Al Fell


These past few days Al has been getting regular doses of pain medication. Along with his pain patch he has seemed to feel a bit better.

In fact his pain level is low enough, that he has become bold. His neck stays up a little longer. He reaches down to pick something up off the floor. He has tried letting loose of a stable object and try walking.

I have had many occasions with him where I have been able to talk to him about the dangers he is putting his body in. Bending over without the brakes on the wheelchair being locked is a big no-no and I have told him so.

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing him in less pain. I love seeing him a bit more like his old self, but the fact is; he is still very sick. The illness hasn’t declined, it is only hidden by our infamous pharmacy companies help.

Al is blind sighted by this and it has scared me for a while now. This morning he slept in until I finally woke him because of medication times being very important. He ate good. I think his appetite has picked up some. I appreciate this although I hate to see him put any of his loss of weight back on.

After breakfast I washed him up and got him dressed. He brushed his teeth and I shaved him and trimmed up his mustache. He then wanted to sit in his lift chair. I got him located properly for transfer and locked his brake.

I stayed near him and watched carefully as he stood up and transferred the two steps needed to get in the chair. After the first step everything changed. He let loose of  his support and down he went.

He hit the floor with a big thud. I actually felt the floor shake under me. As he was falling my brain kicked in. I couldn’t stop the fall but I did reach out and grab his shirt and hung on for dear life.

I think it saved him from injuring himself on the container that holds his briefs, liners and pads. I hate myself when I can’t stop it from happening. I just couldn’t grab him fast enough. I checked him out and saw no blood or damages. I helped him back in the lift chair and I could see that he was very shaken up.

I didn’t want to cause more emotional damage but I had to throw in the remark that he needs to somehow come to terms with his illness. He has to admit it at least to himself that his body is sick and very weak.

He told me that he forgot, which maybe he did. I think our minds are used to doing what has come normal for many years. Walking, talking and breathing. When the body becomes sick and weak and these things we are used to doing without thinking become a struggle, maybe our minds don’t want to admit we are changing.

Maybe there is a part of Al which is desperately trying to prove the illness wrong. I don’t know. I know that I can convince my mind thoughts of things that aren’t quite as they seem, so I assume Al can too.

I had to call the Hospice nurse and she came and checked him out and made a report on him. His blood pressure was low she said. It was 85/58. When she told me this I knew that this could be a large tribute to why he may have fallen.

I will be watching more carefully when he rises from a sitting position, making sure he is steady before that first step. Al has been complaining periodically about blurred and double vision. I wonder if his low blood pressure has anything to do with it. Or maybe it is a side effect from his illness or the fact that he is taking one of the pain medications on a more regular basis.

Tonight after supper, which he ate really well, I washed him up and changed his brief. I helped him get in his lift chair and he seemed to be more careful and cautious. When he was seated and comfy he looked at me and asked, “I am so tired of being sick, when is God going to get me out of this and take me home?”

Al July 4th

61 thoughts on “Al Fell

    • He is alright but he just can’t figure out why this is all happening to him. He wants to know what he did to deserve it. No matter how many times I explain he did nothing, he doesn’t believe me. He has been quiet ever since his fall. I know his blood pressure can get much lower but I don’t like it this low

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      • Poor guy 😦

        I know what it’s like to have low blood pressure (the doctor asked me how the hell I was still standing up lol) I imagine with his retreating mind, he thinks everything is his fault

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      • does your BP run low on a regular basis? I guess for some this is alright as long as it is most of the time. You have an inner quality that is able to understand Al’s thoughts, because you are exactly right, he thinks every food spilled, every time he is slow, everything is his fault, or he will cuss Satan or his disease out

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  1. Terry, you can’t stop things like this to happen – they just happen .. and you can’t prevent the fall – how did you manage to get him up .. he is a big man.
    Low blood pressure is mostly likely .. the reason why he fell.
    I bet Al is tired of being sick .. can you imaging what is going on in his head at times. just like it did with my mom.
    F***, sorry for my Swedish … but life is so unfair.
    Thinking of you .. time for bed now. 02.13 am over here.

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    • thanks Vivi for stopping by my post at such a late hour. You are right, I can’t prevent the falls, but I try so hard to in spite of my lack of speed and thinking. He does want to die, just for the fact that he is sick of being sick. Hugs my friend, night

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      • Oh it was very hard getting him up. Had to get him on all fours and then pull very hard to a stand up position.

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  2. Thank God he wasn’t seriously hurt. :-/ I’m apt to believe that in this particular instance, it was the low BP that caused this particular fall. I have heard that somepain medications can affect the BP and added to the fact that he is less mobile now, probably exacerbated things. I just hope you’re doing alright as well. Sometimes these things tend to scare us a bit more when it happens than our actual loved one because we want nothing more than to protect them. Do remember to take care of yourself as well; both in mind and in body ♥♥♥

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    • Hi Kadeen, nice to chat with you. It did scare me, I will admit. He has been sleeping most of the time ever since the incident. I think it scared him too. I took a nap when he did. I just always seem to be tired, but I am getting up much earlier than I used to

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  3. If you don’t have one ask for or purchase a ‘gait belt’ this is a wide canvas type belt that you can put on Al and hold on to it while he is taking those steps to his chair or anywhere he needs to stand or walk, it gives you leverage to help him and keep him from going down. Now in defense of Al, I cannot compare what is going on with me with Al’s PD but I do know that I have three times now stepped out without my walker on my left knee and had it not been for my daughter and my grandson I would have gone down and probably injured my new knee and Lord knows I DO NOT want to go through another surgery, but it is as you said the mind does not recogonize that our bodies can not do as before illness or injury.
    Please take care of yourself and know you are admired for your strength courage and love.
    Prayers love and hugs my dear (((xx)))

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  4. “I am so tired of being sick, when is God going to get me out of this and take me home?” That is such a heartbreaking statement especially when as caregivers we feel so helpless sometimes when trying to comfort those in our care. Hoping for some kind of peace for both of you.

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  5. So scary, and hard to see happen — I’m glad there doesn’t seem to be any damage to Al. It is so good that Al is feeling better, although feeling better usually results in a person thinking they can do more than they actually are able to. You are a wonderful sister, Terry, and I hope Al’s spirits get better now that his body is feeling a bit better.

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    • I think that is exactly where Al is. He just thinks he is better because the pain is less, and some days I believe he refuses to think he illness is real. He has been sleeping quite a bit since the incident, but this is alright

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  6. *hugs* I know that had to be heartbreaking to hear him say he wants to go home with God. Have you told him its okay for him to go? He may be staying for you. I know you don’t want him to leave, but you can let him know you will be okay.

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    • last week I finally got the courage up to start letting him know he can go. I choked on my own words, but I have to let him know it is alright. I made him promise to save me a spot beside him and he said alright

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  7. Oh wow! I am glad Al is alright! I hope that he realizes that he did nothing to deserve this. God doesn’t give more to people than what they can handle. Boy do I know! Maybe God is waiting for Al to accept his illness? Or maybe there is still work yet for Al to do? Only God knows why and He will reveal His master plan in His glorious time.

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    • I can understand Al refusing to accept his illness, but I think Al would benefit more if he did. A lot of his issues would fall to the side. I don’t know what God’s plan is, but I know Al is tired of waiting

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    • although I want him to have the ability to move and feel better, there is a small part of me that wishes he was in bed more , only because he would be safer, that sounds selfish from me doesn’t it? Who wants to be bedridden?

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      • I don’t think it’s selfish, Terry. I think it’s realistic. No, no one wants to be bedridden. No way any of this is easy for either one of you.

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      • thank you for understanding what I was trying to express. The last thing I want for him is to be bedridden, but I do want him safe

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  8. Glad he is alright and you can not do anything about it. You are a wonderful caring sister for him. Keep going, to make his life still enjoyable as much as possible!

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    • thanks Ute. He is a pretty special guy in my eyes. I know in reality I could not do anymore for him when he fell, but I guess I just wish I could

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