Life Sucks

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I have sat down here two days in a row to write and can not. I am brain-dead I think, too much drama going on.

Al is having worse tremors than before. If he isn’t asleep the tremors are at full force. He wants to come home, and I can’t make it happen any quicker. Each day I wait for that phone to ring for the appointment to be made. This is the last appointment before he comes home and the phone remains silent.

I had a phone call last evening after business hours. It was from some collection agency wanting to speak to my brother. I explained that I was his guardian and he couldn’t speak for himself.

They said they wouldn’t talk without the legal papers showing who I was. I said I would fax them, but then she told me it would go to another office and would be looked at this morning. I explained to her about the Hipaa laws and that I didn’t want just any eyes seeing private things.

She told me to fax it anyways but I refused. This morning I called this business and they had me on hold for quite some time. When they finally came to the phone they didn’t show any collections for him. They told me to call the hospital and doctor’s office.

I did this and still nothing. I know when I got off the phone last night it only took that one phone call to stress me to the max. I couldn’t do anything until this morning. I started fretting about what could be wrong. I always pay his bills, so what was up?

As I became more agitated I sat here at the computer and cried for no reason. I asked God, God can I put this in the worry basket of yours? I just can’t deal with anymore. I am tired Lord, oh so tired.

I don’t know if God took care of this or if this was a spam call, but there is no evidence of owed bills today.

I rearranged my living room and moved furniture into funny areas to make our home as open and wide as possible for Al’s wheelchair. My family is having issues that I can only be a good listener and a devoted Mom but I can’t fix anything.

I am just overwhelmed I think. The straw that broke the camel’s back was I do not usually go out after supper unless it is about Al or I am a tag-along with my son. I made special arrangements to deliver one of the pieces I sold from my antique site and the person was a no-show.

The gas was wasted and so was my mind and time. I came home and wrote an amendment  that from now on they have to pick-up. If they don’t want to show or have the guts to say they changed their mind, at least it isn’t my gas and time being wasted.

Wow, I sound like a harsh mean old woman. I am not really. I just get sick of crap, as Al would say. He says I am so sick of this crap. Parkinson’s doesn’t care if it ruins me. It doesn’t care if I spill my food all over me and the floor. Darn old Parkinson‘s.

I have to agree with you Buddy, some days life sucks.

66 thoughts on “Life Sucks

  1. Words cannot express how sorry I am for you and your family and friends who are hurting. I know there isn’t anything but I wish there were something I can do or say to help ease your burden, your stress, your pain & heartache.
    And you don’t sound harsh or mean at all! You are dealing with unimaginable struggles that many people can’t even fathom. It’s ok to express that by venting when you feel the need to and no one should judge you negatively for that.
    Collection agency people can be so cold nagging people and their families who are experiencing heartache and are in a crisis. It seems all they care about is their money.

    My heart goes out to you and all those around you who are hurting. Hugs to you. ❤


    • your words are very comforting to me. I really feel you understand where I am coming from. I am truly blessed to have a friend like you in my life. Thank you Inspiration


      • I’m sorry I tried to respond to the notification e – mail and it got messed up. I’m very happy my words were able to help some. And I’m happy to have you as a friend on here. ❤ hugs to you.


  2. I’m so sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. Stay strong and keep the faith, but don’t feel like you need to hold back. We all need to vent sometimes and reset our meters to face what’s ahead. Praying for you!


  3. My Dear Terry,
    I think that blogging is therapeutic for you, and the enemy of your soul would take that away, also. But even though you have a block right now, you can pray God’s words back to Him on your blog. I would start with Psalm 8. After that, perhaps Romans 8:1-11, then I john 5:11-15, etc. I will continue to pray for you and Al. May the God of Peace bring joy to you in the morning! Amen.


  4. Terry, I am sorry to hear about all you difficulties and Al’s symptoms. Sending prayers. Also that phone call could have been fraud to get private information. Tell collectors or anyone else to send Al the bill at your address and you will only respond to written requests, not to telephone calls. You are right that his medical information is protected by HIPAAA, but also his social security number, etc should be kept confidential and bills need to be documented to assure they are valid. Goood luck with all of this. I know it is very stressful!


  5. It sure can feel that way sometimes… it’s when we are in overload… just too much to handle…
    and you did good by turning it over to God… but, you really have to let go… and let God handle it…
    We sometimes say the words…but, still want to be in charge… and it can’t be that way…
    I do believe things are going to be better soon …for you and Al…
    love, mkg


    • ya they had a message for me when I returned home, although they could have texted my cell and so after answering her she isn’t even answering back, although she still seems interested. a game in my opinion. i don’t have nerves of still and I don’t want to play that game


  6. Much love and healing thoughts going your way, Terry. Still fighting systemic matters as well as for my own health and well being, I have not Parkinson’s and so feel for you and yours. Don’t forget how strong you are that last year and the year before when I was so far down, I was considering exiting this life, you were one of my saving voices. Your messages of support and encouragement will always live in my mind. If I can be of some small comfort in sending you healing love and prayers, please allow me to do so. Thinking of you. Stay true, stay you, girl, the strong is inside you, it just gets tired. And getting tired is really okay. Please remember to take good care of yourself. xo


    • Your comment meant the world to me. It makes me realize that my problems are so little compared to others. Life is worth living. I think our minds and bodies need rest when we are faced with daily challenges. I hope you are doing well today. Thank u so much for chatting with me. It did me a world of good. hugs my friend


  7. ….. it’s a never ending story for you, Terry …. I don’t understand where you get all the strength and force from ???!!!! Terry, my grandpa said that we have the same rights to our tears as we have to our laughter. So cry – it helps – when I’m tired and feed up with everything – so I go into the shower and take a shower and cry on the same time … a really hot shower and then I get relaxed, heavy and fall to sleep at once.,
    Time to think about yourself now, Terry … my thoughts are with you.


    • I like the idea of tears in the shower. You erase everything from that day all at once. We all have rough days, and I am wrong for thinking I can conquer each one the same. I need to accept that I am not a warrior and I need to stop and breathe slowly


  8. Sounds like a scam to me Terry; I really would try not to worry about it.

    As for the no-show? I understand your frustration; being autistic, I have to have plans set in stone, because no-shows and timewasters throw my brain and my entire day out of whack and I become horribly distressed.

    Many hugs to you, my friend xx


    • me too! I planned this meet around Al’s supper. I hurried and left him sitting at the table when I could have stayed until he was finished. Only to find a no-show


  9. You’re an awesome person Terry. Crying, is a reliever at times. You work so hard, and your character speaks volumes. I pray for your endurance. As I deal with my Parky, I cry because I feel like a burden to my family. I can see the progression, and it stinks. They are supportive, like you, so I’m blessed beyond measure. We need more Terry’s in the world… Be blessed


    • That is one of Al’s biggest complaints. He feels like he is a burden. He knows what he used to be able to do and realizes he can’t. No matter what I say, he is humiliated by this disease. thanks for an awesome comment Parky


  10. I have finally broken out of my funk and I have to attribute it getting outside in the sun and sweating. It felt so good to get out of this house because it has rained here for nearly two weeks!Plan a little time outside maybe with just you and your camera and see it that doesn’t help! Good luck.


  11. This is such a horrible time for you. You seem overwhelmed… Will you be able to cope with the physical demands that having Al at home will bring? I ask because I care. Lots of hugs


  12. Sorry to hear this, Terry. Going to pass along something a friend of mine passed along to me recently…for what it’s worth 🙂

    Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them. View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.

    When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us. Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Me produces abundant living in My kingdom. Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.

    ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young


  13. Not harsh and mean at all — that’s actually the safest way of selling or giving things away to people you don’t know.
    Bill collectors are always annoying, even when the person talking to you is pleasant. You were so smart not to fax personal information to them. They should prove who they are, not demand you prove who you are — after all, THEY called YOU. You handled that situation very well.
    I am so sorry your day was a bummer, and I’m hoping and praying as I type that your day tomorrow is happy and peaceful!


    • That first sentence is wrong — I meant to add that meeting them at a public parking lot very close to your house is the best alternative rather than driving somewhere a distance from your home. I’ll get my head on straight sooner or later, lol


  14. wow that was a sucky day! tomorrow will be better, i hope the phone call comes soon and though you will have stress with al there it sounds like it may be less so than having to deal with the nursing home staff.

    you are on my mind and i am sending gentle warm hugs and blessings.


    • One of the calls I have been waiting for came yesterday. An appointment has been set for next week. I am still waiting on the other phone call. I am trying real hard to look to the good of life


  15. My heart goes out to you and for sure, you can tell them that all correspondence must be in writing as you will not accept, answer or return calls.I read thus somewhere once as they have no right to harass you. Hugs to you


  16. Oh, Terry, I am so sorry for your pain. Sending you hugs, and hoping that you can think of little ways to take care of yourself, as you are taking care of everyone else. Until someone is thrust into the role of caregiver, there is no way to know how stressful, how sad, how taxing it is. And sometimes you need to cry.


    • Thank you so much Naomi. It is wonderful to have loving friends surrounding me. I cherish your comment. Please come back and chat again. Big hugs for your kind words


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