. I asked the nurse about it and she talked to Al in front of me. She told him that she pushed him down to his room. Then he went on to another time when he used to walk and he didn’t feel well enough to walk. She told him he was talking maybe about last week.

It was obvious that he was having some dementia. This nurse is my favorite and I know if she said she pushed him, she did. He and I ate lunch together but he was pretty much in the dazed look for the most part. He kept telling me he didn’t feel good but he didn’t know where he felt bad at.

He was eating and except for the Parkinson stare I couldn’t see anything. As usual I finished my meal before him so I just people watched. I was watching Al trying to get the food on his spoon but most of it was going in his lap.

Then I saw the problem. I saw it but I couldn’t say anything to him. I saw his nurse standing at the cafeteria door so I told Al I would be right back. I walked up to her and asked if she had a moment.

We found a little spot where we could talk and I told her that I thought I knew why he has not been feeling well. I explained about his gray nails. When I looked at Al trying to eat the gray nails stood right out at me.

My stomach started hurting and I could feel my heart racing. She said, I am sorry Terry. His heart is just really suffering from his disease. I knew in my heart that is what she was going to say.

I swallowed the lump beginning to form in my throat and told her thanks for her help. I plastered my smile back on my face and wiped the one tear trying to run down my face. I walked back over to where Al was sitting and I sat back down.

He gave me another half-smile and I placed my hand over his and all I could get out of my mouth is I love you Bud, don’t ever forget this. He gave me a big smile then. He took his hand and rubbed over his chest area and I excused myself to go to the ladies room.

I came back in time to push him back to his room. I helped him on the potty and then I came home.