Al Fell

These past few days Al has been getting regular doses of pain medication. Along with his pain patch he has seemed to feel a bit better.

In fact his pain level is low enough, that he has become bold. His neck stays up a little longer. He reaches down to pick something up off the floor. He has tried letting loose of a stable object and try walking.

I have had many occasions with him where I have been able to talk to him about the dangers he is putting his body in. Bending over without the brakes on the wheelchair being locked is a big no-no and I have told him so.

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing him in less pain. I love seeing him a bit more like his old self, but the fact is; he is still very sick. The illness hasn’t declined, it is only hidden by our infamous pharmacy companies help.

Al is blind sighted by this and it has scared me for a while now. This morning he slept in until I finally woke him because of medication times being very important. He ate good. I think his appetite has picked up some. I appreciate this although I hate to see him put any of his loss of weight back on.

After breakfast I washed him up and got him dressed. He brushed his teeth and I shaved him and trimmed up his mustache. He then wanted to sit in his lift chair. I got him located properly for transfer and locked his brake.

I stayed near him and watched carefully as he stood up and transferred the two steps needed to get in the chair. After the first step everything changed. He let loose of  his support and down he went.

He hit the floor with a big thud. I actually felt the floor shake under me. As he was falling my brain kicked in. I couldn’t stop the fall but I did reach out and grab his shirt and hung on for dear life.

I think it saved him from injuring himself on the container that holds his briefs, liners and pads. I hate myself when I can’t stop it from happening. I just couldn’t grab him fast enough. I checked him out and saw no blood or damages. I helped him back in the lift chair and I could see that he was very shaken up.

I didn’t want to cause more emotional damage but I had to throw in the remark that he needs to somehow come to terms with his illness. He has to admit it at least to himself that his body is sick and very weak.

He told me that he forgot, which maybe he did. I think our minds are used to doing what has come normal for many years. Walking, talking and breathing. When the body becomes sick and weak and these things we are used to doing without thinking become a struggle, maybe our minds don’t want to admit we are changing.

Maybe there is a part of Al which is desperately trying to prove the illness wrong. I don’t know. I know that I can convince my mind thoughts of things that aren’t quite as they seem, so I assume Al can too.

I had to call the Hospice nurse and she came and checked him out and made a report on him. His blood pressure was low she said. It was 85/58. When she told me this I knew that this could be a large tribute to why he may have fallen.

I will be watching more carefully when he rises from a sitting position, making sure he is steady before that first step. Al has been complaining periodically about blurred and double vision. I wonder if his low blood pressure has anything to do with it. Or maybe it is a side effect from his illness or the fact that he is taking one of the pain medications on a more regular basis.

Tonight after supper, which he ate really well, I washed him up and changed his brief. I helped him get in his lift chair and he seemed to be more careful and cautious. When he was seated and comfy he looked at me and asked, “I am so tired of being sick, when is God going to get me out of this and take me home?”

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