Daily Archives: May 12, 2013

Al and Me on Mother’s Day

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By noon this morning I had received two text messages from two of my kids telling me Happy Mother’s Day. On my way to go see Al I stopped at the mail box and got my mail. Inside was a beautiful card from my daughter who lives outside my area. There was a very useful gift card inside. I had never received a gift card and felt a little embarrassed when I had to ask my daughter what to do with it.

She called me this afternoon and wished me a Happy day also. Then tonight I heard the door bell ring and there stood my one son’s better half and their two kids. They brought me a card and a pretty necklace.

I felt pretty darn special, let me tell you. It was real nice to have one day off from the bad crap I have been dealt with this week.

When I saw Al today it was a complete turn around. No, he still has Parkinson’s, but his attitude and personality was wonderful. The new anti-depressant patch had obviously worked. He cut up with jokes with all the staff that walked by.

He talked to me about different shows he had watched on TV last night. He even did some embarrassing things at the dinner table like farting. Each time he did it he just giggled. It was making my face turn red but he was really enjoying his musical talent.

The only thing that bothered me besides the toots was his one hand. All five nails were gray and stayed that way the entire time I was with him. Inside where I can’t see the Parkinson’s is doing its thing. I tried for the most part to ignore and not keep glancing at them. His other hand was normal color. I don’t know what that meant, one being gray and alvin graduation picturethe other hand pink nailed.

We had a good time. I took him soda and snacks for the week, and he sent me home with raisins and miniature snicker bars. He couldn’t get them opened by himself and when the aids helped him he couldn’t chew them. His jaw must be weak or his mouth or his chewing is becoming weaker. I know that he still chokes on foods so no more gooey snack foods for him.

So far we have taken out of his foods, any kind of stringy meat like roast. We have taken out jello because the tremors won’t allow him to keep it on the spoon. French fries have to be monitored if he eats those. Milk only once a day because of choking. Cake icing seems to get stuck in his mouth, so I monitor this. He can’t have any kind of white meat chicken, and all meats have to be ground. Most meats even ground are starting to make him choke. We are training him to take a drink after each bite of meat.

I stayed with him until he fell asleep in his recliner. About an hour ago I got a call from the facility. He fell again. No one was in his room, and according to the nurse, he must have reached behind him and unhooked the bed alarm and stood up to go to the bathroom. He walked three steps and fell hitting his back on the corner of the bed. She stated there are no bruises and no scrapes.

I was calm, and I do know that I have seen Al stand up and head for the bathroom and I will instantly ask him what he is doing. He says going to the bathroom. I ask him if he is supposed to be walking and then he says he forgot and sits back down. I always sigh a deep relief because when he stands it is only seconds and he is down. I think it is his Parkinson’s/Dementia causing him to think he can walk.

I hope he will be alright. My internal alarms are on alert basis now. Not only from the fall but it seems about every two weeks we head to the ER from more of those internal tremors in his heart and chest, and it has been two weeks. I am keeping my fingers crossed on this one.

Picture it & Write/ Ermiliablog

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For several nights Derek dreamed. They were vivid and colorful, yet when he woke his bed was wet from the sweat that dripped from his body.

He began to fear closing his eyes at night. The visions of his nightmare remaining clear in his mind.

He began his journey of tearing apart the tiny pieces and dissecting each thought. In the end he hoped that he could place the puzzle together and see clearly what his dream meant.

Some said because the color of green was so alive, that maybe he wished for money. Others asked if he was afraid of someone or maybe he had instincts about something bad going down at work.

Still others thought maybe he was wrestling something from his past.

Derek didn’t know and after days of this continuing he decided to look into a special doctor. He called a shrink out of the yellow pages and set an appointment. He was nervous as he pulled into the parking lot.

He pulled out a cigarette and puffed on it, arguing with himself on whether he should go into this adventure. Did he really want to know? Was it really that bad? After all, it only happened at night-time. Weren’t his days just fine?

He took his last puff and put it out. He sat there a few minutes longer looking at his reflection in the rear view mirror. Trying to see the answers staring back at him but all he got were blank shells.

Ah what the hell, let’s get this over with. Better to know I guess than wearing myself down trying to figure it out on my own.

He walked through the double doors and was greeted by a blonde bombshell. Good morning sir. Do you have an appointment?

Derek stared at her and his lips wouldn’t move. Between his restless nights and hours of trying to figure out what was wrong with him, and then looking at this gorgeous babe, for a minute, he couldn’t speak.

Um, yes, yes I do have an appointment. The names Miller, Derek Miller.

She smiled at him and checked her appointment book. Yes, here you are. You are right on time Mr. Miller. Please have a seat and I will let the doctor know you are here.

Derek walked over to one of the empty seats. He couldn’t hardly keep his eyes to himself. They must put pretty girls in that box to keep our minds off our own problems.

She glanced at him as if she had read his mind and smiled. He smiled and then looked a way, embarrassed that he had been caught looking at her.

Soon his name was called and he walked into a small warm office. The draperies were of heavy, green tapestries, just like the green in his dreams. The furniture smelled of leather and when he was asked to have a seat he sunk in.

Sort of reminded him of his dream; getting sucked into a position he was not comfortable with.

The doctor introduced himself as Dr. Meyers. He started the conversation off with asking Derek general questions.

Where did you grow up? What do you do for a living? What kind of relationship did you have with your parents? Now, tell me about this recurring dream you are having.

Derek coughed and cleared his throat. He was nervous so he tucked his hands under his legs to keep his fingers from shaking. He began his story from the beginning and didn’t stop until the end.

Dr. Meyers looked up from the notes he was writing and asked, Derek, may I call you Derek instead of Mr. Miller? Derek nodded and the doctor continued.

How do you feel about yourself? Have you ever struggled with who you are? How do you think you fit in with life in general?

Derek sat there and considered what to say. He hung his head down towards his lap as if he was praying and then looked back up at the doctor.

I, well I guess I am alright. I think I fit in. Mom and Dad always taught me that what I did in school was never enough. They always said I could do better. If I got less than an A, they pounded me emotionally to do better. They accused me of goofing off. I guess I carry this into my work today also. I want the boss to know I am giving it my all. I want to be appreciated for all I do.

Dr. Meyers shook his head as Derek talked. Yes, Derek, we all want to please our parents when we are young. But maybe their ideas of good enough were different from your ideas. Maybe you already were doing your best. And although we would all love it, many bosses do not say enough of how much we are appreciated. Sometimes the only time we hear from them is if we screw up. You know what I mean Derek?

Derek chuckled to himself, thinking back to one particular time when he did get called into the big man’s office for not having a report exactly the way he wanted. He guessed this doc may have a point.

I think I understand your dreams Mr. Miller. The dream scared you right? It seems bigger than you see yourself? I think this dream has a title, a main theme, a one-headed horse, on a one-way path. It is called Insecurity.

Derek looked up at him and they locked eyes for a moment as Derek let what the doctor said sink in a little bit.

You mean you think I am afraid of myself?

No, you are not afraid of yourself. You have done very well in fact. You have a good education. From what you say you have nice living quarters. You drive a new car. No, you are insecure about not being good enough in your eyes. The reason you don’t hear anything from your boss is you are doing fine. You and your parents seem to have a good relationship all things considered. You look healthy. You just need to change your train of thought. Bring it up a notch or two. Bring yourself in to this day and age. Let the child go and accept the great person you are as an adult.

Derek took a long deep breath. He felt like a big boulder had been lifted from his shoulders. He knew in his gut this doc was right on target. He stood up when the doctor said time’s up.

Unless you continue to have these dreams I think you are one of the lucky ones. I doubt if we need to schedule any more appointments for you. But I am here if you feel the need.

Derek shook the doctor’s hand and walked out of the building. He stopped out in the sunlight and inhaled deeply the fresh air. He looked at the people walking and the kids riding their bikes. He smiled and went home.

When it was time to go to bed, his fear crept back but not as bad. He was anxious this time to go to sleep to see if he would have his dream. When he awoke the next morning, sun came pouring in his windows. It was a beautiful day and the mean, green dream had vanished.

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Lessons In Life

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After Dorothy's departure, Blanche, Rose and S...

There is a topic  from the Golden Girls, that no matter how many times I watch it; it always touches me way down deep.

It is about when Rose becomes unemployed and she speaks about the bag lady she sees each morning.

It makes me ponder on my own life. I wonder if you do this too. Do you ever think you could be in a position of being a bag lady/man? Did you study real hard in  high-school and go to college and are now in the middle of a great career? Only to find out the company is downsizing.

Did you ever in your wildest dreams think that one of the major reasons you were being escorted to the front door is because you had proven yourself over and over what an outstanding employee you had been them? That the benefits you had earned was the reason you were being let go? The company has learned to hire temps, because they don’t require the extras.

When I was living in Florida I was amazed at how many people were homeless. You hear the hype about big old Florida. The place to retire, the bright, warm sunshine. How could there  be homeless in such a glorified state?

Florida is a great place to retire if you were lucky enough to be on the right end of the stick. If you were the prior generation that lived, played and worked hard. When there was an economy that was better balanced.

A time before companies figured out several ways to give you less service for a bigger dollar. Life was slower. Food was grown in the ground. Families worked together, looking out for each others interests.

Your meat wasn’t filled with chemicals. It was home-grown, corn-fed, and butchered at your local meat market. Although life is always tough no matter what generation you come from, the family that stays together, prays together and lives for one another are the ones who now look at their Golden Years with stars in their eyes. Their hard work had paid off and now they can ride golf carts,  play golf and frolic in the sun.

But life isn’t like that today. Nothing is stable and there are no more securities. Many live and save for a vacation. But there are many who try so hard to save and when vacation comes they stay home or travel close by. Camping has become a great way to have fun.

If you can even afford a six man tent, you can find many fun and enjoyable places to relax and enjoy the outdoors. But there is still a deeper issue. The ones who are our neighbors, or maybe we worked with, who never saw it coming.

There was no preparations for the future. We thought we had it made in a shade. Suddenly the job is gone. There are two mortgages on the house. Two to three vehicles sitting in the drive way. A swimming pool out back. The kids wear only name brand clothing. The newest make-up and hair styles had to be had. Every credit card in our wallets is maxed out.

We never gave it a second thought that tomorrow may not come. This takes me back to the Golden Girl show and my own experience. I may have talked about this many moons ago. If I did, forgive me, but on the other hand, it is very important for all of us struggling in today’s world to keep this foremost in our heads.

Many of us live believing and knowing that God will not let us walk through it without knowing he is by our side. But we also know that this world is to get worse. The Bible promises us this. It has to get worse before Jesus can come back.

One day I was at a local gas station near my home. I was getting ready to get out of my car and this man started coming towards me. He didn’t want anything from me but yet by his looks I was a little afraid. Shame on me for acting this way. Even the ugliest of sheep can wear the most beautiful clothes.

I watched this man who looked like he hadn’t had a bath in days. His clothes were torn and didn’t fit properly. What he was doing was going through the trash cans. When I realized this I pumped my gas and went in the store to pay.

I said, do you know there is a man out there rummaging through the trash?

Yes, we know it. He is a regular here. Every morning and evening he pays us a visit. He is looking for soda cans or food. We save him our donuts each day and he takes them with a smile.

My heart dropped down to my toes. Here I was, worrying about the rising prices of gas. Complaining in my head about what I had to pay the clerk. I had forgotten to be thankful for having the money to pay.

I felt like a real ass to tell you the truth. Right there in the store I thanked God for all of the wonderful blessings he had bestowed on me through the years. Yes, life is tough. Life throws us many curves. I hate the high prices of anything today. But I am  more careful now ever since that gas station incident.

I watch how much I am wasting. I ask myself, do I really need it, or do I just want it.

When I walked out of the store I walked up to the man. I handed him some money. He looked at it and you would have thought it was the biggest amount of money he had seen in a long time.  Who knows, it may very well have been. He got teary-eyed, and he grabbed my two hands into his and he started shaking my hands. Thank-you, thank-you mam. You don’t know what a blessing this is for me. I can now go to the grocery store and purchase some food that I know is safe to eat.

We hugged each other and he waved and smiled as I got back in my car and left. My heart swelled and my eyes were wet from tears. It felt glorious to help another person. I love helping people. I can’t always say yes to others but I try to do what I can.

Thank-you God for allowing me to learn that life can not be taken for granted. This was a lesson that I needed to learn today. While I sometimes forget to say thanks, and there are times I forget that you are near me, you are constantly watching over me, teaching me things I need to learn before I am allowed to come home. Amen

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Daily Prompt; Hi Mom

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Today is Mother’s Day in the United States. Wherever in the world you are, write your mother a letter.

Photographers, share a photo that says mothering. mother and child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mom,

I have seen many posts on Facebook of children wishing their Mom’s a great Mother’s Day. I have read several posts here at WordPress of professing love for our mothers. I am even guilty of writing about you too a little early.

Mom, growing up isn’t easy. Us kids are self-centered by nature. We see ourselves as the center of attention. We are demanding as little ones. When we want food or drink or we have a boo-boo, we let you know that we want and need your attention immediately.

We played in the mud making our clothes dirty. We tracked mud across your freshly mopped floors. We even picked you the yellow dandelions out of the yard, and everything we did wrong was erased and placed with smiles as you picked us up and hugged us thanking us for your beautiful yellow-staining flower.

You were the one who came running when you heard that high-pitched scream. You swooped us up in your arms and rushed us inside to clean our knees when we scraped them riding our bikes.

You were the only Mom who had to go to parent teacher conference and discover that your daughter had left her under slip hanging in the coat closet the entire grading period. Knowing how easily you are embarrassed, I can only imagine how you felt at that moment.

Mom, I want to thank-you for standing up for me when Dad accused or yelled at me. I didn’t realize that by doing this you took the risk of having a new argument later behind closed bedroom doors.

You worked very hard through the years you were raising me. I want to ask for your forgiveness for all the times that you tried over and over to call me at home. Only to find the phone was ringing that familiar busy signal. You were so upset with me when you arrived home, and the one thing I did was lie to you. Stating something must be wrong with that darn phone. But you and me, we both knew inside our hearts that I was fibbing, but you didn’t say it out loud.

I want to thank-you for taking your valuable time to pick me up from the library after you had worked a long day. Or taking me into meet my friends at the movies when I now realize you would rather have stayed home and relaxed on a Friday night.

I want to thank-you Mom for understanding that I needed to make my own mistakes in my teen years. I did do some biggies and you never said I told you so. I want to ask again for forgiveness for the many tears I brought to your eyes. I knew it Mom, when you came out from your bedroom with your Bible in your hands, I had disappointed you again and you were praying for me to see the light.

I want to thank-you Mom for shedding the tears for me. I was the only one who saw them but I knew they were tears of worry and hope that my life would be alright when you and I discovered at the doctor’s office that I was pregnant.

I want to thank-you for taking care of my first-born the year I was so ill. I know that this was a huge burden for you with all of your other responsibilities. You did it all and never complained or made me feel bad.

I want to apologize to you Mom for all the ways I went about letting you know that you were not my real mother while I was growing up. You didn’t have to do it. I was not your own and yet you remained steady and loving until the day you died.

One last thing Mom, I want to thank-you for letting me speak to you while you lay on your death-bed. I know in my heart that even though you were unconscience you heard every word I spoke.

I always loved you Mom, and you gave me the chance to wipe the slate clean and let me tell you how much I admired you as a Mother, and how much I always loved you. It was as if you were waiting for those words you so desperately needed to hear all those long years. Because as soon as I said them, I took a hold of your pale, lifeless hand, and you then let Jesus lift you into his arms.

I love you Mom. You may not have been my blood Mother, but I know you were the best in the world.

With tears in my eyes,

Your loving daughter,

Terry