Which Choice Do I Make?


Although Al had a good day, you can see by different signs that he is sick. For example when I took his shoes and socks off for his nap, his feet are once again swollen. The other thing is he is still napping. He usually sleeps for a couple of hours. Sort of a catching up thing from his days.

Here it is 8:30 and I went into check on him. I actually jumped back and my heart began to beat very quickly.beating heart

There is one thing, no two things that you never see Al do anymore. Number one is; his head will not go back. You could force it all you wanted, (which I don’t), just saying you could and it would not move.

Al’s head was laying flat on the bed. His pillow had slipped out from him or he moved it.

Number 2; his entire body is calm. Absolutely not one tremor. In the shadows of the night all I could see was gray shadows around his face, bouncing back at him by the black shirt he is wearing.

Instantly my breath caught. I saw my brother as he will be when his time is up. I didn’t mean to see it, it was just there all out in the open. I immediately started to cry.

Then my mind snapped back into reality. I checked his breathing. Yes, he is breathing. He was so calm and relaxed I didn’t want to wake him. On the other hand I want to go to sleep tonight. I don’t know which choice to make, let him sleep or wake him up.

23 thoughts on “Which Choice Do I Make?

  1. Terry,

    If Al is peacefully at rest sleeping, his body relaxed, and he appears to be comfortable, then I, myself, would let him sleep. Perhaps this new medicine he is on is giving him relief ( you’re not use to seeing ) for a change. I understand how you may be concerned, but you can’t let your own physical or mental health decline in the process of caring for your brother. You can’t stand guard all through the nights wearing yourself down, that’s what God is there for. God is watching over you both, and things will unfold according to His plan. Maybe this episode was as much meant for you as it was for Al, where both of you are given a chance to relax and sleep without disturbances. You need to look for these positive signs like this to help you along. My heart goes out to you during this trying time in your life. I know all to well just how scary it can be. Just remember, you are an amazing caregiver, a loyal sister, and a trusting friend, and you will have the heart and courage it takes to pull through all that comes from this.

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    • because he looked so peaceful, I did let him continue to sleep until he let me know he was awake. I bet it is the increase of medications that made him sleep longer. He sleeps so much, sometimes it bothers me. But reading your comment put me at ease, as you are right, God is in control of all of this. Thanks and hugs my friend

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  2. Blessings to you Terry. Keep enjoying every time you have together – we should all be doing the same thing, it seems life keeps moving forward whether we want it to or not. Been dealing with a difficult situation of my own and trying to remember that God will take care of me, just as he will take care of you and Al too. He is always good. Hope you’re doing well, my friend.

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