Daily Archives: August 8, 2013

My Lucky Nap

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http://youtu.be/PKaD269SSOEAl's cards

Today Al had a big day. It wasn’t the kind that you go to the big fair and ride the huge roller coaster. It was the kind that can dig deep in the heart, a slap in the face wake-up call type day.

For several days Al has gone on about his funeral and talked about this illness and why he has it. It is a worn topic but gets repeatedly read, page by page each evening.

Last evening he thought that his illness stayed home while he went to Day Program. Also last night I saw the strangest thing on Al’s knee. He pointed it out to me by saying, “come look at this.”

I watched his knee and it would turn purple and then go back to normal color. His toes were matching the beat of the drum. I brought it up to the Hospice Nurse this morning when we met.

She explained, “his heart is very weak. It is trying to pump to all the organs but the weaker it gets, the more it has trouble reaching the legs and feet. The heart decides it will stick with the organs and let the limbs go and then try it again later. This is what is happening. He is losing oxygen in his legs.”

I stared at her dumbfounded. She also went on to say that the Hospice Minister was meeting us also here. They wanted me to stay quiet while they talked to Al. My stomach started to churn as I knew this couldn’t be any sort of party I was attending.

The conversation I heard went something like this. ” Al you are a very sick man. It is no one’s fault. It isn’t yours nor is it your sisters. This illness isn’t going to get better Al. It is only going to get worse. One day you will not be able to come to Day Program because your body is going to become very weak and you will not want to get out of bed. I think it is time that you start preparing and ask God if he can take you home while you are asleep.”

I thought I would die right there on the spot. My legs became weak and I thought I was going to collapse to the floor if I didn’t grab a hold of something. I backed a way and the three of them had a private conversation with questions and answers.

That all ended and poof the nurse and minister left. I left also and like a robot went and got groceries. Forget the crazy idea of stopping at Dairy Queen for an ice-cream, I just wanted to go home.

When I got home I put everything a way. I looked through my mail and started prepping supper. Before I knew it, it was time to get Al off the bus. He was quiet and stayed quiet through supper. He only ate 50%. I didn’t say anything. I had to force my own self to eat too.

As I was washing him up I think my jaw fell to the floor as Al patted me on the arm and said, “sis, I think I understand what is happening to me now. The minister and nurse made me see things. They helped me understand. I am going to die. They said I could pray for me to die in my sleep. Could you do me just one favor sis?”

” Sure bud, anything, you name it.”

” Will you make sure I die in my sleep? I don’t want to know it.”

I couldn’t help it. I lost it. I cried like a big baby right there. I grabbed my brother around the shoulders and the two of us cried together. When we finally parted, I continued to wash him up and he said, ” I want to take a nap. I am tired. Maybe this will be my lucky nap.”

 

Above is a photo of cards that you here at WP have sent Al. I bought him the little miniature case of Coca Cola bottles in their own little case.

Thanks to all who have sent cards and caring words of comfort. If anyone still wants to send him cards, please email me at

tellmenolies2004@yahoo.com

and I will give you the address to send the card to.

I am out of words and out of tears. I am done writing for tonight. Hugs my friends.

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Daily Prompt; Yawn

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

What bores you?

 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us DULL.

I am going to have so many males and females booing at me and tossing eggs after I am done with this prompt. Why? You will see.

A list of things that bore me are;

Alex CarrbasketballhockeySinger_sewing_machine_detail1telephoneWell, that was pretty simple. Did you all get what bores me? LOL

Everything else in life is interesting to me.

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A Speeding Bus

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On this post I am not going to beat myself up as my friends say to me. I do want to try and fix my problem. So what better place to go to get the help I need. I start my mornings rushing. The first thing I try to do is give thanks to God that I have one more day to cherish. I look outside to see the weather so I know how to dress.

I make the coffee. Before I get Al up I feel that I must clean the cat box. Sweep up the kitty litter so I don’t get it on my feet. Sometimes if I think about it I will wear socks upon getting out of bed. But then again, I will transfer it from my socks to the carpet. I try to make my bed. Feed the cat. Wash up and brush my teeth, get dressed.

By now I am getting tired because I still have to get Al up. So I race into his bedroom. I get him up. Take him to the bathroom. Scrub-a-dub him and dress him for the day. Shave him and then take him to the kitchen table.

I try to smile and ask politely what he wishes for breakfast, then I start that process. After his second or third bite I give him his medications. I try to force myself to sit down with him and smoke a cigarette and drink one cup of coffee. The problem is while I am sitting my mind is racing about what can I really be doing instead of sitting.

Before I put Al on the bus I have beds made and kitchen floor swept, dishes down, laundry is getting ready to be placed in dryer. On Thursdays like today, I have already changed both beds and it is washing.

Once he leaves I come in and take my own medications and eat my breakfast. Then I sit down to the computer or meet with Hospice. Maybe get groceries. I have to get groceries on Thursdays or Fridays. It is too hard to take Al to the grocery store so I feel like I have to get that done. Medication boxes need to be refilled.

Trash is constantly being gathered. I try to get out in my yard to do some yard work, but that doesn’t happen often. I think about the days I could go see my friend two  hours a way but something always comes up.

Just sitting here reading what I have read makes me tired. A few hours after I have been up I want to take a nap. Sometimes I do, but not much. I will try to take a nap in the afternoon so I can be ready to tackle the evening when Al comes home.

What did I enjoy through the day? Not much really. It sucks, it stinks and I don’t know how I got this way. But, in real truth, I don’t know how to stop. I guess I want everything perfect. I want everything to run perfect. I want to  prepare myself as much as I can for what ever may happen in the evening.

I even lay Al’s clothes out for the next day early today. That is crazy crap. No time for shopping usually. I have wasted it being to prepared. Prepared for what? A fire, tornado, break in, what?

How do I stop this? I really do believe in the words, slow down and smell the roses.

But I don’t know how to make it happen.speeding bus

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