Is this really me I am seeing staring back at me? It can’t be, because this woman I see in my mirror is beautiful, and I am so ugly. I am fat and he has told me so many times over the past years that he felt sorry for me.
He wanted me to know that I wasn’t alone, that he would always be near my side any time. He told me lies. He helped me to believe that no other would ever desire me and because he cared about me he would always try to make me feel beautiful. I have learned that he needed me. But I didn’t realize at that time that I did not need him. I I was the rabbit and he was the hunter with the gun.
Holding me captured not by his physical power but by his words so full of emotion. Tearing down any self-esteem I may have ever had. Forcing me to believe that I was a fat worm in a rotten apple.
He never paid any attention to me until I blossomed at 13 years old. I was very shy as a child and when he smiled at me I liked it. He had a way of making me feel so special. I got extra pretty birthday gifts. For Christmas I received expensive gifts. One long box that I opened had my first diamond necklace in it.
He took it out of the box and raised my hair to place it around my neck. I could smell his Old Spice and feel my hairs standing on edge as he breathed so close to my neck. He lured me as a fisherman brings in a beautiful bass.
He took my trust and innocence and broke it into millions of tiny sharp shards all over the floor. He did this on one night when a knock came to my door and when I learned it was him, I innocently opened it and he stole from me all that I had saved for many years.
Now today years later and an excellent therapist, I look into the mirror and try to do my exercises I was given. I stare at my reflection and I force myself to look close. Is this really me?
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