Where Are You?

My brother is worse now than earlier today. He is hateful and mean. He told the aide that there was urine all over the floor. She and I checked but saw nothing. He was angry at his wheelchair. He was angry at everything, even life.

In the two hours I was there over supper I heard him talking  about guns and death. He said he wished he was dead. I let everything I ever learn slip out of my right mind, as I sat in terror wondering where Al was in his mind.

I had even stopped at his old place at work, and chatted with his old boss. He gave me a hat and shirt to take to Al. I just knew that would make a world of difference. He gave me the tiniest of smiles but that was it. He didn’t want to try the hat on or even hold it.

His head was about an inch from his plate. He seemed so weak, or tired or, oh crap, I don’t even know what the word is, different.

I am afraid for my brother, I can’t lie and try to make you believe that I just know everything is going to be alright, because I don’t.

I wonder where Al is in his mind. I saw glimpses but then he would disappear. I was a rattlesnake. My mouth hissed words out so fast. I know I was a rambling idiot, but evidently my fear was bigger than life at this time.

I came home and took a shower. I looked at all the crap back in my living room. The sale was a flop. I had like five people stop. Never again, or not for a long time will I have a sale. I donated Al’s too big clothing and a lot of my clothes to a shelter for men/Scary-Night women about half an hour a way.

Someone can get use out of these. Right now I wish I could donate everything that reminds me of Mom, Dad, Al, myself and Parkinson’s. I am not depressed, I am scared, and partially numb.

I am waiting on a call from the nursing home, as they have given Al more than ample hours to act more like himself, but he didn’t make the mark.

Oh, Al, where are you baby brother…………

Prayer Request Please

Weeping Angels

I thought that when I left Al yesterday, he was in better spirits from our talk. Evidently not, as the facility just called to tell me they had an issue with him. He is thinking about ending it all. They said he has no plan, which makes them feel better. It is an unofficial watch for him as if they state in the files what he is thinking he would have to be sent to a psyche ward. Neither them or me wants him to have to go there. It would destroy him.

So I am pleading and begging for prayers. I called the man in charge of his waiver and said that Al is very sad and that he is afraid he is going to die there instead of here at home. He said he will try to rush it on his end but that once it was at the State again, it was out of his control.

I know that Al told me last week that he saw someone sitting in his recliner during the night. He said that God told him it was now time to go to heaven to see Mom.

I am not going to argue Al’s words because who am I to judge?

Please pray that this goes quickly to get him home and that all the angels surround Al while he is still there.


Daily Prompt; Too Big To Fail

English: Tupperware brand plastic containers 2...

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

I always wanted to start something, but I am too shy to let others know. Even writing this makes me humble myself, as insecurities tend to run through me, but way down deep inside, I know I can do it.

I was the regular housewife with kids that sold Tupperware, and Amway. It was fun, but the ones who made the big money were the people who worked well above normal hours. I felt like I was putting too much effort for too little return.

I had an antique store for a few years. I loved it. Antiques were in my blood and still are. If I could do anything I wanted and was guaranteed not to fail; it would be a wonderful day here on earth.

Being able to take care of my brother, deal with life’s ups and downs and still succeed is the closest thing to heaven.

I would love to open up another antique store with an adjoining building for an auction house. I could buy and sell through the auction or have the choice of placing pieces in the store.

The other idea that I have had for years was to open up an agency. A health-care agency. I would utilize all ages. The younger generation would be closely looked at in their backgrounds. The resume would never be required. Instead I would have a timely interview with coffee and donuts and find out what your goals are and what your heart is really like.

You would be going to people’s homes and doing light cleaning, grocery shopping, running errands, and fixing meals. You would be required to assist in bathing. There would be one half hour before you did any physical work where you would have to sit down with the patient and chat. Let them know you care. Brighten up their day by reading to them, or let them talk about their past.

For the older generation, have you ever sat and listened to their stories? They have a wonderful past to talk about. These great people have something lonely hearts need and desire, company. This would be on a volunteer basis, with perks included.

I would be handing you coupons for restaurants, or a ticket to a play or musical. Maybe a dinner out with a companion.

There is a  need for this in all areas. As the government programs are being sliced, more and more families are caring for members in their own homes. The added personal touches can make living those last days or weeks more comfortable.

We all need to be able to share a part of ourselves with other humans. With the technology of today, human contact is slipping. Cell phones, texting, computers, emails, even being able to buy stamps online, all make small differences in each others lives.

So this is what I would do if I had a guarantee in life for success. How can I choose over both desires? Maybe I could be successful enough and hire others and have my cake and eat it too and have both businesses at once.