On That Friday Afternoon

I have sort of stayed a way from WP the past two days. I began writing today. I wrote a couple of posts so that I could ease into writing this one.

People always told me that God will reveal everything in his perfect time. I remember just a short time ago when I blogged about the cross necklace appearing in my hand when I was awakened by something urging me to wake up. I know how it got there. It could have been no one other than God. That necklace had been in my jewelry box for almost two years.

Do you remember me telling you that Al was to go to a new Neurologist on this past Friday? I didn’t really want him to go. We had a neuro for some time and I was content with his words that he had done everything he could for Al, but he would remain a PRN doctor, as needed.

The weekend that Al had tried to harm himself the Psyche doctor wanted Al to have a second opinion. To say the least I fought it tooth and nail. What a waste of time I thought. But after speaking to a friend about it, I was reminded that it couldn’t hurt to have a second thought from another professional with many more years experience on him.

Well I met Al over at the doctor’s office Friday afternoon. I hadn’t remembered it but we had seen this doctor  not long after Al had his heart attack. The doctor remembered Al and let us know we had been there prior.

He had so many reports from doctors and ER visits plus Al’s visit prior. He did a thorough exam and then asked me to come to his office. He left Al sitting in the waiting room while the two of us spoke.

He told me he had suspected Al had PD way back when and was amazed at how Al had declined in these few years. He added some more information to Al’s file and diagnosis and then asked me when Al was coming home. He asked me lots of questions.

When it was all done and the room became quiet, he began writing. He handed me one script. He added that there was no medications to give Al as there was nothing more to do. When I took the script from him and read it said, flashing starHospice to be involved. High risk of aspiration.

I looked at him and said,” I have tried to get hospice involved before, but they always say the same thing, there is no ending date for Parkinson’s Disease.

He looked at me and said, “now there is.”

Silence filled the room and I stared at him. He said, “Al is pretty bad. His heart has taken a big toll. I have all of the reports here that confirm it. His central nervous system is out of whack. His next step will be aspiration. You need Hospice now.”

“But you must have six months or less before Hospice will take over.”

“He does have six months or less.”

Tears filled my eyes and I sat there weeping until I could go get Al with dry eyes. As I pushed him out of the office and down the long ramp, everything became clear. God was revealing to me so many things.

1. Al went to the nursing home so I could have a break. God knew that now Al could come home because I have had enough rest I can carry this out to the end.

2. I knew exactly why I had taken the foolish move to Florida. It was for Al, I was able to give him some of his best years of his life doing things he had never done before.

3. I had tried so hard to get a job but couldn’t land one for the life of me. Now I saw, my time will come to work, I need to be here for Al for a while longer.

4. The heavy sweating, the constant tears, the struggling to eat and swallow. The internal tremors, the trips to the ER, everything became clear.

God has been letting me know by all the signs that he was going to take Al home. God knows that Al doesn’t want to die at the nursing home, so now he has perfected the timing and is sending him home. Everything is clear. I can see God’s plan.

Friday of this week Al comes home. He will get his wish and be able to stay here for the rest of his life.

The doctor, specialist, that I fought so hard to not go, was something God knew that I needed to do. The questions that I had asked for so many months, God knew that I would get all of my answers on that Friday afternoon.

52 thoughts on “On That Friday Afternoon

  1. What a bittersweet visit. I love you and i know God will continue to cover you and Al with His love. We (your WordPress family) are praying for both of you; you have touched our hearts.


    • thank you for you warm words Diana. It is still a soft hurting spot in my heart to know my brother’s life may come to an end sooner than later, but God knows best and all I can do now is make sure Al is comfortable once he comes home. Thank you for the prayers. I really appreciate them


  2. Heaven waits with anticipation, no more sorrow, no more pain, no more tears, a time for Al to be everything he will be.
    We love you Terry, and you have given us an opportunity to know Al and that is something special my friend. God bless you both, you have both touched so many that you do not even know the way that God has used you both my friend!
    Prayers for your strength and ease for Al.


    • It brings me some relief knowing Al will no longer be in terrible pain every day. I am trying so very hard not to be selfish but I am struggling with this. thank you Loopy, your words touch my heart and I cling to the no more sorrow, no more pain, no more tears………


  3. Sorry to hear this news, Terry, but it’s the best news in many ways.

    It’s honest and pragmatic. It gives you the Black and White truth of Al’s health. There are no more ‘greys’ or ‘what ifs’. There are no more ‘maybe/s’.

    Al’s time on this earth is coming to a close and it will be a Blessing to release him from his suffering,pain and frustration. The most important thing at the moment is for you to make his remaining days comfortable and afterwards you must move on and concentrate on yourself and improving your own emotional issues.

    Life is meant to be lived, not suffered through. Live in the Moment and treasure every day for what it is.


    • I must still be hurting from the news, as I read this tears fell. I am going to do my best at making him comfortable and content. It will be so hard to give him up, but I am trying to cling to the fact that the pain he has suffered for so long now will be laid to rest. It’s going to be so hard…………….


      • Better to do the ‘tear falling’ now, than in front of Al and distress him.
        Remember you are in control of your mind and emotions, not anyone else, so it’s up to you to be strong in front of him.


  4. Terry, it is so beautiful to see your WordPress friends praying for you and Al and supporting you in this difficult time. I am proud to be counted among them. You have a beautiful soul. Your dedication to Al and to God blesses me greatly. Please know that you are both in my prayers.


      • Terry,you will walk through this with the love of your family and the love of your friends. I know how it is to lose like this. I have suffered much of it in my lifetime. You will go through it….it will be hard….but, you have God with you, and He will bring to you people that will minister to your heart along the way. I am always here to talk to whenever you need. Love you, Sweet Sister.


  5. I am so sorry to hear about Al’s condition; but I am thankful the Lord has helped to show you His workings in your life all along. Please keep in mind, just as He has been with you in the past working out everything for your and Al’s good, He will continue to do so in the troublesome days ahead.

    Lord bless you my friend.


  6. What news, now you are giving AL the best he can have, love, family , care. That is all what counts, don’t count days of his life, doctors don’t know that much. Enjoy every day you have together!


  7. My dear Terry, I am so sorry that you are going through this. You can definitely see the orchestration of God’s hand in every detail as preparations have begun to unfold for Al to spend this time with you before he is able to go to his true home & meet our Lord Jesus face to face, have a new body, with no sickness or disease. How wonderful will that be? “Father, thank You for this time of rest for Terry, so that she may gain strength both physically & emotionally. As Terry keeps her mind on You, may You, as it says in Isaiah 26:3, keep her in perfect peace. May Terry know that as Psalm 37:23 says, You are interested in every detail of her life. Minister to Terry right now, right where she is. May Your Holy Spirit, that Jesus speaks of in John 14:16, be Terry’s Comforter, Helper, Strengthener, and Counselor. May Your peace guard and protect her heart and mind. May her faith in You not faint, but may she hold on to it and use it as a shield and Your Word as a weapon against Satan if he tries to attack her heart and mind with lies. May Terry savor every moment that she has here on earth with her brother, Al, until the day they are reunited with You, in Jesus, name,amen.” Continuing to lift you both up Terry. Much love, Sheri : )


  8. Darling Terry, if we get the answers … and the truth, we can deal with it in a much better way.When the doctor told me about my mom … she said that it will go very quick, and they took away the oxygen. When I got that answer I became calm and I knew what to expect. Hospice give a fantastic care … at home and they will look after Al so well and he will be were he wants to be with you, that is all you can do for him .. and then look after yourself.
    We have life as a loan … and for Al will come to a far better place with no pain, anxiety and he will be with you in your heart, you should remember him with smiles and not tears. So sorry, for the news – but it’s the facts … and I know you will prepare yourself the best you can.
    Love you. Wivi


    • I think this is what is happening. I am trying to let all the information from Friday sink in to my thick head. So many things have been revealed to me now and I can do nothing but face the facts and go with the flow now. I am sure once I have digested it completely I will be alright, just like you are. love you too and big hugs


  9. I believe that God provides us with what we need, when we need it… and right now He is giving you the time with Al. My heart went out to you reading this. These precious few months will fly by before you know it but know this… Al knows that he is loved and cared for and you should know in your heart that you are doing everything you can for him <>


      • Al would remember the love that you have lavished on him in his cell memories, even when his brain can’t recognize or connect the dots, every single cell in his being would recognize and cherish that love that you give him every day. I am sure that deep down, no matter what, he knows how much you love and care for him.

        I wish I could do more than just this for you. Hugs my friend. May these days go easy on you.


      • I was thrilled to read this. To know that he will never forget that I love him and am his sister, is great news for me


  10. After reading this post, I wandered around the house and outside, trying to think of what to say or how to respond to your words here — I wanted to say something that would give you comfort and make it better. But nothing came to me except that I am praying for you and Al. I understand some of what you are going through, having lost a younger brother myself, but your journey with Al has been like no other — there can be no comparison. So, with flowing tears and a heart that goes out to you, I will just tell you that I am so glad Al will be coming home on Friday, that you are a wonderful sister to Al, and that my prayers are with you both.


    • this comment came straight from your heart. I can feel it through the words. I appreciate you as a person and consider you a friend. I am so appreciative of you always being here for me, thank you so much


  11. Pingback: The Truth Hurts | terry1954

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