Pain and Emotions

Parkinson's UK balloons

Parkinson’s UK balloons

I got a call from the nurse where Al lives and she told me that the family doctor had just been in and had prescribed an anti-depressant for Al. I freaked and asked her when they were going to give him the first dose and she said the first thing in the morning.


I asked her to please wait until I got back with her. I needed to talk to the doctor. I called and left him a message and he returned my call immediately. I told him about how two years ago Al was last on one of those types of medications. I explained how he had a terrible seizure from it and he couldn’t walk for almost six weeks.


I told him my fears and asked him if he still wanted to give it to him after my information. (This doctor was not our doctor two years ago)


He said, “Terry I just saw him. He is in so much pain and so depressed and sad. He is on the pain patch and now two more weak pain medications. He can’t take anymore. There is nothing I can do but to keep him comfortable. We have to try to lift some of his sadness. I have weighed the pros and cons and the pros are slightly in his favor. He does have the risk of seizures again but we won’t know unless we try, ok?”


I started crying right there on the phone. He told me, “Parkinson’s is a rough and dirty disease. It is beating Al up. How can you and I sit here and watch him suffer every single day.”


He didn’t know it but I was sitting here nodding my head. I knew I agreed with him but it just seems there is no licking this disease. I told him that I would call the nurse back and give her the go ahead for the medication.


I know I am supposed to be strong but here I am once again, a big weak mess. Watching the life disappear out of his life is harder I think than anything I have witnessed in a few years.



59 thoughts on “Pain and Emotions

  1. It sounds as if the Doctor really cares Terry, he sees the suffering and knows that he only has a few choices on what he can do, he is trying to ease his pain by easing his depression. It is truly a sad circle, depression makes the pain worse, and the pain makes the depression worse. Sometimes if you can break the link, you can ease both. Will keep you both in my prayers, truly Terry, God loves you and doesn’t want either of you to suffer so.


    • you know Loopy, I was thinking that too when i was writing this. a vicious circle, pain, more medications, depression from PD, more pills, when does it end…….it doesn’t seem like it will until it is over. thank u for understanding


  2. I hope this helps bring Al some relief. At least the doctor is concerned and trying, and he sounds like he was very sympathetic on the phone. You guys will make it through this, and I do pray that there will be comfort for both you and Al♥♥♥


  3. Terry, I’m praying for you both. God has allowed this for some reason and I can read in your words and feel the pain of just waiting and not knowing. It’s the suffering we want so badly to fix. I know it isn’t easy but I try to think about how much it hurts me and then how much more it must pain God – how He feels pain over it too. I will pray for you both.
    God will bless you.



  4. Terry my friend I am so sorry that you are suffering right along with Al. but I am grateful he has you to love and care for him and It sounds as if this doctor has Als best interest at heart. I know you don’t want him to go through anymore but maybe this will work there are new meds coming out all the time. You have my love and prayers.


  5. It’s a tough journey you are … on too. But the doctor is right, to try and see how it works. Good that you agreed – feel so for both of you – accepting is a the toughest of it all … if they can make his life more comfortable, even if it means other changes .. is it worth it.


  6. You are handling things the best you can Terry. Now it is time to trust the Lord with the medication. After all, if you had chosen to not try the medication, you would have to live with the thought that you might not be doing all you can for Al. Now you should have no doubts you are trying everything possible to keep him as comfortable as is possible.

    Even in the midst to fall of this, it is wonderful to know that the Lord is still in control and is allowing these things to come to pass for a purpose.

    “[I had fainted], unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” (Psalms 27:13-14)

    Prayers continue.


  7. I am so sorry Terry. It sounds like you have good and compassionate doctor though. I hope the antidepressants work without side effects. They can work wonders. Terry I know how hard it is but soon Al will be healthy and laughing and walking and running. Try to focus on the glory of Heaven that Al will soon be embraced in. For unlike most of us there is no way Al could have ever sinned. He is as free of sin as a new born babe.


  8. Father, in Jesus’ name, I ask You to comfort Al and remove that spirit of heaviness that he is carrying now. Lord, please do a miracle and restore Al’s joy. Let him know joy in these last days, Lord, as he is surrounded by Your love and by his sister’s love. Father, please let him know that men and women from all over are praying for him as we read his story, and as his sister continues to post updates about him on her blog. Father, we know that he must endure pain, as all people must, but Lord, in Jesus’ name, I ask You to bring that pain into submission to You, and that the pain would be tolerable for Al, so that he can still find joy in You. And Lord, as You fill Al with joy, let him find strength in it. For your word says the joy of the Lord is our strength, so I’m no asking for happiness, which is based on our circumstances and what is happening, I’m asking that You reveal Yourself to Al, and that he would have joy in You, and that You would use that joy to give Al renewed strength.

    Father, in Jesus’ name, I also pray this same prayer for Terry. Let her find joy in Your presence, and let that joy strengthen her in Your name, amen.


  9. It is so hard watching a loved one suffer. I understand, I watched my mother for weeks before she died, and yet the hardest thing we will ever do is to release them. Praying for you so much – and for Al. Jesus – surround Terry and Al with Your strength, hope and comfort and fill them with Your presence. Wipe away Terry’s tears as you let her know that You are with her during this time – every minute and every hour of each day. In the name of Jesus I pray – amen.


  10. It is hardest to watch a loved one suffer and you cannot stop it. I am thinking of you and hope his pain will go away. I will pray even more for Al and your strength! Have along tight hug and you can always cry on my shoulder, I’ll join in! Love xx


  11. The doctor sounds like a very caring man, it must have been a hard decision for you both, but I think you are right to be guided by him. I hope this helps Al (and by extension you too) with no negative side effects. I’m thinking of you both.


  12. Pingback: Nightmare at the Hospital | terry1954

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