Big Bitch Session I Have Given


This morning Al was teary-eyed again. I couldn’t take it. A Saturday when I knew he would do this off and on all day. I didn’t want to be sad, so I got to thinking, what can we do.

Bingo, not too much pain so let’s go out. I asked him if he wanted to eat lunch out and he didn’t say anything. I ask him if he wanted to go to Wal-Mart after we ate lunch and look at cars and then he said yes and smiled at me.

So clean face and hands, clean brief, placed him in his wheelchair, got my basket of needed supplies and off we went, just like Little Red Riding Hood.

We ate at a burger joint that Al picked out. He did real good, considering, but he was more worried about people seeing him spill food and his tremors. I told him to forget them and just keep his eyes on me. I would make him forget the strangers.

We ate, by now no matter what we eat or where we eat, it takes Al about forty-five minutes to eat. After I was done I people-watched. Cleaning him up and loading him and the wheelchair back in-car we headed for the junk store, Wal-Mart. Well I guess not junk store, that is sort of crappy term, but this store has changed. They took out American products and brought cheap stuff in for same prices.

So I got my bag of wintergreen lifesavers. I am so addicted to them. I must have one for each cup of coffee I drink. I just love the combo. Then we went to the toy section. Al picked out a new police car. It is pretty cool if I do say so myself. Oh he was so proud. He held it like a new-born baby.

We left that department and went down to look at these razors I was told about. Someone had told me they sell battery operated disposable razors. I looked at them. They were a little pricy, but my friend said they last a long time and work well. I thought, what the heck, I can only be burnt once, so I bought one.

We were just getting ready to leave that aisle when we ran into an aunt we hadn’t seen for almost six years. She was on one of those electric scooters. I saw her coming and she nodded to Al and then went on by.

My body started shaking. This time I was not letting any of this family get by with their rude shit. I stood in my place and yelled at her as she was getting ready to turn the curve.

“Aren’t you even going to say hello to Al? When is the last time you saw or spoke to him, maybe six years ago?”

She said nothing and went on around the next aisle and then came back. She said, “Hi Al, I wish Jeff wasn’t asleep in the car while I am in here. He would probably want to say hi to Al.”

What? She is speaking to me? She is supposed to be speaking to Al. He is the sick one.

Then she says, “I saw a picture of you Al from Joan.”

Joan is our old neighbor that helped that day I took Al to the fair and needed help getting his brief changed because of small doorways. After she helped she wanted to take a photo of Al. She asked him and he said alright.

I asked,” Is that all you’re going to say to him? You may want to talk to him for more than a few seconds. Your chances are running pretty low.”

“Yes, I heard he is real sick.”

She turns her key back on and starts to leave. As she is moving a way, she says, “well, maybe”

That was it. She was gone out of sight. She didn’t even hang around to complete her sentence.

I was so pissed. I have every right to be upset. I give myself that pat on the back for not stomping my feet, crying and running up to her and shaking the hell out of her asking, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

Of course I know what is wrong. She is still friends with the mean woman who dated my Dad when he was dying. My aunt chose to believe anything or everything that this mean old bag chose to say over her very own family members.

If you have no clue as to what I am talking about, go to my Al’s Parkinson’s Journey and read the chapters. It will explain everything to date.

I thought I was being so cool but Al said, “it’s ok sis, at least she said hi” and then he started crying.

That aunt ruined our whole trip. I was even more fuming. How dare her ignore her sick family member. Forget me, although she has hurt me terribly as the aunt in Florida and the Aunt in Indiana, I will survive. I have been hurt plenty.

This whole things stems from one thing. My Dad told everyone in his family and friends circle that when he died the Will was set up a certain way. Well without going into legal and personal details, Dad didn’t word it correctly and there were a lot of gaps.

I wasn’t going to go explain personal business to anyone. The lawyer and the courts figured it all out and I have Al in my care. Enough said I guess, but what ever happened to support from families?

Is it wrong to accept that life is what it is and not everything turns out the way it was planned? For me, I was the biggest winner of all. I have Al in my care. He is not in a State confinement nor a nursing home. He is with me.

I guess I may or may not have made an ass of myself here at WP, but I get really sick of people, especially family, who think they know it all, and yet know nothing, and they ignore us, Dad’s children. Some day Al will be gone. And who ever shows up at his funeral will be the ones who cared. And who ever does not, the hell with them. I can totally understand why Al spends some evenings crying about no one being at his funeral.

The cards keep coming in for Al. He is being shown that people care. We don’t receive any cards from family, so I tell Al that these cards come from extended family, people who love and pray for him.

If anyone else wants to send a card to him, please email me at

tellmenolies20042yahoo.com

for his address.

Al is in  pain now. I think the trip was a little long and the mishap with the Aunt upset him. We are home now naturally, and I gave him some pain medication for his legs. He is now napping. I hope he is having good dreams.Al in the morning

40 thoughts on “Big Bitch Session I Have Given

  1. You can choose your friends but not your family. My family turned their back on me when I made a very stupid mistake. But the way I look at it is that those who treat me as lesser are really the pitiful ones. I don’t need people who look down on others in my life – especially when the “other” is family.

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  2. Just because someone is related by blood doesn’t mean they care. I think lots of people suffer from that illusion. Now you and Al? THAT’S a beautiful, real sincere loving family! You are so lucky to have each other.

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  3. It’s been awhile since I have had the opportunity to read anything on the computer. I can’t comprehend that kind of behavior from anyone much less a relative. Our family is so close I’m having a hard time putting it into perspective. But to that aunt I say good riddance and hope you never run into her again. Be well my friend.

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    • Thank you for confirming what I have been thinking. Out of sight out of mind is the way I look at it. I have enough on my plate without extra grief. Big hugs

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  4. You did fantastic….you have every right to be fuming….
    As I said in one of my earlier comments…I am also battling this disease…yet I strike out on my own…I can only imagine how much strength..peace and hope Al acquires from having you in his court….grace still abounds….

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    • You so understand. This makes me feel good. I am not asking you to take sides, I am just asking for a fair break. Maybe I shouldn’t have confronted her but I couldn’t help it when she was passing by my brother. Bless you and big hugs to you

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      • To confront evil….and oh how we shake at the word confront….we do not have to take sides…we acknowledge that indifference to humanity is evil and needs to be spoken to…I notice in this world that we treat those with illness, age and disability as non essential beings..who do not deserve acknowledgement…I would prefer to weep tears filled with joy for those who make me sit up straighter(like you and Al) than any person who can do anything imaginable..yet does not simply know how to talk to another…and thinks mingling with those who benefit them..is the way to go….the path to hell..is paved with good intentions…
        Pardon the brusqueness…sometimes I do not like what I see in this world….

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      • I can’t believe how some people are so heartless and cruel, but they exist. To me it is worse when it is family being the most heartless. Thanks for a wonderful message you have given to me. I really appreciate your thoughts and I agree with what you have said

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  5. You know Terry, family is one thing, you are stuck with them, but friends have more compassion and you can choose your friends, there are lots of people who care, who are not family and they are sometimes more important as they choose to love you. I am glad that cards for Al are coming to give him an uplift and show that we do care.
    You are brilliant and I take my hat off for you! (German expression, don’t know if it makes sense.) I admire you! (That is what it means really)

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    • I also say that saying here. You are so right. Friends of mine who here at WP have never met us are full of love, compassion and an understanding beyond what I have ever experienced. I am so blessed. hugs

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  6. How awful for you both.

    I’m from a really close family and I can’t imagine a family member turning their back on me in a shop. Even worse a very sick brother? You can do without that type of love anyway, because its fake. Love and hugs to you and Al. Nite from Oz, Terry. Paula xxxx

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    • Thanks for affirming what I had already thought. No matter what death is death, and you only get so many chances as the healthy one to make contact. hugs and love Paula

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  7. I am wondering what your Aunt was feeling at the time that she is in a rush to go back to a car with a sleeping person inside? I wonder if your Aunt is in pain as? I can only see your point of view and I can understand how much attention you needed for Al. Pax Tecum.

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    • I would think that there is a part of her that feels shame for ignoring the truth and listening to gossip. This aunt has seen us kids grow up. The other woman was only in our lives for one year. To me the scales are out of balance. I wondered why there was a person in the hot car sleeping. I wondered if she felt enough shame she felt awkward running into us. But I also remember last fall when she ran into us head on in a doctor’s office and totally ignored both of us. I hurt because they do not know the truth. I hurt because they chose words from a stranger. I hurt because my brother is dying

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  8. You’ve probably heard the expression “Blood doesn’t make family,” and it rings true to a certain extent. Kinfolk must earn the right to be called “family” just the same as anybody else does. As a Christian, you already know that you have as many or more family who don’t share your bloodline as those who do. This aunt may be your aunt by birth, but she is certainly not family, and hasn’t earned the privilege to be acknowledged as such. Blessings to you and Al, and I hope he had a good rest.

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      • It isn’t right for her to act that way, but she is the one who will have to answer for it in the long run. Letting it hurt you changes nothing, and she will continue to go on being the same. You can’t control what anybody does and says but you are letting her control how you feel. You and Al enjoy each other and the friends you’ve made. Only let the aunt’s opinion matter to you when she has earned the privilege to have her opinion matter to you.

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      • you have made a very valid and sharp point and I declare at this moment to go on. She will have to answer and she will have to live with her own guilt when Al is gone. Thank you very much for the huge help

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  9. Oh Terry, I got to the part about your Aunt, and was absolutely seething! I admire you greatly, for keeping your cool and not letting her have it both barrels!
    I guess we should pray for her salvation.
    Please let Al know that his card is on it’s way. The mail system here is not one of our most efficient services but it will get there eventually! 🙂
    Please know, I pray for you both every night, and I said an extra special one at church this morning!
    Huge hugs,

    ~Cliffy

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    • How did I get so lucky? You are the best! Caring, full of love and compassion. You are a winner in my eyes. I will tell Al about his card and I thank you now for thinking enough of him to send it. big hugs my friend

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  10. sweetheart ~ I’ve had similar experiences due to my weakening facial muscles that cause others not to understand me well & I’ve been poked at. I believe that we will be judged by how we react, & having others stare at me when in the mall my caregiver would say “would u like a chair?” They were usually kind. We can choose our family ~ we simply don’t heed them… indifference is worse than hate or anger A big hug to my boyfriend Al. Love you Debbie

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    • Yes, people stare and gawk and make rude comments to what they see that they believe is normal. But what is normal to one is different to another. I probably should not have yelled out to the Aunt, but there was no stopping me at that minute. I regret yelling out to her but I don’t regret my words at all. hugs my friend, so glad you are one of my friends

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  11. Oh, Terry, I don’t know what to say. This is so heartbreaking. If we only could choose our family, that would make it probably easier. You’re a wonderful, goodhearted person, never doubt on that. Hang in there!

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