If fear wasn’t so strong
I think I would take off
For a little trip
On an island somewhere
All alone away from all
The visit with Al
Was too much to bear
His pain was at an all
Time high his cries
Never stopped and it
Was breaking my heart
I was told he has
Lost seven pounds this week
And this caused
My heart to race
And it felt like it skipped beats
I helped him all I could
But I ended up doing no good
I cried with him for
The first time today
Our hearts were joined
In searing pain holding
Onto life with trembling hope
I helped him to lie down
After lunch and then the potty
His crying never stopped
As he told me words
That I understood
Please Terry take me home
I want to be with you
I choked and trembled
As he shook my roots of strength
I sat down on the bed
Beside him and grabbed
His hands placing them in mine
I told him that I promised
I was working as fast as I can
That I would have him back
Where he belonged
Then he looked at me one more time
And I could barely hear
The words he strained to tell me
Please don’t let me die in here………….
Terry Shepherd
04/12/2013
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Who I am 
😦 Terry I don’t have words only heartfelt tears for you both I can not imagine the pain you must both be feeling. Hugs my dear one and prayers for always and all things.
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thank you Len, the only way I could deal with this today was write about it and sleep
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There is rejuvination in sleep and healing of the heart and mind. Praying so hard for you both Terry I am here when/if you need me. Love and hugs (((xx)))
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Sleep does work. when I woke it was time to fix supper and now I m on here and listening to Golden Girls
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Much love to you both, Terry. You are in my heart and prayers xxx
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thank you for being such a comfort through caring and prayers
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You are so very welcome, Terry. A candle s lit for Al and its warmth and light goes out to you too xxx
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thank you so much Sue, so very much
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I know that I, and most likely everyone who follows your Blog, will disagree with your statement that said “I helped him all I could but I ended up doing no good.” Terry – you have done much, and no one else could have done better. I sincerely believe that your brother is of the opinion that you have been a wonderful sister and advocate for him. Let that belief go from your head, and into your heart, so that you can have peace that you have helped your brother immensely.
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I couldn’t stop the tears Cheryl. I just had to stand by and do nothing……………I understand what you are saying though. ONce again I knew he didn’t want me to go home without him so I know even though he can’t express it in words much he does love me
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It’s okay to cry Terry. It would be unusual if your emotions weren’t expressed that way.
I will continue to wish only the best for you and Al.
From, Irene a/k/a Boomer98053
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thank you
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My prayers continue. May you have strength, peace and wisdom during this time.
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you have been with me this whole time Rob, thank you for being a rock through God
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Oh Lord, please ease Al’s pain some, and Terry’s too! Give her strength Lord, let her see she is doing more than she thinks that she is. Let her see what testament to love she is.
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thank you my friend. I felt so helpless though. he is crying in pain and I can’t not make it leave, but God can and I beg him to please help Al
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Amen.
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thank you
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Terry, maybe you can help him as such just now … be you’re there with him and that is all you can do – and I know he feel safe and comforter when you’re beside him. You did a lot more than “doing no good” – such a tough situation. This with him losing 7 pound – they have get some nutrition into him. Is he drinking ??? – because otherwise .. it could be come dangerous. My heart and my soul goes out to you, Terry … I wouldn’t for anything to be in your seat. Hopefully you will get a good nights sleep.
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I can’t figure out why he lost so much weight so quickly. I thought once this week when I was pushing him in his wheel chair he felt lighter. I will be watching for next weeks weight results for sure. I feel so helpless when I can’t fix his pain
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No, you can fix his pain .. but you are there for his soul.
Keep an eye on his weight and make sure that he drinks properly.
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I know he has missed one or two dinner meals but I wonder if he is missing more that I don’t know of. that place never tells me if he misses a meal. Al does himself. I am going to ask them to weigh him in a few days. thanks Vivi
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Sorry that Al and you are going through such difficult times. I hope things improve for both of you soon.
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it would be wonderful Charles but at this stage of his disease the only thing that will make him better is God coming to get him. I hate saying this but in my heart I know it is true
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I am so sorry Terry 😦 My heart goes out to you.
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I think I can almost feel your shoulder calling my name
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Always here for you Terry
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hugs Alastair
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Terry, I am sorry to hear you are both having such a difficult time. I hope tomorrow will be a better day, and I hope you can bring him home very soon.
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me too my friend, me too. I got the official letter today letting me know he is approved
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I am so glad. I hope they will speed the process now so you can bring Al home. (((Hugs)))
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i am hoping for speed now to take place
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So sad. Hugs and good wishes!
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thank you Tersia
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Oh, Terry, I am so sorry the visit with Al was so hard on you. If bringing him home is what you truly want, I hope it happens soon. Praying for you both.
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he is getting worse after he was in the hospital last week. I don’t want him to pass a way other then here at home
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I understand. May God be with you both.
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thank you
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Breaks my heart…. Having been in your shoes in some respects…. mine was the evils of cancer. Helped take 3 so far in my life home to pass the time they had left… I felt your words and know both your wish that you could flee and the loyalty in your heart that would never let you. Hugs.
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you understand very well. there is a huge part of me that wants to escape this all for a short time but leaving him behind is impossible
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Oh Terry. I am so sorry. I hope knowing you are surrounded by all us blogger friends may be of some help.
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this is how i get by Mona. I lean on you and I take too many naps, but during those naps I forget
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One minute at a time, Terry, one foot in front of the other, my friend. As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you. xoxoM
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thank you so much Margarita. I try very hard to keep your motto in mind. one minute at a time
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Oh Terry, I’m so sorry.
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thank you Elaine
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Our thoughts go out to you and Al even from as far as the Land Down Under!
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thank you so much Joanne
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Crying and praying too, dear Terry. God bless you.
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I didn’t mean to make you cry but it just hurts me so bad to see him suffering
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tears in my eyes as I feel your pain …so hope that Al gets to come home with you soon… for how ever long that will be…it will be worth it!
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me too, i want him home for however long
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Oh Terry – I am so sorry.
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i want him home Julie
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*hugs* just hugs my friend. I hope he comes home soon.
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me too my friend
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O, Terry, I’m so sorry. This hurts deeply. I’m still praying for you and Al and wish that he’ll be home soon. Big Hug!
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thank you so much Angel. Always need the prayers
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I couldn’t help the thoughts, and time that you put into this post, I couldn’t help but share this with my gmail friends with credit going back to you of course. I am very greatful that you added a link to my post. But I also have to say that the words from this poem have a true meaning and very heart felt.
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it is so nice to meet another wonderful WP blogger. This family of bloggers helps me so much through my many trials with my brother’s illness. I appreciate your kind comment. the words truly penetrated my heart. thank you very much Balding.
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No problem, I am always Happy and it makes me feel great when I can help others out other than those outside my home.
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hugs
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Terry, I am crying with you,you can lean on my shoulder any time and get a tight hug and somfort as much as I can give you. Let us pray that it will work the right way! I am with you !
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thank you so much Ute. It is a true blessing to have wonderful friends in my life. bless you my friend
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Prayers to both you and Al. I pray for God’s presence to comfort both of you during this most challenging time. Hang in there Terry.
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thank you my friend. I am really fighting with all I have
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