#FWF Free Write Friday; Baggage Claim


http://kellieelmore.com

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
― Steve MaraboliLife, the Truth, and Being Freeluggagecandle-animated.gif

I have known for many years that I love to help others. I can sense even through gestures that a heart is hurting.

I never knew that part of this was because of what happened to my own self when I was young.

Now that I am writing a book about my brother, Al‘s Life Journey, I have discovered pieces of a puzzle that make me who I am today.

Pain is something we are able to shove way back into our mind.

Although it does manage to creep forward through words we speak and actions we take it is something that follows us throughout our lives.

Helping others and walking with my brother through Parkinson’s Disease have been my goal for so very long.

I have tried to place myself in various scenarios to have a taste of what it is like to be free and happy but I feel to uncomfortable and go back to my familiar seat.

Even the first book that I wrote and is about to be public to the world is about disabilities and how to over come them.

When I forced myself to say it  out loud that I too had suffered from abuse and my brother was too I find it a miracle that Al and I are as healthy as we are today. The key to unleashing what has happened in our past is forgiveness.

I didn’t ask for anything that happened to me as a child, nor did Al or anyone else that has suffered at the minds and hands of other humans.  Yet for many of us we carry the burden with us weighing us down from enjoying our lives and being the ultimate best that God wanted us to be.

How do we forgive ourselves? I am not sure as I am still sorting through the reality of my life. I do know that I have forgiven all that were involved with my young childhood. I realize that fear, and lack of knowledge can cause people to make mega mistakes.

But why do they go on with their lives and the ones who suffered the damage have been halted in their footsteps? Guilt, I believe is my own answer. It sounds so silly to think this but I blame myself.

I think things like maybe I cried too much. Maybe I was too demanding. Maybe I reminded them of someone else. Maybe I talked to much. I could go on and on but it is a waste of time. I want to become the trickles in the brook, running smoothly down stream, joining at the end of the pool. Glistening in the sunlight, and when you look into the deep reflections you see peace and feel it surrounding you as you stare back at yourself.

I want to be a part of the school of fish, swimming in one direction. I want to never be the one who tries to swim upstream while others are flowing easily into the next moment.

For me, I need to forgive myself for what has happened. I need to drop off my luggage at the local recyclable plant and never look back. I want to admit that I can not fix my brother, but I can walk with him through his journey and show him that he is loved.

When I was invited to be a guest on a radio show yesterday to speak about Parkinson’s I was more than honored and excited. I was thrilled to be able to finally give a part of myself to others. I know with what knowledge I have and my gifts God has given me I can help others to let their own baggage go also.

This is dedicated to my very special friend, Sara, who was once a WP blogger but carried the guilt of what happened to her into an early death. Still think of you often Sara, and I will always think of you with love.

free-write-friday-kellie-elmorehttp://youtu.be/E06cXUgI9_s

 

32 thoughts on “#FWF Free Write Friday; Baggage Claim

  1. I am glad you have found some peace. Forgiveness can be hard and there are times I struggle with it myself. Congratulations on the radio gig! 🙂

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  2. So sorry for your friend Sara, nobody should have to die because of guilt. It’s so true what you are saying that we carrying far too much of old luggage with us … the whole life through – I think I’m luck because I move so many times and started all over .. I have dumped a lot of mine by every stop. I hardly carry anything from the past. I just move on and .. and new bags will be carried for a while.
    I think you will do a fantastic job … and I’m so looking forward to read about it.
    Just leave the old suit cases now … get a new bag! You shouldn’t bother with others bags … try to talk them into … leaving them behind too – don’t carry.

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  3. Excellent write, Terry. I know exactly how you feel. I actually found forgiving myself the hardest of all, but once I was able to do so, the peace that followed was incredible. My post this week will sound like maybe I haven’t gotten over the past, and haven’t forgiven others and myself, but it’s an old story I wrote many years ago. I just trimmed it a bit and used it for the prompt today.

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  4. I am sure through writing the book about Al, you remember, you learn, you can forgive, and finally let go of hte past. You will get to know yourself more and on the whole this is all positive. As you see things are happening like the radio show.
    I am sorry about the untimely death of your friend.

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  5. My mother suffered from Parkinson’s disease. Congratulations on writing a book about the condition and bringing it the attention of many people.

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    • you are welcome Suzanne. You then realize that my brother is in huge amounts of pain even with pain pills, has PDD, and sometimes sees things that aren’t there. he is very young to have this in my eyes

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  6. Yes, sometimes our baggage can be just to heavy to bear. Nearly lost someone very dear to me last year because they just couldn’t take their pain anymore. Fortunately he is still with us and with help is finding his way. Still, none of us are above those moments of terrible desperation. … Thanks for sharing your story. It was beautifully conveyed. With each word we write we release, and with each small release we heal just a little more. All the best to you and your brother … Dorothy 🙂

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  7. Terry…I have to tell you…of all the times you have shared with us for FWF, this one here, this has been the most real, raw and touching of them all. I love your honesty and courage to open up and…flow like a brook…trickling your story into our hearts. You did an amazing job and I thank you for allowing fwf to be a platform for you to share. That means the world to me. Truly thankful for your heart.

    Much love,
    Kellie

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    • You are very welcome Kellie. life is definitely a journey that we ultimately travel alone when it comes down to it. We stop for rest but we keep going until the end of the path

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