When I was a little girl I looked at my Daddy as my great big hero.
As I grew older I over heard words of disappointments from others. When I heard us kids names mentioned I always felt sorry I couldn’t do enough to make him love me as much as I loved him.
When I grew up and got married it seemed like maybe he was proud of me. He smiled and liked me being around. He never actually said he loved me back then, but I just knew. I just wanted my Daddy to accept me for who I was.
When he got sick and we found out he was going to die, a part of my heart and soul died right there on the spot.
Oh it hurt. It hurt real bad. I started taking care of him and weeping behind closed doors. I memorized every move he made. Every thing he saw I photographed in my memory. The crook of his smile. The twinkle in his eyes. Each day I tried my best to grab and hold close to me not wanting to let the next day appear.
When the morning sun did appear and I held my Daddy as he took his lost breath I wept. There is never a day that goes by that I don’t look up to the heavens and know he is up where he belongs smiling down on me.
Life is repeating itself and although I don’t want the sun to shine. I don’t want to hurt, I will some day be looking up to the heavens again knowing my brother is up where he belongs.
Who I am 
Terry, this is heartbreaking. Lots of love to you.
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thanks,,,,,,life is what it is, we can’t make someone love us nor can we force them to show what they can’t. we just have to learn to accept when it comes to family, the good and the bad
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Very true.
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Loss is never something that has a defined set of rules — it just is what it is. In my father’s grief over losing his youngest son, he said with tears in his eyes, “You know, it’s a sin to grieve.” I asked him why he thought that. “When a Christian is going to heaven we’re supposed to rejoice.” But Jesus, who was sinless, wept with compassion when people grieved, even those who were followers of His. The idea of grieving and rejoicing at the same time seems odd, but it is comforting to know that God understands when we do both. Terry, I’m not good with words, but as someone who understands holding a brother’s hand as he takes his last breath, I am saying that i am weeping for you now, and praying for you both.
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what can I say,,,,,,,,your comment moved me very much. you seem to know my heart so well. I think we are very good friends on here and we would be in real life also. thank you
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We surely would.
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You and your brother are in my prayers.
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thank you Sparrow, so much
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🌹🌹🌹
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hugs
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A beautiful, loving tribute.
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thanks so much Tony. I love your comments. Thanks for being a friend
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love hugs and prayers my friend. my heart hurts for you so much.
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wish you lived near
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me too!
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Sorry you’re hurting. Hugs xo
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I hurt because it seems as if I can feel Al’s pain
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you don’t have to carry it, being there is enough. this is not your fault and you don’t have to feel guilty. xo
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u r so right, I don’t understand how I let myself be so emotionally involved as if I am the one who is sick
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Terry, this is a wonderful tribute to your Father!
He loved you, I can feel it. I believe he just didn’t know how to express it.
I get a sense that he was quite a lot like my Grandfather in that respect. When my Grandmother passed away. I went and stayed with him for a few weeks. Not once did I see him shed a tear. One day I decided to read him a poem I had written for her. He looked at me and said, “Real men don’t write poetry!”
A few days later, I walked in with the days groceries, and he was sitting in Grandma’s favourite window seat reading my poem. The tears were streaming down his cheeks.
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oh my gosh that is the most beautiful story I have ever heard. Oh Cliff he hid his feelings because he was taught men were not to feel. I am so glad you got to see that moment. I think my Dad loved me too. He just didn’t know how to let me know, you are right, I am sure
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Yes, I think I was very lucky to see that. I think, as you say, your Father and my Grandfather were raised in a time when men had to be strong, dependable and composed but never allowed to show Human “weaknesses” I would never have survived in that era. In comparison am a big ball of emotions bursting at the seams! 🙂 With a penchant for over using emoticons! Lol!
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I believe that men and women are equal in so many ways. Made from the same God. Men should be able to show and feel emotions just like a woman. Seeing a grown man cry makes me realize he has a heart
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Hugs
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hugs
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Wonderful written … so full of heart, soul and love – you’re so right in what you’re saying – “life is what it is, we can’t make someone love us nor can we force them to show what they can’t. we just have to learn to accept when it comes to family, the good and the bad” –
The priest (American lady) that hold my mom’s service .. said that everybody has problems inside their family … or they lie. I think that is very true.
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yes I agree, as they say here in our area, every family has its skeletons in the closets. thanks so much Vivi for a nice comment. I am catching your posts from FB lately, so I don’t miss anything you write
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