Daily Archives: August 7, 2013
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I don’t know what my problem is but today I have been nasty. I am short on patience and… http://wp.me/s2g4Y2-24350
I don’t know what my problem is but today I have been nasty. I am short on patience and upset. I don’t know what about either. I know that last night Al‘s legs were so frozen that he couldn’t move at all.
After two attempts at trying to transfer, and…
Susan Boyle, Unchained Melody
Carpenters, Bless the Beasts and the Children
I Am Not Me Today
I don’t know what my problem is but today I have been nasty. I am short on patience and upset. I don’t know what about either. I know that last night Al‘s legs were so frozen that he couldn’t move at all.
After two attempts at trying to transfer, and almost tumbling to the floor, I had to force his body back in the wheelchair. He got so upset with me because I placed him back in his chair he grabbed a hold of my wrists and put the vice on them.
They hurt and I wanted to lash out at him verbally. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, “look at all I do for you! You have the nerve to hurt me after I saved you from falling 
and hurting yourself. How could you do this to me.”
Instead I did tell him that he hurt me. I explained to him why I put him back in his chair. I don’t know if he didn’t get it or didn’t want to hear what I was saying.
There was tension between the two of us as I placed him in bed last night. I told him goodnight but left out the important part I always say to him. The I love you part.
Why did I do that? To hurt him? To hurt him like he hurt me, wow, is that childish or not?
This morning my defenses were still up. We had a quiet breakfast. He ate in silence and I scurried around the house getting everything ready for his departure on the bus.
After he left I went about preparing a favorite supper of his. Why? If I am so upset, why did I do this? Why didn’t I just have hot dogs or some crap. But no, I fixed chicken drumsticks in BB sauce the way he likes. I made mac and cheese the way he likes it. I even made him Blueberry Cheesecake muffins and he had cottage cheese with pineapple on top, just the way he loves it.
When I was waiting for him to get off the bus this evening I was excited inside at the look or words he would say when he saw his King meal. But instead when he got off the bus, the hurt came back.
I took him inside and placed him at the table. We both ate in silence once again. He brushed his teeth. I washed him up and now he is napping.
What in the world am I doing and why? I have to stop this. I am the big sister, the healthier one. He is the younger sibling and the sick one.
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The Divided Sea
On one side of the sea there lived a young man in his twenties. All his life Ray‘s life had been a mess. He was born with a disease that kept him on the heavy side. His Thyroid didn’t work. It caused many trips to the hospital, blood test, discussions, and yet there was never a permanent cure.
Ray was made fun of from the first week of school. Fatty fatty two by four, can’t get through the bathroom door. This was one of the more common statements he heard. Kids pointed and giggled. Strangers stared. 
Ray spent much of his time in his room reading. He would read book after book. He charted on what he read and what he took from it. He would do anything that would keep him inside. He didn’t ride bikes, or skip rope or have friends over. No one invited him to birthday parties.
His parents hated seeing what he was suffering through; but they were calmed that he was doing so much in his books. Anytime his mom visited the local library, she would stock up on new reading for her son.
All of those years of studying led him to good grades, excellent study habits and a scholarship to the school of his choice. Ray decided to enter and his goal was to be a doctor. He wanted to help others who were facing challenges from a medical disease such as his.
Across the sea was a young lady in her twenties. She was born beautiful. Golden, curly locks softened her face. Big, deep dimples appeared when ever she smiled. The biggest, blue eyes with long lashes adorned her face.
Everyone that met her cooed and wanted to pinch her little cheeks. When she started school she magnetized the other students. Everyone wanted to sit by the princess. All wanted to be her friend.
She spent her time going to birthday parties. She was invited to many sleep overs. The older she got, the more her personal phone rang. Boys promised her anything to spend some time alone with her in high school. She was the life of the party.
She made good grades without much studying. It just seemed that Molly had it all. But something was missing. She felt a void inside. She had lots of friends, but no close confidants.
When she entered her freshman year, she was bored. Tired of the lime light. Tired of going nowhere in life. She set a meeting with her counselor and decided on going to medical school.
Although her grades could be a bit improved, her counselor told her she had what it took to be a success. The two talked about her goals and she said she wanted to make people realize that there was something beautiful on the inside. That surface beauty faded and what you had left was your soul. They decided that she would be a therapist for those lacking in self-esteem.
After graduation Molly and Ray found themselves in the same classes. Ray sat in the back. Molly sat near the front. Ray was alone and Molly was surrounded by classmates. There came a day when an activity was called upon pairing up with another student.
Molly and Ray were placed together for this project. They were expected to work together. Both were shy but slowly warmed up to each other as they each learned about each other. Their project forced them to spend extra time at the library. They would call each other and ask questions.
In six weeks the projects were turned in. Molly and Ray got an A for their excellent presentation. Going back to their regular seats when the grades were handed out Molly and Ray caught themselves thinking about each other.
A week went by and there had been no connection between the two. It happened on a Thursday evening around seven p.m. The phone rang.
Ray answered with a “hello.”
“Ray this is Molly. I know we are done with our projects. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed having you as a partner. You had a lot of good ideas. You are really smart. I sort of miss you, you know, our talks.”
“I was thinking about you too tonight Molly. I enjoyed working with you too. You know you had a lot of good ideas too. I sort of miss our talks too.”
“Say Ray, are you doing anything tomorrow night? I was going to study, but spending some time chatting with you over a burger sounds more fun. What do you say?”
“I like the idea Molly. Do you want to meet at the campus cafe around seven?”
“Sure, it sounds good. It’s a date. See you then Ray.”
“A date, yes a date. See you then Molly.”
Time continued to tick, classes were attended, projects were turned in. Graduation Day arrived. Internships started. A year later Molly and Ray married.
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Which Choice Do I Make?
Although Al had a good day, you can see by different signs that he is sick. For example when I took…
Who I am 