It has taken me so long to get up the strength to write you this letter. Today, is Father’s Day and while many are celebrating I was not. Instead I spent the afternoon with your son, my brother at the nursing home.
He isn’t doing well Daddy. He is wanting to die and he wants to do it at home. I hope you understand why I placed him for these past few months. I just felt I couldn’t give him all he needed. I felt like he needed more than just my help. I do hope you understand.
I have missed you so much. It is so hard to believe that you have been gone six years this December. Where has the time gone? I guess when I look back I mourned for years. I think if I admit it I am still mourning for you today.
Right after you had your burial, Al had a heart attack. The doctors said that he had so much trouble expressing himself, his heart just couldn’t take what had happened. Ever since then Daddy I have been taking care of him. I promised you I would and I haven’t let you down.
I have been alright I guess. I have never been able to fill the void of you being gone, but I survive. I think of you at least once every day. I always tell myself that you watch over me. I can see you and Mom holding hands and looking down on Al and me.
Are you smiling? I know I disappointed you in so many ways and I am sorry, but I hope you are proud of me now. I have worked real hard at being the good girl you could smile down upon.
I bought a sketch pad today and some charcoal and sketch pencils. You remember Daddy? How you and I used to draw together? I am going to give it a shot without you. Every sketch I make will be done through my love for you.
Al is coming home this week and he says he is wanting to see you and Mom real bad. He says he misses you both and Granddad too. He told me Mom has said she is saving a spot for him, will you save a spot for me too?
You know that once Al is gone it will be me left from the family. Hold a spot close up there in heaven. I don’t want to be separated from the family ever again.
I miss you so much and I love you as much today as when I held you in my arms while you drifted off to heaven. I didn’t get to tell you enough how much I love you. I am hoping that while your spirit was rising that early morning that you heard me whispering in your ear that I love you and you were the best Daddy a girl could have.
Well, I better close for now before I start crying again. Give Mom a hug and a kiss for me and I shall see you both soon.
Your little girl,
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A beautiful letter, Terry
thank you Alastair. I miss him like most kids do
I can imagine.
Thank you for sharing something so personal and beautiful Terry. He hears you my friend.
I always believe he does, even if others say he can’t
Thank you so much for such a wonder full and loving message. It has made my day better.
Again thank you!
I am happy that I have made someone’s day better. I didn’t know I could do that by writing this. thank you for letting me know
Beautiful, Terry. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
you are so welcome my friend!
Very touching letter!!
What’s On The List
thanks so much my friend
Beautiful yet sad letter
Sobs and hugs to you 😦
I am happy that you enjoyed my post Yoshiko
You are welcome, Terry
A beautiful letter Terry! Everyone misses their parents. Some even miss them when they are still alive. I rarely see my dad and I miss him so much. I have always had mixed feelings about him, but he is my dad and I love him. I just wish he could have had the strength to be the dad I wanted him to be when I was little. He held us kids at a distance so he didn’t pass on all the bad things that happened to him as a kid. Now he is free from that and is the way I wish he was when I was a kid with his grandkids.
I can understand what you are saying. We don’t know the reasons why parents do or don’t do or act in certain ways. If only we could read their minds as children. Do you have a relationship with him today?
Not like I would like to have. He spends so much time helping my older sister that it leaves him so little time for the rest of us kids. When I do see him he asks me how I am and gives me a hug or two. It is more than I ever got as a kid so I am taking what I can get and trying to be content with it.
I would take it too and then wonder and hope for more with tears
I have found writing gives us that closeness we miss…It’s like they are right there with us…hope you had this feeling…
you are right, I felt so close to him it was as if he was sitting here with me
Very touching, my friend. Big hug!
Good evening Terry,
I love to read this post. For me this post remind me to my Dad and my Mom who live about 4 hours from my place here. My Dad lives in Sukabumi, in work day I live in Bekasi near my working place.
I have write about this in my blog in this link http://sisihidupku.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/salam-kangen-untuk-bapa-dan-ema/
I write it in Indonesian language. Kangen mean Miss. Bapa mean Dad. Ema mean Mom.
Pls do check that post if you don’t mind.
ps. Sorry, my poor English.
don’t worry about your English, I can make it out! I am glad I wrote something that you could relate to in your personal life. That makes me happy
I’m still playing catch-up after getting my internet back on Monday, and I’m reading so many lovely Father’s Day posts. What a blessing! Thanks for sharing this, Terry.
thanks for taking the time to read this. I am sure you have a lot of catch-up!