We Are Going To Be Elderly One Day


icon of elderly people

icon of elderly people

Is there something about elderly people that scares us younger ones? Is it the frail statue, or maybe the wrinkles. Could it be that they talk to much about the past and we don’t get it? Maybe they move too slow.

We are all going to get old. It is inevitable, it is going to happen. I live on what is known as Senior Lane. A short row of homes that on my side elderly live.

I know each person well enough to know their concerns in life. My one neighbor her children feel that she is not able to manage her money well enough. This may have some truth in it, but I think the adult kids have overstepped some. I know, Terry, mind your own business.

Don’t worry, I have not voiced my thoughts to these two sweethearts that live on either side of me. The one that I am speaking of gets outside with her electric lawn mower and mows her own yard. She plays in her flower garden. She is involved with her church activities. Her kids give her an allowance for spending money and pay her bills with her funds. Maybe it works out for everyone, but I think the elderly lady feels a bit abused.

If her church activities include some outing she has to go to her kids and explain why she wants some extra money. I only have heard the one side of this story, hers. Maybe hearing both sides would make more sense to me.

I know it reminds me of Al at the nursing home. He has most of his mind and hates it when the facility tells him what they think he should be able to have in his own room. They come to me and tell me to remove this or that. I thought Al was an adult and he pays a heap of money to have half that room.

Should we as the younger generation make their decisions for them? Is there  a line that should not be crossed as long as the elderly are behaving with an alert mind?

My other neighbor, now I feel real sorry for her. She has Parkinson’s like Al does, but the only thing I notice is some slight shaking. I don’t believe she is as advanced as Al is. She has many more medical issues than my other neighbor. She goes to the doctor quite frequently. She is able to walk but tires easily. She lives alone also and fixes her own meals.

There are many times she may nibble on a bite here or there for a meal. She claims she just isn’t that hungry. Now her family is involved in a different way. If there is a vacation they insist that Mom goes along.

I have heard the neighbor tell her family she really doesn’t want to go on these trips. They tire her and she would rather rest in her own bed at night. They take no for an answer. When it comes to things around the house they aren’t there for her.

She tells me constantly that her grandkids don’t have time for her. They never come to see her. No one in her family mows her tiny yard. My son mows it and I wonder if it would be knee-high if he didn’t do this for her.

She weeps when my son finishes because she says she is ashamed that her family won’t help. So this family insists that if there are reunions, birthdays or vacations, Mom has to go. No ifs ands or buts.

I know how I feel when I am stressed out about Al. It takes everything I have inside to sometimes go visit. Not that I don’t want to see him, but I hate how I allow his emotions to suck me in. Pity takes over and a sadness looms over me.

When I don’t feel well, I sure wouldn’t mind a phone call or a knock at the door knowing someone cares enough to check on me. I don’t want to go out and socialize when I am under the weather.

We are all going to get old some day. Have you thought about what you want to have happen or not to happen? Do you want your finances taken over by your children? Who is going to take care of yard maintenance if you can’t do it?

Will you want to lean on your grandkids because they are family? Or will you and I look at them as they have their own lives to live and don’t want to bother with the old people. It is something to think about.

I know I do. I wonder how it will work out if I have to go live with my daughter one day. Will it be a problem with it being long-term? Will I interrupt their marriage? Will I try to run their lives like I did my own? Will I be able to adjust? Will they, when it is longer than a vacation?

I know that I don’t have the funds to live in an assisted living facility. I didn’t  plan when I was younger. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mommy, and therefore I do not have this nice retirement today. I live month to month and hope for God to take care of what I can not.

I wish I would have thought things out when I was younger, but I don’t think many young people, newly married people, actually think about getting old. There are no retirements today like our parents had. 401’s are not secure, and stocks are like roller coaster. Maybe I should have done like our fore fathers did and hid my money under my old mattress. Keep a shot-gun beside my bed, and a guard dog outside my front door.

I don’t know what the answers are today. I  just see what my neighbors go through and they are only two of millions. I wonder what their stories are……………

40 thoughts on “We Are Going To Be Elderly One Day

  1. So many questions and not one answer that will fit every situation. It is so important to have these discussions with loved ones so at least there is a level of understanding between the older and younger generations. And, of course, whenever possible to be involved with the elderly individuals in your life. As you say, we will all be old someday and we need to treat our elders as we want to be treated when we are their age.

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  2. When society is of individuals, and families doesn’t exists state is your parent always, from birth to death , so necessities are taken care of wants are neer not the list, so love, kindness and togetherness..is all on the luxury items list.

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    • that is sad, These people were somebody’s parents. They worked hard for a good life for their children. It is so sad to get ignored and be put on the bottom of the list with love, kindness, and togetherness. It is wrong in my eyes. If I was the elderly I would feel in the way and wish to die

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      • that is true..but as I can see..degeneration of relationships is drastically happening…sad but true..what can bring back disappeared values..when father was not “an old man” he had respect in our eyes..mother was loved for her kindness and we treasured her ..till she died.

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      • I am glad to see that you respected your parents. it would be hard to bring back what once was, but with posts like this and comments like yours, i am giving people something to think about

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  3. We teach our kids to respect, help, and learn from the elderly. I feel there is so much to learn from them, if we sit and listen, and not brush them off. I’m proud to say that my in-laws are in there 70’s and continue to bless our family with every fiber of there soul…

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    • and this is what I love to hear. In some countries the elderly are more cherished. Here it seems they are ignored and pushed aside, as we are too busy. Too busy for the ones who brought us into this world? too busy for the ones who worked hard to give us the life we have? It is crazy

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  4. I look up to the elderly people are wise because of their wisdom. The saddest part is the children doesn’t have awareness of caring their elderly parents. The government need to address this issue. Our culture emphasize the importance of filial piety.
    You and Al are still in my prayer

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  5. I think many elderly people allow their children & grandchildren to take advantage of them financially because they fear loneliness. “If I say ‘no’, they’ll stop calling.” “If I try to assert my independence, they’ll stop coming to visit.”

    My family is a prime example of this. Our mother is 85. Although not wealthy, she is financially comfortable, and my brother & sister-in-law play her like a fiddle. They’ll say to her: “I saw xxx at the store and it cost $xxx. If I had $xxx, I’d buy it.” And my mother immediately grabs for her purse to give them the specified amount, often hundreds of dollars at a time. Never mind that both my brother and his wife have good, secure jobs and make nearly six figures between them. My mother caters to their every whim because she fears abandonment if she does not comply.

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    • I can understand your mother’s feelings of lonliness, but when the time comes and she is no longer able to live on her own, or her health becomes bad, I hope her money is there to comfort her, as the state is not a nice place to be counting on for any luxuries at all.

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  6. With what happened recently was a wake up call for all of us, now my children I think for the first time see me as an “old” person. They want to do everything for me, which I appreciate it but I am not senile ~ yet! Now we are treading on new ground and once I allowed them to take part of the major decisions that need to be made, we are working together. They know my wishes and I know what they would like for me, so that in the yrs down the road I can rest easy knowing what they do will be for my best interest and to also ease their pain at having to become the parent to their mother. People are living longer and it is wise to work together now for inevitable.

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    • and the time to do it is like you are, now, not later, not ignoring or pushing aside the thought of getting old. we are going to get old. we can’t fight it. it is nature. it is important that children be involved, know their parents wishes, and yet respect should be a high priority. you are not senile by far, but letting your children develop good habits for when you are is important also. always let them know what you are capable of doing and in the same conversation let them know what and when you need more help

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      • open communication is indeed important and I am thankful that my children are more than willing to take care of me.

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  7. I also often think about growing old. My neighbors are both in their late eighties,early nineties, and both have cancer. They both still live in their own house, and I often wonder why they dont sell up and move into a special care old age home, but the choice is theirs of course. I feel so sorry for your neighbour and how you described that her family don’t take no for an answer…that is really sad.
    *hugs for you my friend*

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    • giving up independence is a terribly hard thing to do as we grow older. this is their home, they grew a family here. there memories are there. it is so important that you or their children keep good checks on them to make sure they are properly living and eating. I know many older people who need help and yet die in their own homes from lack of heat or good nutrition. and all because they didn’t want to give up what was theirs and live in a strange home. most elderly know that once they go into an assisted or long term facility, their freedom is over and they are left there to die and so many are left alone because family and friends don’t visit or barely visit because it is awkward. they are in a facility and no longer going to grandma’s house

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      • I so understand that. My neighbours are in contact all the time, and I notice their kids come to visit every weekend. But I will keep an eye on them for sure, Terry. 🙂

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      • I do the same with my neighbors here too. I think it makes them feel better and it only takes a moment of our time. You are a good woman my friend

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  8. words of enlightenment, don’t worry about retirement, this story deserves to be published, if i win the lottery any year, you can be sure i’ll make it happen. by the way, God listens to the best stories the greatest dreams the truest hearts, and you have all that it seems..amen.

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    • aww bless your heart for these kind words BW. It makes me feel so good to know you think it is worthy of being published. I sometimes wish it could be or someone would just take it and do it for me!! LOL

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  9. This is a question we all start thinking about once we are over 50 I think. Also I was thinking about it. I have learnt lots from my parents getting old and not being able to cope in the house anymore. I will try and find something suitable before I cannot do anything anymore, and not be shocked one day .. like oh this is it….. Luckily my mum is in a very good Christian home and is making new friends there now my dad is gone. When I am there I see all these old people who have physical difficulties not mentally. They can still have fun and I think they don’t laugh enough.
    I want to be a happy old woman, not moaning all the time, happy when my kids visit, but never forcing them or expecting them to do it all the time. I don’t want them to feel they have to help me. My sister has no children , so she couldn’t rely on them anyway, and that is the way I want to grow old.
    Anyway I will still be tap dancing with 100….. tapping granny I will be known as… watch the papers… and Youtube…. 🙂

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  10. I think I’m just going to live in a tent if I get to be ‘elderly’ someday 🙂 Seriously, I know what you mean with this. No idea how it’s all supposed to work out but I know there’s gotta be a way, somehow.

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    • For me, being older than you, I wish I would have worked at the plan for getting older when I was younger. I do know one thing, we can’t go on guaranteed free of medical problems as we age and that is the biggest money snatcher there is

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  11. I took care of my Mom … who was bedridden for ten years, with nursing help. My Dad had always been frugal and economical and how he managed to have the funds to pay for their own way … I don’t know.
    When my Mom passed away, Dad went to an excellent ALF in Puerto Rico. He was as happy as he could under the circumstances.
    These situations taught me how to prepare for when my time comes which is not that far off. I sure hope that my Dad taught me well!! 🙂

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    • I think if medical problems did not come with old age, we could have a much nice set of golden years, but alas, medical means high dollars, and I have seen plenty of elderly have lots of money and lose their home and their money in a matter of months. it is so sad our elderly are not provided a better umbrella to fall under. I hope that your life later will be as you want it to be

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  12. Maybe most people the age of you and I think about getting older, and I agree with you that doing what we can to prepare for it along with total trust that God will take care of the rest is essential. Wish I had a crystal ball, lol!

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    • I do and I don’t. What if I found out something bad is going to happen. It would ruin my living now, but what if it was something fantastic. it would brighten my each and every day. All I know, is that whatever happens God will be there in the end

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  13. My husband and I are facing this reality. He is 70; I will soon be 66. Because of his accident last summer, his health and strength have been completely altered. Two of our sons live far away. One is thinking of moving to the UK. My daughter and her husband are very much involved, but we, of course, don’t want to be a burden to them. Questions, lots of questions. Not so many answers.

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    • that is the biggest problem with growing older. We grow and live our lives and then boom, one day everything changes, we are older, have medical problems, our bodies become weaker and falls occur. we realize that we need help and that life is turning into a new chapter

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