Does fear cause more damage than being alert to the immediate situation? I am thinking that it does to some point. Like a young tree being planted and its delicate roots taking hold and branching out; fear can also branch out in our mind and play havoc at later times.
Last night the fear that I have carried since Al came home would be that he would have one of those internal attacks with me. The second day home he did.
Although I realize that the M.S.A. is responsible for anything that is happening out of the normal for him, it still places the fear in me. It doesn’t help really that I know this could be the last chapters of Al’s life. It doesn’t even really matter that I have not seen this happen not once but now three times, I became afraid for him.
We had a fairly good day yesterday. He was a little crabby but he gets so frustrated. He hates it that he wets himself. He detest that he has to struggle to eat. His foot remained swollen all day and by evening the first signals were given to me.
The terrible sweats. He reminds me of someone who just got out of the shower and hasn’t dried off yet when he sweats. He started complaining about pain in the upper right side of his stomach. Then the number game started. One being the lowest and it rose to five.
I tried three times to put him to bed but he was so weak and my weakness became much more clear when I couldn’t get him in bed. I had to finally call Hospice and they sent help here.
I will be so glad to go to the Day Program tomorrow morning and speak to the manager and get these hours started for help to come in. I have been footing the entire bill since he came home Friday. I have had no help and if you need verification of this; just ask my neck and arms.
The company brought him a transport chair. I like this but the front wheels turn in all directions too often. I end up having to back him up and go forward to just get him over the carpet trim. He gets frustrated and so do I.
So hopefully Spider
man will save the day starting tomorrow.
The nurse showed up and helped me to put him in bed. She checked him over and called her supervisor. The plan was to give him stronger pain medications and let the internal tremors have their party inside his chest while he slept through it.
But God knew that Al was tired. As soon as we got him comfy he fell asleep within minutes. He did look at the nurse and I could tell he was trying to tell her thank-you for showing up. She brought him an inner peace and God took care of the rest.
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Who I am 
Since Al gets upset when he wets himself would you consider ‘adult depends’ I know some hate the thought of these but at least he would be only wet in one area…and not his whole body. I know someone close to me has to use these sometimes because of prostate problems that surface occasionally and they do save a lot of embarrassment…. Diane
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Al has a big prostrate so we have that problem. he does use adult briefs, but they aren’t big enough nor strong enough. today the hospice company is sending tab type briefs instead of pull ups and a different wheel chair. hopefully this will help
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Al is trying hard for you and I do hope that the lady from hospice are helpful. It cannot be easy to get a grown man into bed on your own. I do hope you have tme for yourself and rest as well , as you working harder now, and you do need to look after yourself too!
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I get up pretty early so I can feed the cat, clean the cat box, make the coffee and hope to get one cup before he arises. I have been on the go from day break to dark both days. I will be so thankful for the help, I can’t wait until they start!!!! LOL
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God bless you Terry! Most humans would have given into their frustrations and let everything go wrong. It’s good that you called in help when you knew you needed it. And it is also good that the call was answered. It’s not Spiderman that is coming to the rescue. It’s God. God is helping you get through this and providing it in the care of hospice.
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you are right Cat. It is God. God is giving me strength to go on through my bad feet and my aching body right now. God will make sure help is on it’s way through the health aides. I have diabetic neuropathy in my feet and oh wow have they burned yesterday and today from pushing the wheel chair and racing around doing what ever needs done for him. I hope tomorrow morning I hear help is being scheduled
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unfortunately this was to be expected. so glad you can call hospice and get the help you need. that is certainly an improvement. to have caring people who show up is not something you can put a price on. sorry this is so hard for you.
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it is hard, but worth every effort, but it will be easier once help arrives this week. no help on the weekends is so common, right???? hehe
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sounds as though Hospice is the answer…I see my sister having to have this pretty soon with her husband…she is quite exhausted mentally and physically…God Bless you both …
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oh Marilyn, I am sorry to hear this. While I admit Hospice is wonderful, I hate it when people have to use it
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I’m so glad Al is home with you. I know it won’t be easy, but it wasn’t necessarily easy having him at the place either. t think you are both happier with this arrangement. I’ll be thinking of you both.
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what ever it takes it will be worth it here at home together. i will always be here for him. You are so right, the other place wasn’t good for him
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Poor Al. Hugs to you and be strong, Al
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thanks so much my friend
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Most welcome, my friend
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The help will be invaluable, and I hope it gets there soon! It doesn’t sound like you are weak so much as Al is a full grown man who is unable to help you much in his own care, and you do not have the build of a linebacker. Once Hospice and the care team is fully in place, it will lift a lot of the burden off of you so that you have more strength and time to enjoy just being with Al. Hopes and prayers are for that to happen soon for you!
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well some of the help did arrive this morning. Al finally got his shower!!! He felt so much better. She will come T, F, and S for his showers. This helps a lot!
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Wonderful!
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