Does fear cause more damage than being alert to the immediate situation? I am thinking that it does to some point. Like a young tree being planted and its delicate roots taking hold and branching out; fear can also branch out in our mind and play havoc at later times.
Although I realize that the M.S.A. is responsible for anything that is happening out of the normal for him, it still places the fear in me. It doesn’t help really that I know this could be the last chapters of Al’s life. It doesn’t even really matter that I have not seen this happen not once but now three times, I became afraid for him.
We had a fairly good day yesterday. He was a little crabby but he gets so frustrated. He hates it that he wets himself. He detest that he has to struggle to eat. His foot remained swollen all day and by evening the first signals were given to me.
The terrible sweats. He reminds me of someone who just got out of the shower and hasn’t dried off yet when he sweats. He started complaining about pain in the upper right side of his stomach. Then the number game started. One being the lowest and it rose to five.
I tried three times to put him to bed but he was so weak and my weakness became much more clear when I couldn’t get him in bed. I had to finally call Hospice and they sent help here.
I will be so glad to go to the Day Program tomorrow morning and speak to the manager and get these hours started for help to come in. I have been footing the entire bill since he came home Friday. I have had no help and if you need verification of this; just ask my neck and arms.
The company brought him a transport chair. I like this but the front wheels turn in all directions too often. I end up having to back him up and go forward to just get him over the carpet trim. He gets frustrated and so do I.
The nurse showed up and helped me to put him in bed. She checked him over and called her supervisor. The plan was to give him stronger pain medications and let the internal tremors have their party inside his chest while he slept through it.
But God knew that Al was tired. As soon as we got him comfy he fell asleep within minutes. He did look at the nurse and I could tell he was trying to tell her thank-you for showing up. She brought him an inner peace and God took care of the rest.
- Fear of the unknown (beatensub.wordpress.com)
- Fear (loveyourselfagain.com)
- Fear’s Anatomy (excitementandgrowth.com)
- The Sadness of Small Losses (thewatergipsy.wordpress.com)
- 7 Ways To Conquer The Fear Of Asking (habitline.org)
- Are You Dealing With Fear? (conderidge.wordpress.com)
- fear (tametoronto.wordpress.com)
- Fearlessness is not the same as the absence of fear (sethgodin.typepad.com)
- The Importance of Fear (samandro22.wordpress.com)
- the fear (theforestchasm.wordpress.com)