Al and Hospice Meet


English: Hospice Journey's Logo

English: Hospice Journey’s Logo

I didn’t actually go to sleep that much earlier last night but I did wake up very early. Rhino, the cat was meowing at me and when I walked by him to use the bathroom he stuck out his paw as to tell me, get back in bed.

I did climb under the covers again but could not keep my peepers closed. In less than a half an hour, I got up. Rhino decided he had lost with me so he got up too. I made the coffee, brushed my teeth. Next I fed the cat and cleaned the kitty box.

I received a phone call earlier than I usually do. It was the facility letting me know that I was confused on the date Al was coming home. I had told them yesterday that he was coming home Thursday. Why, I don’t know. I explained that she was correct and I was wrong.

Then I received two wrong person calls. Then I got one more call from the lady who wanted me to be on the talk show. She told me it is going to be this coming Sunday for sure. I will try to get the web address if you would be interested in hearing me and the conversation.

I finally heard nothing from the phone. I had done everything I could find to do trying not to have to make the dreaded call to Hospice. I decided not to use the Hospice here in our county. I was very disappointed in them with the lack of care they gave to my father.

So I sat down and pushed the buttons and my stomach started to burn and crunch as I heard the other end of the voice say hello. It went too fast, this isn’t what I expected. In fact the whole process of everything in life is going to fast.

This company is on top of things and they are going to meet me tonight, yes tonight at 6pm with Al in his facility. This is leaving me no time to prepare emotionally. Part of me wants to cry at the first sad word heard, and the other part of me knows very well that for Al’s sake I will be there with a smile on my face and fake my way through this.

It is really happening, Al and Hospice are going to be formally introduced tonight. Maybe Hospice won’t think he needs their program……….But then I hear the doctor’s words from Friday, if they don’t accept him call me right a way, I will talk to them.

Well my gut is churning. I knew that it was time to eat lunch but I am not hungry. When I get upset I can go for ever without eating. I decided I would go in and eat supper with Al tonight. He will be happy about this and I will be there in case she is early.

I threw a salad together with some cut-up broccoli and pre-packaged salad, and tossed a sliced tomato and some shredded Colby cheese. Then I add Bacon Ranch dressing on top and forced myself to eat. I did eat half of it and I ate a kiwi too. This should tide me  over. I just hate eating when I am not hungry, but Diabetic pills don’t work if you don’t eat.

Wish me luck, say a prayer, give me a push, just let me do what is right and look at this is for Al so I need to quite being so selfish and wish things were different, because they are not.

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50 thoughts on “Al and Hospice Meet

  1. You’re in my thoughts … both of you – but it’s okay to be selfish. Good luck – and things are going to be just fine, they know all about this last stop … and they will do it so pleasant as they can for AL.

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      • Terry, Al doesn’t have a quality life as it’s now … and you have to have that in mind, it’s time for him to leave .. and he will be on a much better place – I’m not strong, but I don’t want to keep my mom from leaving because I want her to be around in my world, she was tired and she wanted to go. You have been a fantastic sister – you have done all you can for Al. And he will be with you to the end now – that is a the best gift you can give him.
        If it had been our pets … we would have let them go, I’m blunt now ..

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      • I understand what you are saying my friend, I really do. Thank u for being blunt with me. I needed it and I know you are speaking the truth and from your heart

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  2. It is not selfish to wish things were different. We all wish this was different. I’ll be thinking of you both at this very difficult time but I’m sure you are doing the best thing for Al.

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  3. It is sad that your Hospice experience with your dad was a bad one. You may know that I started a Hospice in Vic’s honour. It is scary that people really don’t embrace Hospice. e enhances quality of life and it is a fact that patients under Hospice Care live an average of 29 days longer than patients who aren’t! I wish you well dear Terry. It is a difficult road you are travelling. I hope that Hospice will ease the burden. Lots of love.

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  4. It’s for both of you and not selfish. It is a wise choice. They can take care of him and also allow you quality time to just “be” with him verses having to worry. It’s the next part of the journey Terry, but I know you know that. My prayers and heart go out to you.

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  5. Dearest Terry, I’ve not been online very much lately and didn’t know you and Al had arrived at this juncture. I’m so sorry, dear friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you both! xoxoM

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  6. Pingback: Hospice – friend or foe? | tersia burger

      • I’m not sure how to answer this. The process was entirely about Dad, what he needed and wanted, according to his Living Will.

        Dad’s body was shutting down, us keeping him alive by artificial means was clearly against his wishes (something he had told us throughout our lifetimes he did not want to be kept alive if it was his time to die.)

        I am at peace. Hugs, dear one, hugs.

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      • I am proud that you went with your Dad’s wishes, although I know how painful it was to watch the process. I feel like Al has some life left to him but it isn’t too many days. There are days where he jabbers a way and smiles, but they are far and few between

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  7. Terry – I am so sorry for your pain. With my own grief right now I have not been here for you and I am sorry you need your friends with you now and please count me as one. I am here for you and praying for your meeting. My heart cries along with you and although we are separated by the miles and have never formally met, we are sisters in Christ and I am here for you. Please email me anytime I have very broad shoulders and strong arms to carry you through this time. Hugs dear friend.

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    • for you to be here for me I know it is true in your heart. I realize that you are filled with your own sorrow. Please take time to heal, and bless you for being a great friend of mine

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  8. Treasure the good and valuable things that Al has taught you which is making you a better person. Reflect on your journey with Al that has taught you what things should be treasured or are truly important and what is not so important.
    Cherish the moments!
    Praying daily for you and Al.

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  9. Rhino is taking good care of you, Terry, and Granny and I purraying for everything you need right now. I think you can use some extra Pawkisses right now, so here they come… 🙂
    From now on I send you daily and extra dose of Pawkisses. Hang in there, okay?!

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