When you’re unwell, do you allow others to take care of you,
or do you prefer to soldier on alone? What does it take for you to ask
Photographers, artists, poets: show us HELP.
It seems this has been a day for answers. I have waited and fought my way through the systems for a few months now. I started the process of bringing my brother back home clear back in February.
When I work so hard to help another soul, I tend to put my problems in a basket and shove it in the corner. I always think to myself, Oh Terry, you don’t have it near as bad as Tom, Dick or Mary Sue. Just wait ….you can deal with it later.
But this year seems to bring more issues that deal with Al and involve me involuntarily. I have begun to feel like these problems, this illness is all mine. I live it, feel it and have come to you over and over for a soft pillow to fall on to.
Today I got the word from the Ombudsman that I have been working with for a couple of months. I got the special call from the Waiver department, stating Al may possibly be coming home next week.
The one other issue that I have been dealing with gets on my nerves so bad. I have to deal with it; but constantly waiting for the call-back really makes my skin crawl. Hopefully tomorrow that issue will be handled also. Of course it has to do with Al too.
The worst thing that I deal with is humility. I just hate begging. I was taught that I made my bed, now I can just lie in it.
Well this isn’t always the truth when you are a caregiver for a family member. Sometimes their problems become your priorities. This is the one time this has happened. Al’s bill or debt as we are all familiar with this term has become my priority.
It killed me emotionally. It brought tears to my eyes that you would think I can not get things done or work things out. That I had to come to you begging and letting you know I can’t make all things right was the hardest thing I have had to post about yet.
If I am ill, like I was last January, I was sick for one month. I didn’t venture out of the house except for doctor visits. I felt like I was going to die. I was weak and some days I could barely get off the floor.
I blogged about it, but I never asked for help of anyone. I prayed and let God hear all my concerns.
I just don’t want to bother anyone. I know there are so many others so much worse off than me. Sure life is stressful. Al isn’t easy to take care of. But, we each have two arms, and two legs, and there are others in this world who have less.
I am not rich, I am poor, but there are people even more poor than me because I do have a roof over my head.
So, you know things have to be tough or I have reached the end of the road and have no way out except listen to God and do what he tells me. I would rather hide everything bad that has to do with my days under a bushel and ask God to let it shine.
I guess when it is all said and done, I am a soldier alone. Trying to make things work from my ideas and monies I have. If I feel like I or Al are going to drown, I will make my concerns public.
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