A Moment in Time

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Within two hours this morning  I had changed a complete bed for Al because of his excessive sweating. Hospice was here this mid-morning. There were several phone calls on her end, many conversations with Al and now he is on his way to the Hospice house. They are going to try to adjust medications or find something to help Al’s tremors and see if they can get him to get some sleep.

In two days he has eaten about 20 % total each day. I packed some items for him. Clothing, shaver, tooth-brush, and of course three vintage cars.

And ambulance came and got him at 1pm and took him out on the gurney. I kept telling Al that he would be back in a few days. I told him like a broken record that I loved him.

When I could no longer stretch my neck anymore and see the ambulance I came back inside. Quiet, empty. I know that he will be back, God willing. I know he will be alright, he will be back before I know it. I just need to keep telling myself this.

We think it is the tremors that are causing him to not eat. As far as wanting to go to heaven, that is still utmost in his mind. Not being able to walk or barely stand is the M.S.A.  I guess it is a combination of every part of this nasty illness.

Every web site I read about M.S.A. all state several things in common. The most frequent sentence I read is it is the worst debilitating disease I have ever seen. I am afraid I have to agree with this. It not only cuts your life short. It takes a way your dignity and pride and everything you could ever do before.

Last night there was a point when he said, ” I can see Mom. Her hand is reaching down to me.”

I gulped a little and said,” well Bud, just reach out and grab it. I will be alright. I want you to be able to get a new body and trade this in.”

As I was talking to him he stretched out his arm to the ceiling. He was reaching out for her. Oh Lord, I can’t talk anymore. I have to go. I just can’t deal with this right now, sorry.arm reaching outangel-looking-down-from-heaven-534book4

42 thoughts on “A Moment in Time”

  6. It is always that big heart that makes us carry so much for others. Make sure you take time for yourself too. Giving, giving, giving…. can wear us down if we don’t let others give and refill our own tank. Quiet goes both ways, but you know how to reach if you need…. Hugs

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  7. I’m glad hospice is paying attention to Al’s symptoms and you get a rest for a few days! God loves you and I am praying for you–comfort, strength and peace. It must be hard to listen to your brother talk about dying, you are strong to be supportive and let him talk about it to you.

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    • it is what he is feeling. I can not take that a way from him. I let him talk, I listen, and sometimes give advice, that is about all I can do in that area. Yes it does bother me to hear him talk about dying. He is my brother and I don’t want to lose him but I don’t want to watch him suffer at my own selfish expense either. hugs

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  8. Psalm 56:8(NLT)
    You keep track of all my sorrows.
    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
    You have recorded each one in your book.

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  9. Okay Terry, after reading your post here you got me crying my eyes out for you both. Al is obviously ready to meet his maker, this is good, he’s accepting his fate. But i will still pray he has better days to come, i know you are looking forward to this. None of us ever want to see an an end to our circumstances of an ill loved one, we always think we can do more. And sometimes we can, God willing. It hurts, and it’s necessary for us to feel this sort of pain. This gives us a better understanding and appreciation of life and death…and life after death.

    Stay strong in the hours to come my friend,. If need be…write, write, write all your deepest feelings down, then take the quiet hours to read them back to yourself. This is a cleansing, and it connects you a little closer to God. Try and relax and sleep in peace come evening. Clear your mind and focus on the now, that is, you being at home and preparing for Al’s return. I wish I was your neighbor, I wound be there for sure, to enjoy having a good long conversation with you and to help with the little things.

    Email me your number, if I can find time this week, mid morning, I will call you so we can chat if you like. My son’s birthday is Wednesday and I am readying things here to except company. But i’m sure I can make time for you.You know, sometimes a bending ear is a sweet comfort.

    My email is dc45502@yahoo.com. From my cell phone there is no LDcharge.

    Warmly,

    Dianne

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  13. Oh my dear, Terry.
    I’m so sorry that this is happening to the 2 of you. I got goosebumps reading it. I’m sending you all the love the universe will let me. Hugs to you and Al. Paula xxxxx

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  14. Pingback: I Can Never Say Thank-You Enough to My Friends | terry1954

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