Tormented Memories

Trish was a messed up high school  kid. She held nothing back when wanting what her heart desired. She stooped at nothing to get to the top. In the first year of  high school she was popular.

After the second year people began to whisper and her friends list dropped slowly. Sometimes she would think about it and wonder what was going on, but only for a few minutes.

Her attitude was if they didn’t like her, screw them, there were others that could fill the slot. She kissed teacher‘s rear ends to get better grades. She wanted the best and if it included lying a little or faking someone out she did it.

There was once a rumor going around school that she was sleeping with one of the male teachers. It was Algebra and she struggled with it. She sat up front and center of the teacher’s desk and made sure to show a little extra leg.

He took the bait and kept her after school to give her more help than what he would other students. It was no surprise to her when she got an A in that class. Classmates designated her as one of the top class sluts.

At nights when she lay in bed she would think about the sneers that went on behind her back. If they only knew. If they only knew her own dirty past, they wouldn’t say things like that about me.

A couple of tears would slide down her cheeks. She brushed them off and put up her soul armour and rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning arrived and so did a reinforced attitude of getting to the top.

Her third and last year of high school brought one major change from the years prior. Students despised her even more. They could see that she was a total fake. Anything that came out of those pouty lips was not believable.

Trish never stayed home on the weekends. This is when her father was home. She went to the ball games at school and sat among the crowd alone. It was one evening at a home basketball game that she noticed one of the players paying attention to her.

She didn’t know this guy that well. He wasn’t in any of her classes. He would wave at her and sometimes wink. It seemed that a growing conversation was forming between the two by way of physical communication.

After the game she hung around in the bleachers instead of leaving like she  usually did. The gym was silent as everyone had left. Soon echos of footsteps brought the player and the student face to face.

Petty conversation was transpired and the two ended up walking out together. There were a few cars still in the parking lot but those were probably the clean up people. Trish walked with Jack to his car.

“Are you hungry? I am starving. I’m going to stop over at a little place that’s on the way home for me. Do you want to come along? We can get to know each other better.”

Trish looked at him with stars in her eyes. Here was a guy who was definitely interested in her. He wasn’t making fun of her or bringing up any of those nasty rumors. “Sure, I’d love to go.”

The two climbed in the car and took off down the street. As the street lights became farther apart Jack took a left turn and the night lights disappeared all together. “Is there a restaurant clear out here?”

” Yeah, just a mile down the road. I thought we could pull off here and talk for a while. You don’t mind do you? I just want to get to know you so bad. You are so beautiful.”

Trish started to feel jitters inside. She had heard those words before, you are so beautiful. But yet this was a different place, time, and a different man. Her excitement of being accepted was higher than her internal alarms.

Jack grinned at her and pulled off on a dirt road. It was actually a path that had been made for tractors and other farm machinery. Corn fields were on either side of them. Jack knew this area well.

He turned the engine off and turned towards Trish. “Tell me something about yourself pretty girl. I want to know every little thing about you.”

As she started to speak Jack’s hands were speaking also. As his hands began to roam her thoughts turned a way from him and back to the endless nights where another man also did this.

Oh my God, what did I do to deserve this? Why me, is it ever going to stop? Am I going to have to go through life always trying to prove myself?

Jack wanted her and she recognized his behavior. She should have known. No one wanted her other than for sex. Hadn’t he told her years ago that she was just the most beautiful child that had ever walked this earth? Hadn’t he said that men would always want her and that she must be thankful for this?

Tears sliding in the darkness, and conversation quieted, Trish let Jack lead the way. She let him do as he wished. There was no reason to fight it. She had tried in the past, but only received punishment and threats.

She felt so dirty inside. His good looks suddenly turning into pictures of slithering snakes wrapping its trunk around her and tasting her wounded soul. When he was finished with her he said,”I like you real well. You did good. I know about your reputation at school so I suggest you keep this to yourself. You know no one will believe a word you say if you tell.”

Yes, Trish knew all too well that she would never say a word. Hadn’t she already proven that by keeping the secret all these years?

Jake started the car and drove her back to the school. He let her out and told her,” maybe we can hook up again real soon.” She smiled at him as he drove a way. When he was out of sight she walked towards home.

Entering the back door she quietly walked to her bedroom. She stripped off her clothes and took the hottest shower she could stand. She wanted to wash off another evening before bitter memories could take over.

She stood under the streaming water until her skin became wrinkled but she could still feel the inner emotional pain. She didn’t think she could ever wash that away. All she ever wanted was good grades and a chance to go to college.

She didn’t even know what she wanted to study for. Her vision was blurred by the ugly memories always popping up. She did know that her beauty was her worst enemy. But yet it could also help her to get what she needed to get out of the house and on her own.

She dried off and put her pajamas on and crawled under her bed sheets. She lay there staring in the darkness wishing her life could be different. No one understood her and it seemed no one cared.

Tears were falling slowly down her cheeks when she heard her door knob turn. She glanced over towards the door and saw nothing but knew well enough what was happening.

He scooted into bed next to her and laid very quietly. She knew the signal by heart. The motions were effortless and when her duty was done he walked out as quietly as he had walked in.

Her soul was burning, and her heart was broken. Her dreams had vanished when in one night she had been raped twice by two different men. She couldn’t take it anymore. She knew her life was over.

She had tried using the same devices that she had been taught, but others ended up getting the better deal. She screamed inside for release from this pain. Flaming torches had found their way to every part of her body and she needed them to go a way.

She put her clothes back on and slowly opened her door. Seeing no one she walked down the hall to the main bathroom. She went in and opened the medicine chest and scanned the bottles.

She didn’t know what the names were but she knew that her Mom had these for her bad days of headaches and pains. She grabbed a couple of bottles and took them back to her room.

Getting a glass of water and then sitting on the edge of her bed, she stared at the bottles knowing this was her only way out. She let tears take all of her pent-up emotions and lay them on the bed next to her.

With no way to comprehend anything now she swallowed hard and finished her water. She put the empty bottles on her night stand and let the glass fall to the floor. She laid back down and waited for the years to escape her memories.

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